DEAR EX,

In case you do not remember me, I am the one you lied to, made a fool of.. oh, and the one who set fire to your new Ford Fusion, with your clothes, computer and your priceless mint condition Spiderman 1969 comic book… and maybe even that Mariah Carey CD….

So I hear you are finding a ride to and from work regularly, what with your car being all blown up and all.  Hear tell it is not just his  car you are riding, but his bootay…ok, his fat ass as well. I have seen pictures on Facebook.  Looks like the pool you are swimming in now is rather limited in anything other than hideous whales, but whatever…. I guess it was going to happen since you happen to be pond scum, and were about to be eaten alive in the real sea of life of real people.  The saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea may be true, but well, it seems fitting you thinking you are all big tuna in a small pool.  At lest there, you may need to visit a clinic more often.  Or not, which would make me happy.

Just thought I should warn you, that one of your wick wells is playing hide the wick with your roommate too.  And, by wick well, I mean your main ho, your public pubic puss polepumper, your community transit ride.  Maybe that is why you took up with it, after all, we both know how much you love to share.

I found a few items of yours, about my house, and thought I should send them to you.  Then I laughed, and threw them out.  Since possession is tenth of the law…. oh and no worries about the money you owe me.  I sold anything I could.  The pawn broker in town was really fair with your jewelry I ‘found’ so, I think we are good.  Thank you  for the vacation to London.  I will not think of you or your skank while I am at the four star hotel.

Just wanted to say, you suck and by the way, hope you enjoy the picture of me I enclosed, now that I am slimmer and sexier.  So says the med student I now am dating.  And yes, that hot sexy 2osomething in the photo is him. 

Sincerely happy now,

Me..

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8 Comments

Filed under Humour, Random, Rant, Silly Me

8 responses to “DEAR EX,

  1. Oh My!!! I found you via your comment on The Abberant Pen (Ed) blog, I just loved your user name. I guess what Ed said over there does work. I love you!! This letter is perfect!!!! I need this letter to send to an ex, for the exact same reasons, and did I sell stuff, especially the 5 carat anniversery band, got a pretty penny on that one. Did we live the same life?? You’ve got a fan in me, I will be following. Have a fabulous weekend!

  2. orchid

    i hate your ex too! 🙂
    this post is spot on..

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