Universe’s Puppet

A non Mr. Str8 entry to share.  (However I hope to add some more shortly, and with his arriving tomorrow night, I would bet I should have more material).

Ever feel like there are times the Universe says to you, “Hey you, it’s the Universe.  We think that you should entertain us.”  And then it happens.  Those rough days, where everything seems to be against you.  The toaster.  Coffee maker.  The squeeze toy on the floor,  positioned JUST so… we all have those days.

I find that on days that start off with one of those hiccups, the song of the day becomes,  “Barenaked” by Jennifer Love Hewitt.  ( I love Love Hewitt!) 

And the worst is days where it pretty much is normal.  Sure, the traffic is bad because in this city, we seem to have short memories.  If it was nice yesterday, golly gee, it’s raining today!  What do we do!  So, with September here and all the kiddies back in school, its back to ‘A Nightmare on the Streets’.  So arriving late to work (20 minutes) was not really a sign.  I really should have paid attention….

Got through the day.  Glad to be going home.  I had neglected, that I had almond milk in my shaker to make a protein shake for lunch.. A-ha!!  That was were I went wrong.  I impulsively decided to get Seoul Chicken at the Korean place in the mall food court.  Mistake 1 1/2.

I make it through the day!  And once on the bus after work, with Carlie and another co-worker, I opened my bag.  Seems that if you leave liquid like almond milk in a container at room temperature, it tends to pop off the lid… so..ya…a cup of slick, sticky almond milk pool.  My umbrella was doing the backstroke.  My agenda downed.  My Metro Transit schedule downed.  And the worst part was, I had accidentally left my brand new Tarot card deck in there.  The case did not survive.  My cards were somewhat trying to soak up the liquid.  So, thanks to my two helpers, we used tissue to wipe the cards off, trying to dry them.  There, at the back of bus.  With flecks of tissue floating in the air.  That must have been a sight.  Got a look or two from the lady on the other bench.

I didn’t really care about the other stuff.  Umbrella washes easy.  Agenda, meh.  But Mr. Str8 bought me my Tarot deck, and that upset me.  Which made me think: I do have some rather embarrassing moments.  Sad but true.

So thought I might share some of my ‘Lucy’ moments.  Hope it helps you through you turns at being the comic relief for the Universe.

Some of my faux pas are eye-candy based:

this one needs a bit of visuals.  So the modern world, now has bins for all the various kinds of garbage and waste.

As in this example.

In the early 1990’s, Toronto still had open garbage bins.  My friend Alexi and I were downtown.  Walking as we had the day to hang out.  It was sunny.  Beautiful.  As we walked down the street, I was drawn to this really hunky guy.  I followed him by turning my head as we walked, and Alexi was talking….

… and did not know about the can until I hit it and actually flipped face down into it…(similar to the photo).  Alexi practically crumpled to the ground in an uber fit of hysterical giggles.  And I was left with not just egg on my face, but who knew what.

At work: decided to have a flirty moment with one of my super cool, close straight co-workers.  He was playing along and I kept looking at him, while walking… yup.  Smashed my head into a pillar.  It was most humourous for those who saw.

At the mall.  Friends.  Escalator.  Again, I took my eyes off of where I was going, and kept them on a guy who caught my interest.  You guessed it?  I missed my footing and as I stepped to the escalator, and fell backwards on to my backside.  Apparently causing a 2 person pile-up.  Nice.

Or, on the bus, on a rather busy ride home.  I was standing up, using my iPod and holding onto the handle with one hand.  The driver was in a Molson Indy kind of mood.  He stepped on the brakes quickly, and here I go, slow motion like, sliding forward, right down to the 2 seater bench in front of me.  On the laps of a straight couple.  I was mortified!

I slipped on a patch of ice one winter day.  I not only fell back, landing on my tail bone, but did a sad imitation breakdance move, and spun around.  In front of a crowded street.  I didn’t go downtown for the rest of the winter.

Came back to my desk one day, and went to sit on my chair.  I did not do it in any way classy, as I threw myself into it and slid straight to the floor, bumping my head on my desk.

Going down stairs, at the mall, and lost my footing.  Stumbled and started to go down. grabbed the railing.  I did a slide on the railing for several steps before I regained my composure.  I was applauded by a couple of people.

I am not too proud to share this.  I was just angry and upset that I had an almond milk swimming pool in my bag.  I guess in some way, the Universe has a great sense of humour.  Just sometimes, we don’t see it, when the object of the joke is ourselves.  So, I just know I will have many more ‘Lucy’ moments to share in the future.

If you have your own stories to share, feel free to let me know.  I cannot promise I will not laugh.  But as they say, embarrassment likes company.

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Filed under Humour, Silly Me

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