So been thinking about the whole dating, mating, relationship thing. As the milestone marking of 2 yrs is creeping up for Mr. Str8 and I (my longest -I know, gasp, shock, awe), I started to think about the work it takes to make it work. For us, as well as other couples I know.
It all begins with exciting, sexually charged attraction, the eyes, smiles, all those wonderous things we do when we are attracted to someone. And then you get through the dating stage. And into the relationship stage. Ok…I sped through it, I know. think of the paragraph as a real gay relationship. Hot, explosive to start. But quickly fades. Some say gay relationships’ lifespans are condensed, (I am assuming mainly for gay MEN), as well…we are still men, and men, I am sure you do not need a reminder, are pigs. Dogs. For a million reasons, men in general, it seems, have committment issues.
Of all the issues Str8 and I have had (and I am more than sure, will continue to have), we have also had a whole lot of love. I have had many encounters (relationships, on the other hand, can count on 1 hand). My chipmunk, really no experiences. 1 girlfriend. Couple of J.O and B.J.s. So, I have settled into ‘been there, done that’ spot in my life. Albeit, a slightly bitter, guarded, spot. He is a kid in a candy store. Or, more appropriately, a homo in a porn shop. And so far, as a monogamous gay couple, so far, we seem to be doing pretty well.
And couple of friends (friends in a couple), BK and Alan have also been together about the same amount of time. They have a very different relationship in comparison. 1) they live together for most of this time. 2) very open, very relaxed. 3) recently (am still trying to get the scoop for u folks), have an ‘open’ relationship.
Alan and BK are not the first of my friends who have had this aspect in their private lives. (Sorry but everyone knows whatever I know is fair game for me). Robert and Barry have had to deal with the pressures of external partners in their relationship. However, after about 10 yrs together, and a beautiful wedding to make their committment of love, they pretty much seem to be out of that trap. Just the two of them. (I ll fill you in once I get that scoop also).
And at least two more couples I know have had, or are still engaging in, sexual encounters with other men. It seems to be a common factor in gay male relationships. Doesn’t it? Is being a gay really about sex. And with as many other men as one can get?
Are Str8 and I in the minority? (As we haven’t even figured out the whole not just us sex thing yet, but I can say, it is something of conversion). I have asked before and now again, can gay men really be monogamous? Is it a test of love, that is generally accepted in the gay community? Or have we been so overly stimulated in a highly sexualized society, that we are allowed to get gratification any way we can? Are all gay men sluts?