Monthly Archives: October 2011

Update Oct 28

With the winding down of  October, and the approach of Halloween, I feel I have neglected my posting duties, as a blogger.  Granted, I am still not in the zone, as I have been finding myself still picking up the mighty pen and scratching, what I consider to be, writing.  And then, once I scold myself, I start working on drafts in WP…and then I let them sit there, or erase them, as I, upon review, think “wow, this really sucks!”

To be fair, the rollercoaster of life opened up a new track of late, one with a really scary loop.  I decided that whatever life throws at me, I just sigh, pull on a Teflon bodysuit, and roll with the punches.  Since I cannot possibly control those things I have no power over, I will stay the course and do what I have to.

To that end, I finally decided to give my all to the National Novel Writing Month.  Yup, yours truly, is determined to actually make the effort.  (Pathetically, I had signed up one year, and only got about 3 pages done).  I have a million ideas, and partially written manuscripts.  Treatments, outlines, titles, and even a gleam of a script, have haunted me for years.  So, this is the year I finally make myself face…ah..myself… No excuses. 

the concept is an easy one.  “November marks the beginning of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), a project in which thousands of writers around the world work toward completing a 50,000-word novel by November 30th.”  (as per the official WP page).  It is a non-profit organization, that supports writers, and promotes support to writers.  It has created the concept of writing a novel, full out, for one month, to get writers’ wordsmithing muscles in shape.  The focus is not on quality, but quantity.  And you would be surprised on the content that can be created through this method.  So, I am working on an exercise to blog something, every day.

And, as if that wasn’t ambitious enough of an endeavour:  I am also going to start a health/exercise plan.  I have lost my way, not keeping up my craft, but my health as well.  The growing mound of flubber about my midsection is beginning to feel as if it is a living creature.  Some horrific flick, in which I am the host to some symbiotic mass, just hanging around.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am not a weightest.  I had battled being overweight before.  The jist of it: I had lost over 65lbs, and was comfortable at a waist size of 28.  The size 34 jeans I have on as I write this.. a reminder that I need to take better care of me.

So, I am taking heed of supporters of my creativity, and my doctor, and going to giv’em.  Now, if I could just get Mr. Str8 to join in the health plan….

And speaking of Mr. Str8….

Last night we went grocery shopping at the market, for our late Thanksgiving dinner.  I love cooking it, and we invited our neighbour Carlie and her family.  As we were loading up our goods at the check-out counter, the sweet older lady behind us, commented on our larger than normal order.  She  asked: “So who is the cook?” 

At the same time we both replied:

Str8: “She does.” (points to me)

Me:”Me…she.” (Nod, roll my eyes, and point to myself)

Lady:”I see some knows about healthy eating.”

Me:”I do..try to get this one to….”  (I wink at Str8)

Later on, at home…

Str8:”I wonder how she knew we were gay.  Oh, wait, she saw you.”  He cracked himself up for about a minute. 

So, a random, quickie.  Task done.  So, trying not to be afraid of what to write, I figure, meh, I ll just put it out there.  I mean, in the questioning of relationships, what is not covered?  At the heart of all we do, (of being alive),  it is all about a relationship.  The relationship with ourselves.  And if we can expose ourselves, share even the most remotely random nugget, I say, that is healthy. And even if there are people who may not get me (hell, I don’t even get me yet), or people who may like to follow my ADD posts, then it is all good.  I say we all should just sit down, take a moment, and great material or not, dark or light-hearted, we should just share something intimate.  And see what happens.

 

 

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Commitments: Mobiles & Men

Commitments.  As a species, we very much wax  philosophy on the ideal.  A good number of us even practice it.  Not all, but most.  We make commitments on a daily basis.  And romantic commitments seem to be the hardest of all.  Much more so then the annoying decision to commit to, say, a cellular phone company, and finding the right plan.

I was in the process of posting a more serious view on relationships, until I had to deal with issues with my cell.  That got me thinking.

cell plans=romantic relationships?  Sure, why not.  Ok, fundementals:  we look to connect to someone as a mate.  We seek what we hope is the best company to deliver the plan we want.  We look for the traits in a person that we like.  We pick a cell unit on much the same criteria.  So, then, why is it designed the way it is?  That we have so many choices in cell plans, as well as mates, but we just have a hard time with the commitment?

My cell is virtually my world.  And Mr. Str8 is under the assumption that he is.  Frankly, I couldn’t have our relationship without it.  It makes you think when things start to not work right.  And after all I have invested in both my cell and Str8, I wondered if I was really the romantic leading diva, I always thought I was. 

Problem is, in a cell plan, if your unit goes haywire, there are certain steps you need to follow.  If we only get a one year manufacturer’s warranty, then why are we locked into a three year contract?  Are we prepared in a relationship, to keep a commitment with a mate that starts not working right?

This makes me think.  Are we even getting it right, in our pursuit of a committed relationship?  Is the ancient cavepeople way of bashing a victim mate, not still being used, and is it not the same in the competitive world of mobile phone companies?

Ok, so let us compare finding  a relationship with finding a cell company. 

Cell: 1) They have storefront locations, with products on display.  2) You get the chance to play with them.  3) You have a warranty for the first year, and the chance to pay more for a repair plan.  4) You are committed to a contractual time-frame, usually three years.  5)  You can get credits back, download fun and cool things.  6) You even get the chance to upgrade to a new model if you wish.

Mate: 1) They are around us all the time.  They are at bars, churches, libraries, dating services, sex clubs, classifieds.  However, usually the important products are not on full display.  2) You get the chance to play with them on rare occasions, unless ur gay, then u have a room full of units to play with at a bar.  3) You have no warranties in a relationship, and it can sour at any time, and there you are: without regular service.  4) There is no real expiration date for a relationship, however, you will know it, one way or another.  It is an assumption we make, once we get over the ‘honeymoon’ phase, that we are in essence, in a committed relationship.  5) Trust me, there are no credits in a relationship.  You usually cannot be compensated for CDs that go missing, or artwork, or JuJu, the poodle pup that your now ex takes in their custody.  6) There is no upgrading with a relationship.  Sure, you could search for a new model to replace the old one that got too over/underweight, or less clean, or unemployed, but really, it means that you are now past the expiration date on the current mate, and unlike the cell upgrade, the partner upgrade means starting over from scratch.

I have been with my mobile company for over 13 years.  Str8, 2.  After 5 cell models, (only one was a lemon.  This current one, over used, but still wanted), and over 5 relationships (3 were lemons, the current, over the top, but still wanted), I think I am still the commitment type.  I am resentful that with my cell, I have to pay for servicing, even though I faithfully spend money with them, year after year.  That after the warranty, your screwed.  And in a relationship, well, you are screwed in a good way, until you are screwed in a bad way.  We seem in today’s world to not really want a commitment.  New companies, or ones that ‘listen’ to their customers, offer non-contract plans.  So, you can stay as long as you like, even try on another plan from someone else.  In life, we call these people sluts.  So…..

And once you are stuck paying for repairs, and unwanted charges  and fees with a cell, it reminds me of something similar in a relationship: alimony (aka: palamony, support).  No?  To get out of a commitment, you better have the cash.

I want to keep my unit.  Or, upgrade.  I, personally, perfer to be someone who honours commitment.  As long as I get satisfied with my long-term carrier, then I will be there supporting them.  Just like with Mr. Str8.  As long as we satisfy each other, we are good. 

I want to have a relationship.  That is the goal.  Whether it is with the same partner or not.  Similarly, I believe in cell plans, even if under the end-date, my unit craps out, and I get stuck paying more.  I feel comfortable, mostly secure, and proud to be apart of the company I am with.  Well, let us just wait to see how repairing my Blackberry goes…  In the meantime, I think I will keep Str8 around awhile longer as well.  I feel the same things with him (well..no, really I do…), as well as love.  I do not back down from commitments, nor do I take them lightly. 

So, cells are pretty much like partners.  We may seek out contracts, nor not.  We may not be happy with units once something newer, cooler comes along.  And with people, is it not, really, the same thing?  Do we choose based on whether we are in a commitment or not, or do we choose to make that choice as we go?  Are we all secretly commitment whores, or are we like Superman, and commitment is our Kryptonite?  Are relationships not like cells, in that we fall in love with something, and we instinctively want to hold on to it as long as we can?

I say we chuck out the old ways for finding love.  If we can have cell units on display, why not people?  They should come with 1yr warranties, plans, you know, the whole nine yards, just like cells.  Really go shopping for a mate.  Best part of all: the upgrade.  You could go from zero to hero, for a small fee. 

I may have issues with my cell.  I may have issues with Str8.  But at the end of the day, it is not about expiration dates, or contracts, or the bad times.  I wanted my Blackberry for a reason.  Just like I wanted Mr. Str8 for a reason.  And while I may be one of a small number of ‘mos actually wanting a committed relationship, I think I am OK with that.

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Sh** My BF Says: Str8 Quotes Mini….

1) “One picture each time we go is enough. You starting a fucking blog about squirrels?” (comment to our park outings to feed squirrels, and my taking endless pix)

2)“Do you think all those people really read your shit, or do they just happen on it by mistake?”

3)”You said to eat the (turkey dinner) left-overs.  Didn’t say to leave you any….Look, there’s a little mashed potato still……WHAT???”

4)”Didn’t think he could sing.  I mean, look at those eyebrows…in need of a lot of work on those things…well, there maybe hope for him.” (watching X-Factor UK)

5)”That’s a real Brita jug?  Look, the top broke…I dropped it…A new one? Why?  See, just need to hold the top secure..ok, it’s a little awkward, but you can still use it..”

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An Ex-Spotting?

Have you ever kept in contact with an ex?  How many of us, once we are done with, or been unceremonious dumped by, an ex, do we keep in touch?  And if not, the running into an ex is like ‘Walking Dead’ meets 90210 drama.  How can one overcome this by chance encounter?

I tot I taw an x! Did I, did I tee an x?

Ok, so as luck would have it, I have only a few select ex-partners that I will eventually run into.  And of all my ex’s, only one remains a valued friend.  My musing is thanks to a creepy encounter the other day, while on the bus to work.  Trying to mind my own business, while chatting with a former work friend, I glanced out the window, into the passenger side window of a van.  With a dog perched vicariously in the seat.  Beyond the dog- that face!  I can be prone to drama, so ghosts get the best of me at times.  I usually think I see people I used to know, out and about.  Natural, as we do live in the same city, right?  Well, this is not one of those stories!

Clark had a rather interesting life, albeit a long, soul-searching one.  I will have to devote a full article for this one! Until then….About four years ago, I had the half-hearted goodbye with him.  This was after I allowed him to stay with me, after he ended things (I know, don’t judge….), for about a month or so. He had no connections to any of his ex’s, and I was insane enough to think this would be any different after only 8 months.  We chatted friendly once, a couple of weeks later.  Through a series of events, he had been with someone else, and it seemed to have ended on a sour note.  He moved back home to his parents.  In bumroger nowhere, hours away.  Clark, did not have his driver’s license.  He couldn’t handle a lawn mower.  However, in the time since I knew him, word has it that he indeed has his license now, for a job.  (gasp!)  And, I have it on good authority, could very well have been driving along side my bus.  In the city!?

I wish I could say that it was a spark of lost love that I was feeling.  But the awkwardness was darker than that.  I analyzed it for a long time, but it isn’t about us.  Or me.  It really is about how someone who loved someone else, could just pull up stakes, faster than an illegal snake oil husker, and leave behind bad karma.  That someone couldn’t repay what they owed, and settle up, is beyond me.

It really is not about the money, or the broken promises.  An ex who slinks out of your life, like a fox out of the hen-house, as not to get caught, is not a person I care to re-encounter.  Bygones be bygones, I get.  Does this make me one of those yappers, who never lets the past rest?  No.  Pretty sure I can let things go.  I am still practicing that one.  Is it that thing, about the fine line between love and hate?  Again, no.  I do not hate Clark.  However, I do not like him.  Or who he was.  If I were to come face to face with him… That’s the rub.  I could make a public scene (which I have already done with him).  I could be polite.  If you have something to say to someone who meant something to you, should you not be able to speak your mind?  If given the chance, would I walk away, or would I deck him?

Ok, I know.  There is the high road.  And the low road.  I like to think of myself as a high road person.  I have weak moments, I admit.  I can slip back into the hood routine of my past.  (If I do, please note, it’s Brynaenae Shanikqua, thank you).  I have great advice for others, but for myself.. meh.

And running into an ex, is usually at the worst time possible.  One friend admitted, that she had an ex encounter at a protest gone wrong.  He was the police officer who grabbed her, in the melee, and tackled her to the ground.  I know!  He arrested her.  Another friend, was on a date with a new girl, and his ex turned out to be the waitress, who took the order from his new girl, while he was on his way.  He got there, and found them politely talking.  (It was a bad break-up, after 4 years).  He kept collected, and they did chat, but he admitted, it was awkward.  So, unless the fates throw us together, in some freakish attempt to entertain the universe, I guess I can handle it.

So, I will, now that I have gotten a wiki link update, allow myself to relax, and let the bitch slap land where it will.  Is foreshadowing any better than blissful ignorance?  Would I be better off?  After all, who is to say we will even actually ‘see’ each other.  I mean, we could be (have been) at the same place, at the same time, and never know it.

And there you have it.  Puppets for the universe’s enjoyment.  Ex’s are ex’s for a reason.  Some, a nightmare.  Some, just didn’t fit as well as the Chanel jacket that never lets you down.  So, then, if you have ever encountered an ex, how did you handle it?  Did you ignore them, or they you?  Did you have a confrontation?

Have you ever ran into an ex?  Ran one over?  Any advice?  Would love to hear your stories, of an ex-encounter!

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