Str8 Dirty on Diva Clean

“Cleanliness is next to Godliness”

OK?  I get the jist, but really?  Maybe past the Pearly Gates, but have you seen the universe lately?  My mother had drilled this into me, since i was a child.  Not unlike the world playing to death Ricky Martin’s ‘She Bangs’, like they didn’t know he was gay.     My mother worked as a chambermaid at the Westin Nova Scotian (well, at the time it was the Nova Scotian Hotel).  She was four-foot something, and was a clean freak.  By OCD proxy, I developed the trait as well…….     At least, the worst is when I have no life.  My house is clean and mostly tidy.  Add in a life, and recently, Mr. Str8, and not so much.

not my real throne, but just as clean

I hate dirty dishes sitting there, in the sink, all stinky and covered in slimy, cruddy substances.  Not unlike college bois after a kegger party.  I like my dishes like I like those college bois-clean enough to eat off of.

Wasted college bois..easy to flip.. but so messy

Similar to personal hygiene, tastes in food, music, movies..etc..a person’s clean habits can be very different for someone elses.  Differences in life experiences and variations on upbringing have Str8 and I pretty much at arm’s length, and meeting each other half way.

Kim & Aggie..visit Str8 at home?

For the most part (until recently), I was obsessed with trying to keep my mini-home up to the level of superior standards of the domestic Goddesses, Lynda Reeves, Steven & Chris (Sabados & Hyndman), Debbie Travis,  Hellen Buttigieg, Kim Woodburn and Aggie Mackenzie.  Ok, yes I must admit, even the Grande Dame Domestic Goddess of them all, Marth Stewart.  I find myself now, since Str8, following another great….Pigpen.

To be fair, since Str8 goes back and forth to work, we have this rather unsettled life.  (Kinda like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, you know, before they went straight).  Because of the these stretches, it makes it more important when together, to be together, as it is so limited a time we have. Even if he will give into his gaming addiction while we are home together.. but that’s for another time.  I put off some of the extensive housework while he is here.  Then, I usually do not get to all the stuff I want to do, before he gets back.

My idols kept me sane, and motivated, as well as the filth.  I want the clean, tidy home, with pretty things.  Filth scares me more than how Nick Nolte looks after a mug shot.  I usually do basics regularly.  Full on crazy gay man cleanings before he gets to my place.

the celebrity representation of my dirty house nightmare

Str8, on the other side of the Mr. Clean soaked rag….     Lives in a tiny house (He had before we met).  Example of the differences: he has two glass tables in the dining area.  (I believe them to be glass tables, as you can barely see any of the top).  These are covered in junk.  Papers.  Toothpicks.  A Christmas card from 2002, among random things.  Last time I was there, we had to eat on folding TV trays he borrowed from a sibling…Yup.  Tables=piles.  Before this visit, while on MSN, I jokingly inquired as to when he last cleaned the bedsheets.  His reply caused a gag and I chucked a bit in my mouth a bit.  Thanks to my diva explosion, I discovered (by an intense feel and smell inspection), all the bedding (sheets and all blankets) were 1 day freshly laundered.  One for the diva.

Back to the dishes…As Str8 is on well water, what comes out of his taps is awful, putrid and not fit for human consumption. (I think this water was drunk by Kanye West-would explain a lot).  Str8 will build up in the sink, the objects he needs to wash, to do in one massive effort taking task.  I know, you are thinking, wow, that is really country!  For anyone who is in the known, it is the island portion of the province, called Cape Breton.  It’s like Str8 is a Crocodile Dundee, who likes to get his cream fresh from the straw…What?  I know you know what I mean.

At my place, I fly around like a Danny Tanner from ‘Full House’, trying to clean up after him.  Tea and wine spills.  (have you read the tea spill quote #shit my boyfriend says)?

Just like most things in life, when you deal with individuals, you deal with all of our unique qualities, tastes, backgrounds, nature, nurture, and level of comfort.  I find it cute and annoying.  I am very much a city boi, gay as the rainbow.  Str8 is, well…yeah, see, you get it.  Not that he is lacking in cleanliness.  His houseworking drive is as low as George Michael’s after a visit to the public lou, but his personal hygiene is impeccable.  (coiffed hair is paramount.  And that is another story).  I make light.  The truth is, while there may be a film of dust, a pile of junk on tables, clothes on the sofa, dishes in the sink, we make allowances for minor cleaning maintenance, for the chance to live life.  If I could live in the glossy pages of  Canadian House and Home, I would.  I would be a Stepford Wife.  Reality is, I live in a mini-home, and live my life.  No maids.  So, I make sure my stuff is clean, I keep my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom the most in check.

And as winter is soon to set back in, I ll have plenty of time to get my house neat and in order.  So I will take the time with Str8, and if there is a dust bunny I see, but haven’t had the OCD kick in to pick it up yet..meh.  I can do that tomorrow.  There may be a mess, and clutter, but as long as I can keep Kim and Aggie from showing up at my place, I will keep it so. However, I would be grateful, if someone would submit my name to Ms. Travis, for consideration on her CBC show, ‘All for One’. Thank you.


1 Comment

Filed under Humour, Silly Me

One response to “Str8 Dirty on Diva Clean

  1. I’m sorry to tell you, but this his straightness surfacing. Straight men don’t clean… fact.

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