OK. Bit of a rant. Had experienced a couple of things in the past month or so. 1) I had accompanied my friend Tayon and her mother to blown up incident involving one of her sons, before meeting Carlie for a night out. 2) Overheard some racial slurs at random in public. And I realized something. Somethings have not changed in the world. So, I reflected on myself and how I see the world. That I admit I am unusual, and a bit of a farce, at times. But at least I can face myself. And laugh at myself. Be who we are, (Native Canadian, black, white, Asian, Middle Eastern, or gay), I get right pissed at racial profiling and ignorance. So, just wanted to put out there a viewpoint from my head.
The best part of being raised out of Nova Scotia, and in the hood of Jane and Finch in North York (Toronto), was that coming home, here, I see things as (what we call) a ‘fromawayer’. Toronto, with its ethnic neighbourhoods, meant, that I could see, experience, things from the perspective of the people who made it a bridge from where they came, to the melting pot of Canada.
While I did have friends who were like me, (white, and ‘Canadian’), I grew surrounded by the joys of Chinatown, Little Italy, little India, the Hungarian hood, and the Caribbean.
I knew early on I was different. And trying to find myself, I tried on being a Prep, a Mod, a Rocker. I spent much time with my friends who had exotic, colourful cultures, that made me realize, I am Canadian, and that we all come ‘from away’.
I would make pillows, and pillowcases, and apply fabric in frames, made of sari. I loved saltfish and ackee, jerk chicken, curry everything, and real Chinese and Japanese foods. Every week in junior and high schools, we would make our way to the Jamaican store to get Jamaican patties on a bun. And drink ginger root beer.
I was different, and the Kraft dinner, hambugers, hot dogs, and fish cakes were good. But gimme spicy, hot, delicious food!!
I was awkward and overweight, compensating for the instinctive programming of being gay. I denied it as long as I could, and embraced things that were not from the world I was raised.
It sickens me that after all the struggles, plights, challenges, and plagues, humans have suffered at the hands of each other in time, that we still have not learned lessons.
People see me. White. And flamboyant. Hell, I am queer and proud of it. I see people too. It is not just that as caste of humans, that the gays have adopted the rainbow to represent the vast community we are. But as hope for all of us to see colour.
I get mad at whites who say shit like, ‘I don’t see skin colour’, or, ‘I have friends who are (pick a colour)’
I see colour. I see pink, white, brown, black, and all the fabulous shades of humanity. It is our differences that make up this world. Without colour, it is not just black and white. It would dull.
I know pain. Fear. Humiliation. Loathing. Hatred. Suffering.
I know love. Joy. Happiness. Peace.
I haven’t lived a life of others. I can empathize. I can try to understand. I can weep at the darkness humans inflict upon each other.
I can admire, and hope, and laugh and open my heart. I can open my mind.
I still have faith for us. I believe. I wish. I make a stand.
I will eat my curry chicken, or ox tale, or lasagna. Listen to reggae, bollywood, or musicals. I will be walking the street like a runway model a la RuPaul, and gurl, don’t get me all up in ur tired ass grill…cos those heels r da bomb!!!
I will ogle, and objectify men (damn, boi, that junk don’t stop!) And do it from an ironic heart.
I will be fierce. I will be me. I am the life I have led. I will balance my good with my bad. I will hang my dream catchers, wear my moccasin boots, make shit out of sari and I will see you.
Whatever colour. Creed. Nationality. Good actions or bad. I expect you to see me too.