Shit My Boyfriend Says 1

A few random quotes from Mr. Str8, to share.  His version of ‘Shit My Dad Says’..

1) “Why don’t you get black ones.  Red pumps make you look like a hooker.”   (To his teenage daughter shopping for high heels)

2) “Can you move out of the way- you’re blocking my view of that guy’s hot arse.”

3) ME: “Hello?  That was our turn.  You just past it.”    STR8: “Shit”   ME: “What were you thinking?”     STR8: “I was thinking what Derek (from Teen Wolf) looked like naked.”          

4) STR8: “I feed that cat three times today.  He is still looking for more.”     ME: ” I could say the same about you.”     STR8: “Yeah?  Well at least I know when to stop.”     ME: “Really?  Let me know when you do.”     STR8: “What are you saying?  You calling me fat?  No, wait don’t answer that…”

5) (At the park feeding squirrels, he is holding the bag of walnuts.  I reach for some, and he pulls it away)     STR8: “There’s not much left.  Get your own nuts.”     ME: ” Really?  How about if you don’t share these, I’ll show you what I’ll do to your nuts mister.”     STR8: “Here. Have some of my nuts.”

6) STR8: “Why the fuck do they call this a gay movie?”     ME: “Cos it IS a movie about gay men…?!”     STR8: “Porn is a gay movie.  A movie like this should be called crap.”     ME: “Cos there’s no sex?”     STR8: “Yeah.  A crap movie.”

7) “I told you I don’t believe in marriage.  Why bother buying the cow, when you get the milk for free?”

8) “I spilt tea.  What’s the deal?  Your carpet’s fucked already, you can’t really tell.”  (In response to my freak out over tea stains)

9) “See that guy over there?  He can’t take his eyes off me.  He wants me.  I know they all do.”

10) ME: “I don’t wanna get up!”     STR8: “I understand.  If I had me in bed next to me, I wouldn’t want to leave me either.”