Monthly Archives: February 2012

Thanks for the Open Box of Chocolates, Forrest, You Gump!

If life is like a box of chocolate, it would have a variety of flavours and textures to choose from, right?  So, then, how it is that sometimes you open this mythical box of delights, and all you get are the same damn selections?  Thanks for the Open Box of Chocolates, Forrest, You Gump!

So it seems for many of us, with the hope that variety will enrich us.  Jobs.  Purchases.  Relationships.  The boxes I have seen have had pretty limited offerings.  And with job hunting on my list, I am not impressed.

 And if you think of the world and all of it’s locations, one would think, ‘hey, this is decent.’  Who has been to a club lately?  Those bonbons, then,  seem way too narrow in fillings.  And they all contain nuts.  Hard, indigestible nuts.  Hard core insane nuts.  The kind of nuts only a starved squirrel would try to keep.  My single friends, (the straight ones), say that it is slim pickins, like someone called ‘buffet’ at 9pm, and any tasty dish was gobbled up.  The dried up, nasties seem to be left in the box.  And, as one female friend added, ‘have bite marks even’.  Eewww…

Jobs seem to also fall under the same tab.  Sad little pieces, virtually no real choices.  And for many of us, a hunt for employment is being done all at once.  Like a sale on meat.  Some how, the not-so-starving shoppers get the prime cuts, while the general public get: ‘cashier for plastic pet poop products’, or ‘wanted sales manager for industrial audio cassettes company’….wtf??? I thought that at least, there would be one really delicious morsel to sink my sweet tooth into.  Oh, I thought I had done just that.  An entry level position in the exciting world of travel.  (insert ‘ooohhh’ and ‘aaahhhh’ here).  Sure.  Then the box of chocolate turned into some bad tasting dollar store crap.  By a company of gnomes, that shall remain nameless…. dashing my hopes of a good career move.  And now, in a financially have-not city, I am one of many, left to get the equivalent of an expired sweet.  I am gay, people, an ARTISTE.. whom has been a d list celebrity for more years than even Kathy Griffin!!! I hate starving, have I mentioned this?  No creamy centre for me to enjoy here, just the stale hard taffy core that will chip a tooth.

It feels like a candid camera version of the ‘support local’ ideal.  Locally, selection, well, sucks.  And some funny looking host will pop out and stick a camera in my face.  I want Laura Secord options here people, not dollar store stock of choices.  Really? 

So, while I have my own box of chocolates in the relationship  aisle, I am still combing through the meager remains of a post discount sale in the box of job treats.  And take it from me, not all boxes of chocolates are created equal. 

Hoping your selections are delectable and sweet…… Thanks for the Open Box of Chocolates, Forrest, You Gump!

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Random, Rant, Silly Me

NA Meeting Introduction (or How I Have No Life Thanks to Netflix)

Hello, my name is Bryon.  And I am a Netflix addict. It’s been 3 seconds since my last Netflix viewing.  Ok, I am watching it as I sit here, so please do not judge.  I have been addicted for 2 months now.  And I am paying the 7.99 a month for my supply.  I am unable to function without it.

It all started when my well meaning step-daughter helped Mr. Str8 set up the internet on the Playstation 3 on her Christmas visit to the city (ok fine, it’s Halifax, so … town).  She is the tech brains in the family.  16yrs old.  So pretty much the expert.  And once I got home from work, we discussed the option to start the 1 month free trial.  So we did.  And that is when I took took the plunge off the cliff.

It started with the marathon of ‘Sliders’…I watched every episode.  And realized why I had forgotten it.  That is one of the hard points.  I was glued to the screens of the TV or Sully (aka my laptop), every moment I could view it.  I need an inter-netflix-tion.

I have gone through all of ‘Sliders’.  2 seasons of ‘Primeval’.  All of ‘Angel’.  4 seasons and counting of ‘Bones’….Plus several movies. I m like Brittney with a new level of crazy.

Please do not judge.  Please call my family and let them know I went down with a fight.  Ok, really, we all know that is not true.  I fell to my knees like a dirty bitch.  Like a Kardashian really.  Just try to make it sound like I actually put up a challenge.  Tell them I maybe lost to them.  But I am found in the world of Netflix.

Thank you.

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Random, Silly Me

DEAR EX,

In case you do not remember me, I am the one you lied to, made a fool of.. oh, and the one who set fire to your new Ford Fusion, with your clothes, computer and your priceless mint condition Spiderman 1969 comic book… and maybe even that Mariah Carey CD….

So I hear you are finding a ride to and from work regularly, what with your car being all blown up and all.  Hear tell it is not just his  car you are riding, but his bootay…ok, his fat ass as well. I have seen pictures on Facebook.  Looks like the pool you are swimming in now is rather limited in anything other than hideous whales, but whatever…. I guess it was going to happen since you happen to be pond scum, and were about to be eaten alive in the real sea of life of real people.  The saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea may be true, but well, it seems fitting you thinking you are all big tuna in a small pool.  At lest there, you may need to visit a clinic more often.  Or not, which would make me happy.

Just thought I should warn you, that one of your wick wells is playing hide the wick with your roommate too.  And, by wick well, I mean your main ho, your public pubic puss polepumper, your community transit ride.  Maybe that is why you took up with it, after all, we both know how much you love to share.

I found a few items of yours, about my house, and thought I should send them to you.  Then I laughed, and threw them out.  Since possession is tenth of the law…. oh and no worries about the money you owe me.  I sold anything I could.  The pawn broker in town was really fair with your jewelry I ‘found’ so, I think we are good.  Thank you  for the vacation to London.  I will not think of you or your skank while I am at the four star hotel.

Just wanted to say, you suck and by the way, hope you enjoy the picture of me I enclosed, now that I am slimmer and sexier.  So says the med student I now am dating.  And yes, that hot sexy 2osomething in the photo is him. 

Sincerely happy now,

Me..

8 Comments

Filed under Humour, Random, Rant, Silly Me

therealbryon Twitter Popular Mini Quotes

Gay In The CIty @therealbryon

1)Time waits for no one….just like owing $ to a bookie…it ll hurt more the longer u put it off..

2)Holy Richard Simmons!  Is that an infection, or did you eat all the Tim Hortons from Vancouver to Halifax?…

3)Its valentines, u can tell by the velvet handcuff cover shortage in town..even freaks like it soft today..

4)Rupaul didn’t die…who named u queen?…

5)Ladies..he is a ‘mo when he gushes over ur new pumps..n says ur just like Carrie Bradshaw..

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Quotes, Random, Silly Me, twitter

Resolution Pep Talk

With a new year begun, and the seasons about to change, one can look at the world and re-evaluate the resolutions, ideas, goals and actions to make a course correction.  Promises over holidays, plans for how you want to the year to be, are easy to make.  Without even a bead of sweat, you can make lofty ideals.  You really want to quite smoking.  Get fit.  Go on a trip.  Call your sister more. 

It’s all fine and noble, but let us ask now: have you been taking it into action?  Fulfill your destiny?  I have made my share.  And simply, I am still trying to get on track.  Easier said than done.

firstly, I finally have some real cash saved up, but for all the things I keep thinking on, I find I still have some sitting there, waiting for me to spend.  Downpayment on a new car?  Laser eye surgery?  Computer?  Trip?  Meh, I want, need them all.  But, without enough to do all, I have to be smart and figure out which would be most beneficial.  I mean, I could really use the money to pay on debts.  Naw, that is way too smart for me.  I am in dire need of a new laptop.  For this, I can go cheap, and make installments as I go, and while nearly bleeding financially, I could manage.

And, I found out recently, that we get a corporate rate for the gym.  With my not fitting my size 29 pants, and small shirts anymore, I really have been lamenting about getting back into shape.  And I would have start the affordable membership already, if it were not for the bus strike.  There is no location in walking distance from my house, so it is not like I can get about in any reasonable fashion.  The best part is, that my office buidling is attached to a mall, with a gym.  Since I am subject to transportation by carpooling with a co-worker, I am as it were, hog-tied.  Once the strike is over, I will have the chance to get there after work regularly, while Mr. Str8 is away, working.  I can be the slimmer me, but it is just a mirage for now.

I also find myself needing to replace my 3 year old wacked laptop.  It is acting up so badly, I can barely manage to do any one thing on it, without it looking at me, saying ‘computer says no’….there, that is the rub.  I financed my last one, and the final payment is due in the summer.  I will have long smashed it by then, if not for the painful charging of my credit card to get back to my ability to do my photo art. 

And with the new awesome camera I got as a christmas present from Mr. Str8, I have been forced to learn it inside my subpar house, as the weather has been cold enough to prevent me from actually venturing outside to use it.  Suffering from raynaud’s, has made me, well, a bear.  In most senses of the word.  I also will need to purchase a backup battery pack (over $80) to ensure on those days I am out shooting everything up in sight, that it  will last longer than a couple of hours…(insert sigh here)

A car would be nice, but I figure, I have survived for 4 years without one since it was written off by being t-boned…. (give me a minute, it still makes me weep)…  So, that is a long term goal.

With the approaching of the ‘hill’, and the downward tumble of age staring me full in my face, I realized the lessons of life, rather late.  I will admit freely, I am not one of the sharpest tools in the shed.  Still, I know enough not to promise myself anything I cannot deliver.  As I had done for some many years.  Resolutions and goals are great.  It is how motivated you are to obtain them, that is the key.

Those unspoken, the many little wins we have daily, the forgettable ones, are the ones we need to remember, hold up as the measure of our ability to achieve.  To keep the faith. So what if we put on some extra pounds. So we ate more junk food.  The leaky kitchen tap, finally drove you over the deep end?  You are still smoking a pack a day?  Hey, guess what?  You are human.  And if you really want something, you will get it, do it, or fail trying.  And try again.  Excuses stop meaning anything after a million usages.  It is nearing the end of winter and spring is in the air. 

Do you not think that spring should be the time you set yourself into action?  Renew your faith in yourself.  Believe.  And do.  I am done with the whining.  it is time we play for keeps.  And I have been lazy far too long.  You can do it.  Stop thinking, and like Nike slogan says, ‘Just Do It’!

Leave a comment

Filed under Rant, Silly Me

Str8 to Valentine’s (Or: Valentine, Schmalentine)

Now that St. Valentine’s Day has passed into the good night of history for 2012, just wanted to do a quick update on Mr. Str8.  He has gotten used to the buzz around being the subject of posts, and while he will never confirm this, it is my view that he has started to write his own dialogue.  (at least in his head).

With his working until Monday, the 13th, he arrived late that night.  And in passing, mentioned that it was Valentine’s, the very next day. I had decided to make an effort this year (last year we pretty much ignored it).  I had a card, chocolates and a bottle of wine ready to guilt give him. 

While at work, I tease texted him:

Me: Happy Valentine’s Day again!

Mr. Str8: same to you

Me: And this is the romantic I never expected from you….

Mr. Str8: LOL

(this caused an eye twitch in my right eye, coupled with an eye roll, that popped a vein in my forehead)

After work, on the way home, I texted him regarding dinner.  I was hoping to actually get a dinner out, as I was plotting hoping that by the inequity of my surprise gift, he would concede to finally going out for a real restaurant dinner.  And by text:

 (Footnote: with the city in a transit strike, I am carpooling with the only co-worker who lives in the sad, far far away bedroom community I am standed in.  He is pretty much a straight version of Mr. Str8 -from the same general area in Cape Breton, with the same general mentality- and we were en route to Costco, to buy his girlfriend roses)

Me: so wats for dinner?

Str8: I dont know, wat r u making for me?

Me: and I was thinking u werent gonna be romantic, silly me….

Str8: anything u want?

Me: maybe we ll just eat watever, and go out for dinner tomrw?

Str8: (after a pause)  well, dont feel to go out tonight, we ll see about tomorrow

Me: ok, great…then delivery tonight?  Had pizza at work for lunch, so no pizza

Str8: what else is there?  Fine, how about Chinese?

Me: Yes please.  lol

Str8: Since I am starving, and feel like Chinese, we will get Chinese. 

So, we ended up ordering in, and  without complaint.  I tried to pull for better material, but to no avail.  Safe to say, there wasn’t much conversation.

Leave a comment

Filed under gay, Humour, Quotes, Relationships, Silly Me

Wildlife of..: the Gay Bar Part 2-(A gaysexandthecity expose)

In tonight’s  episode of Wildlife, we will look at the those elusive creatures that inhabit the often sketchy territory, known simply as the  ’gay bar’.  This ain’t your parent’s Nature of Things, to be sure.

This habitat has become extremely popular among it’s wildlife.  In many parts of the world, these ‘watering holes’ have sprung up all over, growing in proportion to that of the demand for space, and variety.

While any gay can be found in these hot spots, there are many examples of the gays that frequent regularly.  And we look at the most common groups in which make the gay bar a significant part of their routine.  Scientists believe that these specific breeds of the gays, are instinctively drawn into the gay bar for gratification.  Tonight we will look at the freak’omos.

freak’omos:  Of the various breeds of the gays, these are among some of the most interesting.  They often are free spirited and move from other groups, settling in this variation.

Freak'omos want to play with you

Often premiscious, and adventurous, they enjoy layers of intimate encounters, rooted in the fetish, and kink.  Leather, chains, make-up, role-playing, S&M, they seperate themselves from the rest of the gay bar gays, making many of these other members take a stand-offish postition, unless they are seeking to experiment with this brand of behaviour.

They will often worship idols such as Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, and the genres of music such as goth, rock,  alternative rock, grunge, and glam. 

Adam Lambert- an Icon

Outside of the gaya bar, many will maintain a mild manner ‘normal’ persona.  Others, will still dress in tribal freak attire, with colouring of their hair in blues, purples, pinks, greens, and oranges. 

They can be found at vintage shops, and will enjoy comic books, the occult, and on-line gaming.  They will engage you in conversation that weaves from intelligent to  gibberish, and be encorherent at times when they are intoxicated.

a common sighting of freak'omo gays

the freak’omos, (freak homosexuals), is termed, in an effort to classify these pecticular brand of sexually open minded and creative gays.  At the bar, they will enjoy ‘performing’ for the other gays, and will gravitate to the Queens, and the Bearitallers.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under gay, Humour, Silly Me

Story Idea 1

A part of a story I am working on. …… like to hear comments.

Before the Highest Power

The mist that danced around her was soothing, after the fall through the vortex.  The pulsing, radiating power made it difficult to breathe.  The mists drifted out, and before her, in the multi-hued blues of drifting lights and dense fog, she gasped at the shape now becoming solid.

Getting used to this world she was now a part of, she almost forgot to gag at the sight.  Although none of her senses were being assaulted by the common foulness, she nevertheless tensed her muscles.

The palpitating mass of bumped, wet ectoplasmic flesh shivered.  The opening of a large eye, flat black on filmy white, startled her.  Even a couple of meters from her, it rose like a giant green beach ball.  She curled her nose, realizing that it looked more brain-like.  Then it spoke.

You have come here, where it is forbidden.  You have arrogance to stand before Us.  It echoed in her head, more than actually spoke.  Somehow knowing that she too could just think, she spoke out loud just the same.

        “I came here for answers.  We’ve put our lives in jeopardy to fight for you.  And most of us were thrown into it, expected to be perfect and….”  Starting off shaky and nervous, she quickly found a strong voice.  She jumped at the vibrations of the thing’s sound in her head.

Insolence! Whom do you think you are speaking to!  We construct all that is you.  We do not answer questions.  Your destiny is as it is.  The voice rumbled in her ears.

        “Please forgive me.  I beg of you.  We are trying to live up to this ‘destiny’ you bestowed on us.  Our lives have changed.  I just hope, wonder, if you really got the right warriors.”

She felt the honesty flow, like lazy water, all over her.  The humming toned down.  The voice less threatening.

You seek to know what you do is true.  It is.  You are more than chosen.  You are the one.  The all.  The now, the before.  Of the chosen, one shall lead.  All are where and when they belong.  The balance of good and evil was tipped and all beings fuelled the chaos.  The Protectors of Good replaced order.  Knights to banish the minions of darkness.  We are the Highest Powers.  You are as you should be.  All that was, is, and will be, is no more than anything.   It was written, shall be told and is becoming.  All that you seek, you have in possession.  The hero, which is one, is the whole.  All are seeds cradled on the wind.  Everything is nothing, and nothing is everything.  You will be what you must when it is so.  All will be written as the force of Magjyks is, will be and was.  This is Our answer.  Go and fulfill your destiny as it was, as you will, only as you can.

Leave a comment

Filed under fiction, Silly Me

Coming Out: Muse & State

Coming out in any time in the history of the world surely is full of challenges.  We have pressure packed societies that maintain order and are suppose to exact justice for all.  That’s how it should work.

How did humanity become so divided, that we exist in bubbles from each other?  Ok, we all get the basics; the history and geography classes we took in high school should have given us a point of reference.

We know that humans evolved, by whatever means at their disposal.  That they somehow figured out that staying put with the comfort of numbers, of growing and herding food, was better than aimlessly wandering the wilds.  They needed to keep people in these groups, so laws, religions and social hierarchy  became to be formed.  Each group had their own concerns, challenges.  People were people, no matter where and some things would occur…. Well, anyway, these early societies began to develop and grow.

Sex has always been a difficult issue, one we refuse to talk about but not ashamed to practice.

We would have our independent say about our bodies and who and what we did.  We were in control of ourselves.  This didn’t often sit well with leaders, political and religious alike.  They believed they had the power over their people, that each one had a responsibility to serve these leaders.  This seems to have substantially altered human evolution.  That for the most part, sex was about reproduction, nothing more.

Fast forward, to the civilizations that forever shaped who and what we are:  Britain, Rome, Greece, and all of those other greats of Asia.  The most influence and dominance have come from these forces.

Each one set upon a path of it’s own.  Religions took the reins of guidance and power.  Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, among others, have and still weld the might of nations and spiritualism. Here is where the waters of human existence get muddied.

The modern world has suffered untold maladies, witnessed horrors and atrocities unmentionable.  All of which is far from over.  We are in the midst of the middle bouts of battles on the war of human freedoms, acceptance, rights and openness.

How many of us from our own part of the world have looked out beyond the cages of our lives, and wondered if there were others like us?  Maybe not everyone; maybe not yet.  But at some point in being alive, we question ourselves, our world, and our role in it.  Some question early, and seek answers.  Most push it aside, to try to ignore it.  Still, many more process the world and then it affects them later on; only now to add their own imposed feelings and responses from the society they now see in a different light.

Sex.  We try to classify, to compartmentalize and categorize sex and how we define ourselves in regards to sex.  It took scores of civilizations, of maturity and hardships to finally allow humans to be considered: straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered; even plain old queer.

To come out, is to put yourself out there, no just as another human being, but now labeled as something else.  Straight folk have the advantage, as it is the core of sexuality.  It is accepted that all of us are heterosexual, until we provide evidence to the contrary.  How we talk, walk, laugh, run, drive, eat, dance, sing and shop- the list is endless. On these cold hard facts, we are judged as to our sexual orientation.  We even have named the detection system used to weed out those not straight.  Gay-dar.  Intuition that often fails us, this is the secret weapon.  Personality and intimate feelings of self, and subsequent expression of these aside, we are forever distracted by figuring each other out.  Instead of coming out ourselves.

The idea of disclosure is a pure one.  Humans are needy as well as independent.  Some are ok with being ordinary.  Of deception and protective of their privacy.  Some embrace the world of their gender specific roles, and act accordingly.  They can enjoy and be happy in their decision, or suffer dire consequences.  Many will at some point stand up to the society in which they live, and place themselves in the line of view and scrutiny of the whole world, good and bad.  We all come out, show the world who we are.  True colours.

Family is a resource, as well a source of anguish.  The younger and more certain the person, the more pressure on them, to paint a label on themselves.  As to the position they will take so that others can pick their own spot.  The ones who support, the ones who denounce and the ones who torture.

Outside of family, I never once regretted being openly gay.  I found great open, loving and kind people, the most surprising, and the most refreshingly positive, were the men I knew.  At work, in the real world, in the ‘mature’ world, I found wonderful experiences.  But to strangers, on public transit, on public spaces, the bullies appeared.  Not since school (college, to be sadly accurate) did some of the worst offenses to the weaker and lost souls really mark those souls. I was picked on endlessly.  Mostly about being gay.  I feel guilty, that I was not good at hiding the truth (because I believe I always knew in my heart), and they were punishing me for fibbing.  If only it was that simple.  I wonder.  If I stood up and screamed loud that I was, would it have been different?  One way or the other.  But I took the easy way out of that situation, and suffered a lifetime of trying to have self-confidence and self worth.

The most important family learned the truth, when secrecy from my parents became less important.  Both parents would never know the truth before the grave.  I dream of the perfect family in which I could have been me, myself & I.  But coming out to all of my family was the easiest thing.  Suffering the worst pain of not being able to be myself to my parents, and the best feeling of being true to myself with my sisters and her  family and of being loved.  Everyone else is secondary.  I love my family, but being wanted is great, but not mandatory.

Coming out is very personal, a decision that affects, effects and challenges the best of us.  As humans, no matter where you live, in what society, in any time, we must be true to ourselves.

Sex is personal, but there has to be a common line each of us can start from, to share the goodness, and even the bad of life, to be kind to all.

If we all have a point of reference that we as individuals can grow from, then we will be better humans, for the future, for the species, and be honest and brave, to come out and feel the sun.  To be stronger as people,  as a family.  To come out, whatever that means to you.  To not hide the light, not hide the reason for you being who you are.  To set up a safe place in families, friends, schools, and communities, for anyone to come out, and be accepted.

The world has changed, in many regards.  Humans still working to find our way.  Coming out is a major, often life altering event for many, those who sum up the courage will tell you.  It is a rite of passage for those not straight.  I say, why not all human beings do the same?  Why not every one of us, stand up and come out, declare yourself to the world?  Could the world be a better place, if we just make things a little bit more equal, and not just pay lip service to the ideal? 

Coming out is a major turning point for anyone willing to expose themselves.  We try to be seen, want to be accepted for who we are, no matter the colour, creed, or feelings we have.  So many will not have the chance to be free to do so.  Is it not the village that should raise the children?  Are we not civilized enough yet to give our futures the chance to flourish? 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Random

Old Friends

Out of the blue, on a perfectly normal day, I was surprised to find a letter from an old friend.  One with whom I hadn’t communicated with from some time.  Actually, it has been months.  And it revealed some unpleasant events.

First of all, in my own defense, I had started to write a letter to my wayward amie for her birthday.  One I have signed, yet to seal and deliver.  Procrastination.  Yes, thy middle name is such.  No other excuse, as I have plenty of time, and a stamp floating about.

Then there is the whole other shoe to drop.  Long distant relationships are hard on those who want to do it.  But, for friends who had fallings out, who have missed out on a small chunk of time, these really do fail.  I had every intention to try to make it work.  I, being the romantic I am, believe that forgiveness can work, can put a fresh coat of paint over the cracked and bumpy walls.  I left behind a life; with all the joys and all the baggage one usually tries to forget.

Learning the disheartening news made me feel, naturally, guilt ridden.  Not that my own personal hell was enough for consideration by everyone else.  As if my story earned a medal or something.  It served to reinforce the simple fact that life is something we must toil with, that it’s the hardest thing, just to be alive.  And everything we experience is designed to make it more challenging.

Why is it we can go through life with a view that suits us, that once it becomes past tense, the blinders melt away and we are left to see the whole, ugly vista?  How do we rebuild, or remake a relationship with someone we knew once, but can keep in touch with by paper?  Can we put aside the things that caused us grief with friends, and reconnect with them at a later time?  Have they changed?  Have we?  Are we old friends, or new friends with history?

I am the first to admit I am bad at keeping order.  I rarely do anything on time, or the way most people do things.  I hate that I cause distress in others.  That my inaction causes loss of faith and trust that I can’t begin to repay.  That I try to over look the negative, which, I did in the beginning, and it proved to be the down fall.

Even before anyone can interject, I have had my share of negativity.  I was a difficult person to befriend I know.  Most of us, at some point, are like that.  Part of that complex human nature philosophy.  I am far from perfect.  I think I have grown some, matured, and even opened my mind some.  But I can’t help to wonder, if I have progressed so much, and so has my friend, why do I have a caution sign flashing in my head?

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized