Relationship Ponderings..Still..

So been thinking about the whole dating, mating, relationship thing.  As the milestone marking of 2 yrs is creeping up for Mr. Str8 and I (my longest -I know, gasp, shock, awe), I started to think about the work it takes to make it work.  For us, as well as other couples I know.

It all begins with exciting, sexually charged attraction, the eyes, smiles, all those wonderous things we do when we are attracted to someone.  And then you get through the dating stage.  And into the relationship stage.  Ok…I sped through it, I know.  think of the paragraph as a real gay relationship.  Hot, explosive to start.  But quickly fades.  Some say gay relationships’ lifespans are condensed, (I am assuming mainly for gay MEN), as well…we are still men,  and men, I am sure you do not need a reminder, are pigs. Dogs. For a million reasons, men in general,  it seems,  have committment issues.

Of all the issues Str8 and I have had (and I am more than sure, will continue to have), we have also had a whole lot of love.  I have had many encounters (relationships, on the other hand, can count on 1 hand).  My chipmunk, really no experiences.  1 girlfriend.  Couple of J.O and B.J.s.  So, I have settled into ‘been there, done that’ spot in my life.  Albeit, a slightly bitter, guarded, spot.  He is a kid in a candy store.  Or, more appropriately, a homo in a porn shop.  And so far, as a monogamous gay couple, so far, we seem to be doing pretty well.

And couple of friends (friends in a couple), BK and Alan have also been together about the same amount of time.  They have a very different relationship in comparison. 1) they live together for most of this time. 2) very open, very relaxed. 3) recently (am still trying to get the scoop for u folks), have an ‘open’ relationship.

Alan and BK are not the first of my friends who have had this aspect in their private lives.  (Sorry but everyone knows whatever I know is fair game for me).  Robert and Barry have had to deal with the pressures of external partners in their relationship.  However, after about 10 yrs together, and a beautiful wedding to make their committment of love, they pretty much seem to be out of that trap.  Just the two of them. (I ll fill you in once I get that scoop also). 

And at least two more couples I know have had, or are still engaging in, sexual encounters with other men.  It seems to be a common factor in gay male relationships.  Doesn’t it?  Is being a gay really about sex.  And with as many other men as one can get? 

Are Str8 and I in the minority?  (As we haven’t even figured out the whole not just us sex thing yet, but I can say, it is something of conversion). I have asked before and now again, can gay men really be monogamous?  Is it a test of love, that is generally accepted in the gay community? Or have we been so overly stimulated in a highly sexualized society, that we are allowed to get gratification any way we can?  Are all gay men sluts?



Filed under Relationships

5 responses to “Relationship Ponderings..Still..

  1. I wouldn’t go so far as to say all gay men are sluts. I don’t know many gay men to be honest with you (you’re one of the few) but I do know a buttload of lesbians. I think gay people are more open to trying new things and new experiences. I don’t believe gay men or women are any less capable of love. I just don’t think that the many of the lgbt community feel that sex and love need to always go hand in hand. Sex can also just be about fun.

    But then again, I’m a straight white guy so I might not know what I’m talking about at all.

    • not that there’s anything wrong with that lol

    • Lol oh mikey, you know more than u know. It is true. We have have lax view sometimes about things and we are willing to experiment. Think of us gays as really horny mad scientists, trying to take over the world, nookie by nookie.
      I think we have the capacity to love. As does anyone. Maybe I m getting to that age in the gay world…nearly 40 and nearly dead. That I just want to find that balance of hot, passionate, mindblowing sex, with comfort, respect and companionship. SInce I havent meet a porn star yet, I ll keep Str8 around for while..

  2. never did get the whole ‘open’ relationship thing, and I dont like it. I had a lover who wanted that, so I broke up with him. I mean, there’s a relationship, and there is a roommate/fuckbuddy/best friend thing. But there is no ‘open’ relationship (although i knew a guy with 2 husbands and they all lived together. That was wierd too lol). I think any couple claiming an ‘open’ relationship is basically playing house and lying to themselves about it. because that is more like we live together but we r just dating and are allowed to see other people. nothing serious there to me, so lose the pretend ring lol

  3. Regardless of gender, orientation, background, and assorted parameters, ok, so any ONE could sow their seeds. I agree, rw, that ‘open relationships’, generally are negative attempts to keep something not worthy, or something that looks good from the outside. I had a relationship with my last x, where we had 3some experiences. (That’s so many more blogs I really need to do).
    Relationships are challenging enough with just 2 people, let alone trying to deal with anyone else. Outside of a ‘relationship’, no problems. Really. Yes, a fuckbuddy/roomie/friend with benefits..always nice. But throw love into the mix… well.. Bobbit….
    I am no angel. But I think I need to get more information about such relationships.

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