Love & Quality Time (aka the Things We Do for Sex)

Spending quality time with someone, is an important part of human development.  We all know about belonging, and needs.  Some of us have more social skills then others.   (We all knew folk like that..hell, we could be them even).  There is as many things we like to share, as there are people to share them.  Friends always have it easy.  I know the friends I can watch ‘Sex and the City’ with, or ‘Glee’, do dinners, movies, drink, run the roads, or do a spa night.  Once you cram a Samantha, Charlotte, or Miranda, (or even a Carrie),  into a significant other…and sex…it gets a little complex. 

Beyond Abraham Maslow, John Curtis Gowan, and Henry A. Murray, humans in relationships usually will find themselves doing things they may not like to do, in order to fulfill certain needs.  Yes, let us be frank.  (“I’m not Frank, but just don’t call me Shirley”, Str8 once said.  He broke out into a fit of laughter, thinking he was funnier than Leslie Nielsen from ‘Airplane’.  I rolled my eyes and gave him my Diva “oh fuck”).  We will allow ourselves to do things that we may not really ever do, thanks to getting regular supply of nookie. 

While courting, Str8 was more than willing to take me out, meet up with my friends for drinks and half price h’ordeuvres, and listen to us complain about work.  We did restaurants at lest twice a month.  Movies.  We would play favourite songs for each other, watching the videos on YouTube.  Sit on the deck, and star-gazer with a glass of wine.  Ah, the good old days.

Now-a-days, I have been a soundboard for him about video games.  He explains them to me, thinking my hovering over him is a sign of interest.  (I do this to either bug him or annoy him  into not playing).  I have also taken to try to show some interest.  I have sat to watch him play.  Encourage him.  Scream at zombies.  Even played some with him.  On the other hand, I have taken to his interest in making homemade wine.  (It’s alcohol, after all.  And wine..a love we both share).  It’s something we do.  Even if he does most of the work, and I take orders.  (“hand me that towel”, “hold the tube”, “see this packet?  It is…”)  I feel like Igor, to his Count Dracula…  However, it is something we can do together.

I have in turn shared my pastimes of writing.  He is impressed with the blog, even if he says things like: “Do you think all those people really read your shit, or do they just happen on it by mistake?”     I know, I wish I could put into words how I feel about his support.  Or, my digital photo art.  He has been good with that. Even if he says things like:  “You did that?  Not bad.  What the fuck is it?”

This summer, we started a new thing.  On gorgeous days, in the heat and sun of summer, (the 3 days we were blessed with this year), we drive in to town to Point Pleasant Park.  And feed the squirrels.  Or, as a child, Str8 called them, ‘square-els’.  It is fun, and I have more squirrel photos than I do of him, or us together.  (Str8: “One picture each time we go is enough.  You starting a fucking blog about squirrels?”)

In the winter, we started watching back-to-back episodes of ‘Charmed’, from season 1.  We dissected the stories, check in IMDB for information (like Holly Marie Combs being pregnant juring filming), for conversation.  We shared our passion with my friend, Carlie, and her family. 

We also find making dinners a very good example of quality time.  We laugh, yell, and share a connection preparing foods.  And of course, we enjoy eating.  That goes without saying.  We make the time to take turns being the expert, and even though we have ‘shit my boyfriend says’ moments, we knew, that this is a positive thing.

I will take the quality time of watching science-fiction with Str8 on my laptop, any day.  I guess, really even in movies, we willing give in to each other’s interests, just to enjoy being with each other.  While patriotic myself, (Jenna, my NDP cap is off to you), for me, being an artist, I have made Str8 sit through Canadian films.  “Gunless’, ‘Splice’, ‘Mambo Italiano’ (which, being a gay movie, he loved, even without any sex scenes)..and I have sat through some groaner, low quality kung fu movies. 

My sister, has had her husband embrace her love of being on the road (a family trait), on the hunt for country auctions.  They galavant the countryside, making bids on boxes with hidden treasures (and junk),  and antiques.  They get to talk about the kids, work, family. He gets to enjoy her company, while she also gets to enjoy another passion, photography.  My brother-in-law, may make fun, but indulges her creativity, and is right there, sharing it.  It works for them now, as in an empty nest, they have found something productive to do. Together.  “It’s often the only way I can get him out of the house with me”, she said when they started this adventure.  “Otherwise, we would be in the house, watching a marathon of ‘Star Wars’, day in, day out.  I can’t fit into some of my clothes as it is now!”  I heard that sister!

I mean, I am not sure I could find myself being Katie Holmes-like to join Scientology, even for Tom Cruise.  (Sorry Tom).  Or find myself in the middle of croc territory, (no matter how much I love animals), like Terri did for Steve  ‘Crocodile Hunter’ Irwin.  (Sorry Terri).  However, I do enjoy every precious moment I have with the man I love, even if he is Str8.  And we all have learned our own limits when it comes to taking on our significant other’s interests.  That as humans, we are willing to make the case for companionship, and no matter how mundane, or exciting, we will do things for the ones we love.  More precisely, the truth is, that as Maslow said, we will do just about anything to get laid.  What?  It’s the nookie.  Right?

Paint it any colour you want, but humans are social creatures.  We thrive with interacting with others.  As creatures looking for companionship, we have so much to share.  It’s not about just the common interests, but the ones that are different.  Of all the reasons we will ourselves to share things together, is it just the prime directive of sex?  Do straight men really go to the opera just to sit next to their ladies?  Do ladies really suffer football just for the tight ends?  As much as it is for love?  Are we willing to try new things, for the sake of sex?  Or love?  Both?  What hobbies, interests, pastimes, adventures do you share with your partner?

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