Str8 to a New Cell ( Or: Cell Crash Derby)

I had texted Mr. Str8.  After work, he went to the market.  I didn’t get another text, and about an hour had passed, before he popped online, and thank gosh for my cell, that I had been on chat.  I was perplexed, and as I was questioning his surprising me online, this is the text I got:

Mr. Str8: “don’t text.  Cell keys fucked up.  I smashed it”.

Temper 1, cell phone 0.  So, radio silence.  Breathing space for him for 2 more days.  I was a hot mess!

Tuesday I anxiously survived the work day, and rushed home to deal with my computer.  Carlie offered her hubby’s technical services, and I was about to slam the laptop closed, and walk over to their house to have him work on it for me, when I texted my tech genius pal, Techie, I got him to download the drivers from Dell’s website.  And I had called Dell tech support.  And through a series of mishaps, the rep advised us to do just that.  Done buddy, done.  And I pretended that Str8 was working that night, or else, I would have blown out the bomb of a vein on my head.  Only, he showed up online, tried to contact me on chat, but I missed him.  And, finally, close to midnight, off to bed I went.

On Wednesday, Str8 got in, and I wanted to let him get an idea of the options for a new cell.  He started to get frustrated as I explained them, and scrolled through the choices.  And with a deep frowned brow,  something caught his eye.

Str8: 39.99?…Sold

I looked at the tiny buttoned cell, and raised one of my brows.  I let it go.  I needed sleep to deal with his affliction of anti-technology comprehension syndrome.

So, Thursday after work, I now had to deal with shopping for another cell.  As we drove to, and parked at the Source, I was trying to convince Str8 that all is good.  He needs to find a new cell, and put to his account.  (He is a prepaid, no hassles, no frills Str8 guy).  And once inside, while humourous, it was painful.  And it went a little something like this:

Str8: I need a new cell. I got mad and smashed it at Sobey’s.

Salesman: Ooooh..kkk.. Yes, u sure do need a new cell.

Str8: We saw one for 39.99.

Me: Did you not want to check out the slider?

Str8: I want a phone easy to text with. I don’t care.

Salesman: Well… (He presented Str8 with the options on the display)

This one is a good one for texting. (showing him one of the sliders)

Str8: How much is this?

Salesman: $99.99

Str8: NO.

Salesman: Ok… (we start comparing prices)

And what plan do you have now?

Str8: $20, unlimited texting, 30 cent a minute calling… (this means that his attention is now off of actively shopping for a new cell)

Salesman:  Have you looked at the newest plans they have?

Me: Ahhh…(I snapped my head to the salesman, eyes wide in terror, knowing this was not going to go well)

Str8: I don’t want a contract.  I even hate the prepaid plans.  NO contract!

Salesman: These are not contracts.  It’s prepaid.  You get plan like a contract, but it is pay as you go. You can get the phone for free, and they take off a percentage of the value of the phone…

(and I watched as the Salesman lost Str8.  The blank expression, the glazed up eyes, I can even heard the sound in his ears as ‘wwaaawaaaawwwaahhh  wahhahaawaaaaa’)

…..and if you walk away from it, you just pay off the balance of the cost of the phone.

Str8: (shaking his head) Ok.  Wait.  I blanked out.  Give that to me again.

Me: (hanging my head) Oh no, here we go.

(the Salesman launches into the explanation again, and I tried to help break it down).

Str8: But I get all that now, for $20 a month!

Me: (to Salesman) Ok, so that’s a no.  We’ll just buy the phone, and put it on the existing account.  Ok?

Str8: Ok.  And I want this one.  (takes the LG Rumour2)

(the Salesman gets through all the set-up.  After a short conversation, and buying a protector cover, and a connection for his iPod for the car, we left the Source).

Me: Ok, now this phone has a security lock, so all you do is first press *, then the arrow key.

Str8: Why the fuck for?

Me: Because it protects u from pocket dialing.

Str8: I can see that pissing me off.

Me: I can see that too.  And be careful with sliding it open and closed, it’s sensitive.

Str8: I am regretting buying this phone already.

Me: Too late now, so happy new cell to you! (I laugh).  And please just relax with it.  Take your time.

Str8: Considering what I paid for it, I better.

Me: Good boy, that’s a good boy!  (mockingly, as if to a puppy)

Str8: And give me my phone before you fuck it up.

Me: Right.  Cos that’s what I do.  You’re just so pleasant.

Str8:  I know. (sounding cocky).

Me: I put the picture of ice cubes on your screen.  Did you want me to change that?

Str8: (looking at it) Naw, that’s good.  It reminds of vodka.

And now we both have new cells.  And I am wondering at this point, how much more challenging this month will be.  I am back on track with my computer, and Str8 will have his patience tested.  I can only hope it goes well.

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Filed under Humour, Relationships, Silly Me

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