Monthly Archives: August 2011

Birthed Another New Blog!

Is it kosher to promote other blogs and sites other than, on

Having said that, I will anyway. I have expanded my efforts to take over the world, with a new blog.  An even more random one. So, you can if you so choose, to check out blog #3, thecrazythatisme,    ………..

Welcome my newest blog baby! Yay.. as always, hope you enjoy. b

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Found Online: REVEALED: What Constitutes Cheating?

Matthew Stefanson (from lifestyle, aug 30 2011)
What are the obvious indiscretions?

We’re fragile creatures.  Our hearts are easily broken, even by small trespasses, and that’s why it’s so painful when we are faced with a major betrayal.  Of course, the worst case scenario is when sex is involved.  Romantic entanglement makes every single kind of pain worse.  It turns mourning into grieving, anger into rage and sadness into complete, late stage renal failure type anguish.  We guard our hearts very carefully against betrayal and because of this, there is sometimes a disparity between the sexes as to what exactly it is that constitutes infidelity.  Where is the line between harmless flirting and inappropriate canoodling?  When exactly does someone cross the boundary between these two zones and enter hostile territory?  The answer isn’t universal.  Due to the different ways that the sexes interact and socialize, what is thought of as acceptable by one, might be completely unacceptable to the other.That is why we at The Soko are endeavouring to shed a little light on the issue this week.  This week’s Message From Mars will deal with the age old problem of cuckoldry:  what do men think of it and exactly where do they think the borders of acceptable behaviour lie for their partners?

Physical Indiscretions

The obvious red flags don’t need to be mentioned.  No touching below the belt or between the midriff and shoulders.  No lasting meaningful eye contact.  Absolutely no extramarital hand holding.  These rules have been golden for a long time, the unshakable tenets of any relationship, but they don’t necessarily apply to everyone.

Sexual arrangements differ in every relationship and you will know better than me what that is for you, but it’s a good bet that if you’ve never talked about it, you don’t have an arrangement.  Assuming that you are engaged in a serious relationship, which I can’t guarantee, you will either be working under the assumption that you are monogamous or you will have come to the conclusion, through a mutual arrangement, that you are allowed to seek out some manner of extramarital activity.  If you haven’t reached this conclusion with your partner, then that’s where the line is.  Don’t cross it.

Off Limits Lovers

If you have decided that your coupling will be more of a free-wheeling, fly by the seat of your perpetually unzipped pants sort of situation, then you’ve probably set some boundaries.  But there are unspoken ones that most men wouldn’t feel the need to bring up, either because they think it’s too obvious or because they think it would make them seem restrictive.  Regardless of their intentions, there are certain types of sanctioned infidelities that will completely derail the whole system.  Stay away from his friends, relatives and, if you’re really considerate, your ex-boyfriends.  Most men would not appreciate the knowledge that you are carrying on a sexual relationship with any of these people and it’s an invitation for drama and turmoil.

Aside from this, most men who are willing to engage in polyamorous relationships are fine with any arrangement that doesn’t diminish the quality or frequency of the sex that you are having with him.  This is actually the reason that most men do engage in poly activities, it helps keep the relationship healthy by removing boundaries that are likely to be crossed anyway, but there are still smaller, more subtle boundaries within the ones that have been opened up.  Try to not cross them.


Men aren’t too big on the whole emotional infidelity thing.  It’s not as big of a concern to us as it is to women, not because we don’t cherish the lovely romantic, intellectual connections that we have with our female friends, but because we simply don’t operate the same way on that level.  To women, a close relationship that is had by their partner with a member of the opposite sex is usually up for close scrutiny.  It doesn’t usually matter if they suspect a physical indiscretion or not, or even if they sense any physical chemistry between them, the emotional connection can be enough evidence to prosecute.

Men do not see it this way.  For the most part, we are only prompted to reaction by a perceived physical threat to the relationship.  We are possessive of our sexual partners and can sometimes let our paranoia get the better of us if we think the sanctity of our bed is violated, but usually the presence of a close male friend is no more a problem than a close female friend.  Have your emotional trysts, but be careful that it doesn’t slip into something more gratifying.


We are stupid and irrational creatures when it comes to almost anything.  Our more despicable instincts cause us to be suspicious, reactionary and impulsive, and there is no more appropriate venue for this lesson than romance.  We get jealous of our partners and suspicious of people we perceive as threats to our happiness, but that doesn’t mean that we are continually in the right.  We can be pigheaded and stubborn, and most often these are the qualities that cause a woman to stay in the first place.  If your fellow starts to drift away, to neglect you or actively hurt you, let him know this.  If he still doesn’t shape up, cheat on his ass all you want or do the mature thing and break up.  Your call

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Str8 To the Punchline

Mr. Str8: Why do you go and air our fuckin laundry for everyone to see?

Me: Cos I can. I told you. Nothing is scared.  And besides, I may actually get rich off the crazy that is my life.

Mr.Str8: (taking a moment, I believe he was thinking).. You think you can actually make money writing?  Huh.  Ok fine, but just remember to add really hot sex to it.

Me: Ok, well its been years since I had really hot sex, but I think I can write from memory….

Mr.Str8: excuse me?

Me: (laughing)..I said I only have had hot sex for the past two years

(Str8 grunts indignantly, and walks out the room.  I m now giggling)

Boy, did I have ever have to work hard to make up for that….well worth it though!!  SO very funny!  wink


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Relationship Ponderings..Still..

So been thinking about the whole dating, mating, relationship thing.  As the milestone marking of 2 yrs is creeping up for Mr. Str8 and I (my longest -I know, gasp, shock, awe), I started to think about the work it takes to make it work.  For us, as well as other couples I know.

It all begins with exciting, sexually charged attraction, the eyes, smiles, all those wonderous things we do when we are attracted to someone.  And then you get through the dating stage.  And into the relationship stage.  Ok…I sped through it, I know.  think of the paragraph as a real gay relationship.  Hot, explosive to start.  But quickly fades.  Some say gay relationships’ lifespans are condensed, (I am assuming mainly for gay MEN), as well…we are still men,  and men, I am sure you do not need a reminder, are pigs. Dogs. For a million reasons, men in general,  it seems,  have committment issues.

Of all the issues Str8 and I have had (and I am more than sure, will continue to have), we have also had a whole lot of love.  I have had many encounters (relationships, on the other hand, can count on 1 hand).  My chipmunk, really no experiences.  1 girlfriend.  Couple of J.O and B.J.s.  So, I have settled into ‘been there, done that’ spot in my life.  Albeit, a slightly bitter, guarded, spot.  He is a kid in a candy store.  Or, more appropriately, a homo in a porn shop.  And so far, as a monogamous gay couple, so far, we seem to be doing pretty well.

And couple of friends (friends in a couple), BK and Alan have also been together about the same amount of time.  They have a very different relationship in comparison. 1) they live together for most of this time. 2) very open, very relaxed. 3) recently (am still trying to get the scoop for u folks), have an ‘open’ relationship.

Alan and BK are not the first of my friends who have had this aspect in their private lives.  (Sorry but everyone knows whatever I know is fair game for me).  Robert and Barry have had to deal with the pressures of external partners in their relationship.  However, after about 10 yrs together, and a beautiful wedding to make their committment of love, they pretty much seem to be out of that trap.  Just the two of them. (I ll fill you in once I get that scoop also). 

And at least two more couples I know have had, or are still engaging in, sexual encounters with other men.  It seems to be a common factor in gay male relationships.  Doesn’t it?  Is being a gay really about sex.  And with as many other men as one can get? 

Are Str8 and I in the minority?  (As we haven’t even figured out the whole not just us sex thing yet, but I can say, it is something of conversion). I have asked before and now again, can gay men really be monogamous?  Is it a test of love, that is generally accepted in the gay community? Or have we been so overly stimulated in a highly sexualized society, that we are allowed to get gratification any way we can?  Are all gay men sluts?


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Irene, Str8 Start to the Week

Well, in the wake of Hurricane Irene, all seems fine in the land of Halifax, NS, but not such luck for so many. She tore the hell out of the everything in her way. While I am sad and in awe of the devastating storm. And really, tired.  I am not complaining, but I am rather tired.  From endless banging and forceful wind gusts.  And with Mr. Str8 coming back into town this evening.. not in the best of moods.  Restless sleep, when I finally got to sleep.  So work all day, get home and finish up the odd bits of chores I didn’t get to yet. (my fault)… Was looking forward to see my step-daughter again, as who knows when I would see her again (not easy as she is about 3 1/2hrs away).  She has a hair appointment, apparently.. chatted with her briefly, and she cant make it.. really hoping to do a whale watching tour with her… something fun.
So it is the week, chances of the two of us going to the bar-slim to none.  I can live without it.  (Never thought I  would say that…..) Mr. Str8, on the other hand..not so much.  He loves it there.  If only I could keep his hands busy in other ways…
Ah, meh…so with Irene gone and Str8 to arrive, I take a moment and breathe. What the week hold?  Let’s wait and see.

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Jack Layton, NDP Leader, Passes, Monday August 22

RIP Jack Layton 1950-2011

Goodbye Smilin Jack..Be At Peace

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Random Friend Quotes 1

“I need to get laid more than I need to worry about how much salt I eat”

“You’re not even that big” (a friend talking about another friend, eating fries)

“It is you! I thought to myself ‘he’s too chubby to be you'” (another friend talking about the same friend from above)

“Have you heard ‘I Get Around’?” (same friend, talking about the song, however, it just sounded wrong.  Was said while a few of us were brunching-as said by the friend who was refered to by the above two quotes)

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Things A Gay Man Should NEVER Do (Or Say) #2

-tell your hot, redneck neighbour, that the reason you are standing in his yard, is because you wanted to whack his weeds….

-while standing at the dollar store checkout, in a lineup, pull out $20, and loudly tell your best (female) friend: “Here’s the money i owe for last night. Should I give it to you or your pimp outside?”

-Stand up on a crowded bus….or find yourself, thanks to the driver slammin on the breaks, falling slow-motion into the laps of a straight couple sitting in the seats infront of you…

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Urban Canadian Dolls: Hit or Miss?

Great Idea

Came across this picture this week.   Seems the creators wanted to have Canadian dolls to represent girls from Canada, with background stories, to help them learn about their country, be proud, and learn morals about being a good person. Great Idea. But as it is a Canadian thing, I at this time, have not seen or heard of these dolls.  But rest assured, I will investigate this more.

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Inspirational 1

Beautiful U R

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