Tis the Season: Conspiracy Theories & other Madness

Ah.. ‘tis the season. It is that time of festive lighting adorning homes, holiday colours of reds, greens, and apparently blues, strewn about. Of trees with decorations. Santas and snowpeople populating spaces in the world. Seasonal music teasing ears in malls. Stores packed up with the latest items, being promoted as great gifts. Smells of eggnog, vanilla, cinnamon, and ginger teasing you in places that feel most wonderful. Ah.. ‘tis the season. The anticipation of a family feast. The quality, loving time, spend with loved ones.

 Ah…’tis the season. Shopping. And this is where my Christmas spirit shrinks and wilts, and turns into coal. Really? I love shopping as much as the next diva. And I will admit, that as a poor diva, I have not always managed to get my shopping done in a timely fashion. I usually run around at the last-minute, hyped up on a deadly dose of caffeine, sugar, and murderous holiday determination like Richard Simmons on crack, trying to save the world from flubber. (The man is way more perky than I). I have racked up credit cards (still paying). I have been a Scrooge, and not done shopping. I remember the days when I actually did purchase gifts, reasonable, good gifts. I have not had money to do so for some years. Mary Walsh, I miss those days!! This year, I am pretty sure that if I have the extra cash, I will be picking out gift cards. I just adore the world now, where virtually every retailer has a selection of most standard options. And this year, I think my ESBL (expected shopping budget limit) will be the ever cheap and tawdry amount of $10!!! I know, big spender here! Lol.

 For those that say it is not about gift giving, I say you probably deny alien life, and think that Brian Mulroney was a great Prime Minister. See, I knew it! Pour hot cider in my eyes and call me applehead. I know how this works.

 The conspiracy started with a covert Christian group, not unlike the Men in Black, or the A-Team. And they made a pact with retailers to commercialize Christmas. To make it the most lucrative event in history. Not even ticket sales to Lady Gaga or ‘Twilight’ can compare. The genius is in the mass marketing of ‘good will’ to humankind. That gift giving is the root of this most glitzy holiday. The biggest ticket items like Popples, Strawberry Shortcake dolls, Star Wars, Avatar, XBox, Red Rider Bebe guns, flat screen LCD internet connected 3D TVs, and more have all been given the stamp to be the ‘it’ item of the year. I will have done of it.

No sir. Not this diva. I will not help support the greed of capitalism and the desperate attempt of countries to try to use poor citizens to float the economy! While they sit and sun in the south of France. I will pick up my debit card, and swipe it like a princess warrior and her sword, well into the new year, while exhausted retail cashiers are still blow torching off their bunions, and corns. I will spend my hard-earned money and purchase sales items, and give them as gifts with a clear conscience. And I will do my part to dent the master plan to take a holiday of love, generosity, kindness and family, and turn it into a glittery explosion of money spending insanity.

This diva is on a crusade!!! Who’s with me?!……anyone?…

 Ah… ‘tis the season to be jolly… cha ching, cha ching, cha ching.

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Filed under Humour, Rant, Silly Me

2 responses to “Tis the Season: Conspiracy Theories & other Madness

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