When in a relationship is it ok not to do something for support, that maybe you may not normally do? And this time, we are not talking about anything of the requests of the intimate pursausion. We are actually going to look at relationship basics. Sure there are times, in the normal daily routine of life, that we have brakes on when it comes to certain practices. A partner who only drinks on rare, special occasions, for example, will opt out on going for drinks with friends after work, as it is not their thing. Or, a partner uncomfortable at the vetinarians, wont accompany you with Fifi, on a routine check-up. Ok. Not a problem. We all have little things we wont do. One cannot expect to always have mates do whatever they want. Not everyone is a Kardashian, so real life partners should not be tyrannical and command each other to do something they do not want to, or not normally do.
Picture this. While dating Clark, I introduced him to my Uncle, and they seemed to hit it off. A few months later, he passed away. I was crushed. I do not deal well with death. And Clark knew this. And when I mentioned to him that after the funeral the family was getting together, he in no mixed signals, flatly said he would not be attending. I naturally, in true form to the tempers of both sides of my lineage, went atomic bomb on him. I still have to deal with the hole in wall from the front door slamming into it, after I bent the door catch frame. I was mourning and here was my partner, telling me because he dosen’t ‘do’ these things, that he would wait in the car. Really? The irony is that for months, in the beginning, he was all ‘ms. Drama’ if I did not introduce him to my family. And it was an attack when I mentioned to my godmother on the phone, that I was with my ‘friend’. And now, in a time of need, he was being an ass. Now, on the day of the funeral, he was the quiet strength I needed. The blur of getting to the service, the wait in the chapel. The service itself. Public displays of affection were very few with us, but the whole time, Clark did hold my hand, as I squeezed it, or had an arm about my shoulders. By the simple act of being there for me in that moment, I forgave him for not actually meeting the rest of my family. And with my sister, they got me through that day.
And while dating Daniel, he was only ever out to my mobile home once, and only because he returned from a working trip early, and his parents were still at his apartment.
Daniel: “I hate Sackville. I hate the drive.”
Me: “Excuse me? Your ass drives to the resort on the other coast and back, but you can’t take the 30 minute drive to Sackville??!”
Daniel: “It is the worst drive ever.”
And so, never did I ask to get picked up or dropped off at my place, to avoid the thirty minute to over 1 hour bus rides to get to his place in the Southend. I did, however, make it a point to constantly remind him of his childishness. (I rather enjoyed that more than winning and getting him out to the edge of hell).
With Mr. Str8, we both have lines we refuse to cross. Serious, as well as the ridiculous. A regular battle is getting him to meet me at the terminal. I advise him of when the ETA is. And he shows up minutes later.
Str8: “I am not waiting for you.”
Me: “Pardon me? So I have to wait for you?”
Str8: “It’s easier for you to wait, you can go in the building. That’s the deal.”
And when winter weather settled in, drive intelligence drops faster than the temperatures. There were a string of accidents on the highway home in a stretch of about a week. And without knowing, I texted Str8 to be at the terminal at the time I thought we would get in. And I updated him. The after traffic of yet another accident was delaying us. And when I got there, I were prepared for a fight. I actually figured he would be unreasonable about having to wait, and I was already to do my diva bitch role. What I got was, a smile, supportive words, and a kiss.
Me: “Who are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?”
Str8: “What? You thought I was going to complain? What do you take me for?”
Me: “Wow, I feel like an asshole. I am sorry babe.”
Str8: “Besides, I am in the mood, so guess how you’re going to make it up to me?”
Me: “And then my BF appears. Ok, but I will only do it because of your sacrifice, and not because I would do it anyway.”
I have found myself willing to go along with things, more so it feels, than partners do for me. Not that I ask a lot. I mean, really, I am a diva, so it is expected to have a certain level of worship. It goes without saying. I would do family things for my man. I have, and will do again. I would be supportive and do whatever it takes to ease the pain of the one I love. I would drive anywhere, and take it all with a smile. I know Str8 is not keen on pets. And thanks for my feral feline pals, I am not so determined still to take in a new pet. Love is compromise. Love is putting someone else before you. Love is saying thank you for being supportive. Thank you is not often common it feels today. As in the world now. We all expect a lot of things. We expect partners to do things they may not normally like to do. And when we are in that position, how willing are we to put ourselves out there? No one ever is perfect. (Naturally, besides me….wink). Truth is, humans interact for a reason. We may not stay forever together, but sometimes there are reasons. Degrees of love, and kindness. Sometimes we found out just what kind of person we are involved with, at the times when we most need them. When do we say to someone we love, ‘no’? When in a relationship, is it ok not to do something we may not normally do, for the person we care for? As an individual, one does not need to give up who they are. Relationships are only strengthened by having individual identities. And not to take for granted that just because we are in a relationship, we can force each other to go out of comfort zones. When in love, we can be capable of acts of sacrifice, while at the same time be capable of acts of selfishness. Support your partner, goes without saying. If you do not feel that, then you have some decisions to make. If you do, then it just may be love. Trust me, you can have love, and not feel it daily. When the chips are on the table, its then, you discover the depth of love.