This is what I talk about. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome to snowtimes. Where the snow never ends
Good ice age morning tweeps..just saw a wholly mammoth trying to warm up in the terminal…
So much for tonight’s plan to start my new celebrity stalking campaign… Dear
#RickMercer, snowcheque on delivering fake pizza…
Dear snow… Can u wait to visit again, til after the warm n the sun kills ur cousins covering my driveway first? Thnx.
surprising how sometimes being spontaneous can light the fire of the soul. Remind us that sometimes, the ghosts we run from…r those inside
2 simple rules to follow when picking things off ground: 1-if u got sexy bum-bend at waist. 2-if not (most of u all), do not bend at waist.
so 1hr of toss’n’turning- too sick, too tired..classic music on http://music.cbc.ca/ , blog reading and herbal sleep and detox tea
even when i am not whole, even when i may not being fully alive, even if I’m less than perfect, i know there are those who wont forsake me, and who will take me in their lives… may i give back
how much, how long, without.. when will it be time…to say what needs to be said, to make a choice to stop being frozen in time
dear god… please give me strength.. or numbness, cos the pain of loss and confusion is more than I can bare
pretty sure i am lucky.. supportive friends and family…. i know i still am loved..unlike the love that was to be forever
bit of news to make me sleepy.. can only hope sleep wont keep avoiding me, like the man who vowed love, and then walked away
I wish I knew, I wish I could, I wish I will… But all I wish, will never be, since the love of my life walked away in silence, and left my heart broken and deaf
smiling is the emotional equivalent of applying make up to a bruise.. everyone knows no matter how hard you try to conceal it…
love may burn like hot water, but unlike water you can’t turn it off like a tap
We found each other and took a chance. We were alike, we were different. I can remember the excitement, the anticipation to talk on video, the nerves making us giddy. I can remember your eyes sparkling, and that grin that told me you liked me. We started to share, flirting and opening up our hearts.
We found each other and took a chance. You traveled distance to meet me, and we meet face to face. It was like I knew you, you were sent for me, and I for you. The first touch, that first kiss, that first moment we stared into each other’s eyes. It was like two parts of a soul was reunited and made whole.
We found each other and took a chance. You traveled back and forth, we were separated by kilometres, but never in love, never in spirit. We had to take the times apart, to have the times together. You made the sacrifice and I made you know by all I could do that this was to be, that I wanted you, as you wanted me.
We found each other and took a chance. It was real, you and I, a relationship. There was so much, we fell in love, we were in love. There were moments that shadowed the light, moments of darkness blocking out this love we shared. Life is far from perfect, and somehow we came out, the light of love never went out.
We found each other and took a chance. Time was a river flowing on and on, and we the water running to explore the world ahead of us. And then there were rocks, and a vow broken. indiscretion ripped my heart, and for the love I knew we had, like water, we survived the storm, the waves that threatened love. And we were strong, we were more in love.
We found each other and took a chance. We both had moments were we were less than perfect, taking turns to be negative, to upset the love we shared. Human natures and personal natures were overcome, and we were still in love.
We found each other and took a chance. We became each other’s world, everything was the other. Every sight, sound, touch, taste. Every place and space. And then without warning, in a moment, in a nightmare, it was over, and you were willing to walk away.
We found each other and took a chance. The chance was a game, and it ended, and like bomb of emotional shrapnel, we exploded, and here we are, apart, a soul ripped into two, bleeding and dying and alone without rescue. Me here alone, you there alone. And a crater now in place of the love filled hearts. And now I shed tears, I drown in the pain and know, we found each other and took a chance, and we are lost and the last chance was passed. I will always love you.
Well, it has been forever since my last post. Things have been rather rough for a while, mostly finding myself laid off and unemployed for over a month. I regretfully hadn’t been writing as much. However, I at a turning point, and angst, is a great inspiration.
So, with a broken heart, after close to three years, I find myself single again, Mr. Str8 has left the building, left a void in my life. I am still in shock, and dealing with the events. I decided to not do any more quotes, instead, work on other material.
So with that rather depressing news.. hope you all have been well and happy.
I will be back shortly.
In the way of love, you meet and try
To get together to love, you feel it deep and sigh
Hold on to fantasies of him and start to date.
So hold your head up high
Don’t be afraid to try
Go get that one you want
Let him know how you feel
You never know what will happen
Tell him how he makes you feel.
Don’t be afraid to try
He makes you weak
He has that certain thing
Maybe he likes you too
Never know til you try.
When something feels this good
Never let it go away
After the heartache of the past
This time try to make it last.
funny how sometimes the universe sends you a message you cannot ignore. And in the dark, it is the light that finds you, and the fear and pain can wash away. I have just been in this position. And while I try to make light of somethings, sometimes you need to acknowledge the complexities that is life. And, in turn dead.
So, in my pitiful life, worrying about the end of employment, and dealing with pettiness, my sister had to deliver sad news. A dear, wonderful family friend died. And not just any one, but a selfless, compassionate and angelic like human being. Anna was a light in the gloom of the world. Never a mean thing to say, she was always loving. Even when cancer began to attack, and Anna suffer, she took no easy way out, no more than she needed. Her philosophy was always, ‘there is someone worse off than me. Let them have it.’ And as she fought the good fight, month after month, she still was a shining light. And last week, the last once of fight left Anna, and she was no longer an angel on Earth, as she was returned to where she was needed next. And all those lives she touched, remembered her.
And from that, my sister returned home, to a sick husband. And the horror of his being so sick, that he collapsed. My sister, ever the force, did what she needed to. My brother-in-law is a good man. And he held on, in ICU, with my sister at his side. And in hospital, he has gotten better. And getting better. And we are grateful. Not unlike Anna, my sister is an amazing human being. Loving, compassionate, and strong. A light in this world.
My good friend also got bad news. Her nephew, who came to defend another, was shot dead for his stand. And a young man, taken out of this world by an act of violence. And it rippled out, a family trying to make sense of such a loss. So young and promising. Senseless.
And today, it seems more senselessness… A member of the gay community in Halifax, a much loved, and wonderful human being, was beaten violently to death. Raymond Taavel, came to the defense of another human being and paid with his life. I knew of him, but a moment in time. I meet Raymond the first day I was at the local gay bar, about a week after my mother died, and I was on my own. I sat with him and his friends, and we drank, and ate. We talked about writing, and many times after, when I would go to the bar, he was there. Always a smile, always positive. Always a chat. He was brutually killed by a psychiatric patient who was allowed an unescorted leave. He failed to return. Raymond tried to defend his friend when, by the reports, the patient was accosting him. And paid with his life. Metro Halifax Regional Police arrested him. There was a vigil for Raymond. A downtown street was blocked virtually last minute, for the honour of a key member of the gay community, of the city.
In a world of diversity, of good and bad, it makes life a balance. It seems for me, that the lives of many have intersected, that in the wake of death, of serious health issues, of loss, the balance of the universe will find a way to give us messages. To remind us that life is precious, and short. That any one of us, could be off this mortal coil in a last heart beat. That good, positive people can be taken. And while we do not understand, or agree, that we feel anger and resentment, we all must find something good. I wish to find the goodness, the light, the positive of good people, and try to live life with the honour, for those taken before their time, or at the end of a long road. I choose to live up to the strength of good people. For Anna, for my sister, my brother-in-law, my friend’s nephew, and for Raymond. For me, in my own world, I wish to follow the strength of my family. Heroes come in many fashions, in many statures, but the way someone lives life, speaks volumes to the balance of the universe. Anna, my sister, are two of my heroes. And Raymond. We question why for tragic events. It is what we do after, that defines us, our futures. It is the universe’s way to keep us honest. And what we do in this world, is the best way to reply to the messages of the universe, after the ides of April…
Last week on my week day off, we went to the movies. Now, this is a rare treat of late, that Mr. Str8 would be willing to spend that much money other than shopping on Ebay for video games and replacement controllers for ps2. (Have you seen the brutal murder of one such controller?) When I confirmed I would be off for the day, he mentioned the movie idea. Here we were sitting in the kitchen, on our laptops, and I nearly fell off my chair, while flashes of colours assaulted my brain. I steadied myself with a hand on his arm.
“A what? Sorry, I thought you actually mentioned going to the movie theatre?”
“Ya, I did. What’s your issue?” Str8 stares at me like I transformed into a three headed Richard Simmons.
“Really? Are you playing a sick belated April Fool’s Day joke on me or are you serious?”
“Don’t take it like it’s some kind of real date night shit or anything. I wanna see if there is anything good. Find out what’s playing.”
I know what you are thinking. How is it that I’m the luckiest gay to have such a warm, fuzzy and awesomely romantic bf? I keep trying desperately to find that out. What did I ever do to deserve a real fairy tale love? So, I loaded up Empire Theatre’s site faster than you could say ‘j’ (as in jackass…), or not as fast as Mariah Carey’s movie crashed and burned…
We really had two options. I swiveled Sully (laptop) and showed him the trailer for ‘John Carter’.
“that’s it! We are seeing that one!” Str8 exclaimed with a sloppy grin.
“Ok…or what about…”
“Wax in the ears? I said that one. What part of ‘that’s it’, did you not get?”
“What part of your computer will come in contact with which part of your body, in about.. say.. 5 seconds?…..”
“The bottom, and my head?”
“Yes, and no- your head is too hard and thick for an empty container…but your lap is exposed…” He quickly pulled his chair forward so his belly mashed on the table’s edge. I glared at him.
“I love you?” He blew a kiss.
“Jackass..” I coughed into my hand.
So without bloodshed, we decided. And then the morning of the Great Movie Adventure of 2012, I repeatedly reminded him of the time, a perpetual countdown to the departure time, and ETA. And the wax from my ears must have travelled out of my ear canal, slugged itself along the pillows the night before, right into his superior tunnels, because I couldn’t pry him off his video game in time.
“Ok, save the game for the love of RuPaul already, we need to leave!” I yelled. I hate getting to the theatre late. Major pet peeve. So, with barely time to spare, I finally dragged Str8 out of the house, and off on the road. Getting into Bayer’s Lake was not easy. Direction-challenged Str8, missed the turn off. I directed him around, and he took the very first right, and kept going.
“Ok, the theatre is right there, and u didn’t turn.” I steamed. A U-ie and back around… he grumbled and I not happy. We got in to the theatre, a few minutes into the start.
“See we made it.” Str8 said. I glared at him.
“Movie is on. No talking.” And we enjoyed a most exciting and great movie. I cannot believe that ‘John Carter’ was not a smash hit. I loved it.