Well.. its a long time coming. But I have had a roller coaster ride to get here. Why on earth do we think we can let others take control of our lives? I love my Mr. Str8, but the road to this pit stop has been a long and dramatic one. I just spent an hour creeping my own Facebook pix. And I’m not sure I really like what I see. I packed on the pounds again. I had one hot summer, and as it is nearly Pride Week in Halifax, I am vodka full of ideas and plans. Yes, I can see the errors of my ways. Of keeping up the blinders to the fact I feel as if I lost myself again. This time, not because I am forced to be the dutiful son and care for my mother who lasted 6.. count em.. 6 long years after my father died. But nearly 2 years with Mr. Str8, and its like I am Alice looking through the looking glass.
I know all the right things to say and do. But not enough to keep me as I was. I feel self-loathing again and ladies and gentlemen.. that is not cool. I have a great life. I love the man I am with.. but is that the issue? Or is it that I stopped loving myself that I am lamenting with vodka in ginger ale (diet, thankfully) that I am working on regaining my strenght?
I have much baggage I need to open, and if you are willing, I will share it with you all. After all, I am interested in having my own reallity show. So, I have to start somewhere right? I feel as if I have become lazy and that has not been me for sometime. And I need to make changes.
Is anyone following me here? Or am I putting this out there for my own recourse?
Anywhoodles.. just thought I would make a post. I will be back soon, my wordpress peeps..
Have a good time and remember.. it’s a blood bath out there. Take care of you, and each other.