Category Archives: Rant

the Ides of April

funny how sometimes the universe sends you a message you cannot ignore.  And in the dark, it is the light that finds you, and the fear and pain can wash away.  I have just been in this position.  And while I try to make light of somethings, sometimes you need to acknowledge the complexities that is life.  And, in turn dead.

So, in my pitiful life, worrying about the end of employment, and dealing with pettiness, my sister had to deliver sad news.  A dear, wonderful family friend died.  And not just any one, but a selfless, compassionate and angelic like human being.  Anna was a light in the gloom of the world.  Never a mean thing to say, she was always loving.  Even when cancer began to attack, and Anna suffer, she took no easy way out, no more than she needed.  Her philosophy was always, ‘there is someone worse off than me.  Let them have it.’  And as she fought the good fight, month after month, she still was a shining light.  And last week, the last once of fight left Anna, and she was no longer an angel on Earth, as she was returned to where she was needed next.  And all those lives she touched, remembered her.

And from that, my sister returned home, to a sick husband.  And the horror of his being so sick, that he collapsed.  My sister, ever the force, did what she needed to.  My brother-in-law is a good man.  And he held on, in ICU, with my sister at his side.  And in hospital, he has gotten better.  And getting better.  And we are grateful.  Not unlike Anna, my sister is an amazing human being.  Loving, compassionate, and strong.  A light in this world.

My good friend also got bad news.  Her nephew, who came to defend another, was shot dead for his stand.  And a young man, taken out of this world by an act of violence.  And it rippled out, a family trying to make sense of such a loss.  So young and promising.  Senseless.

And today, it seems more senselessness… A member of the gay community in Halifax, a much loved, and wonderful human being, was beaten violently to death.  Raymond Taavel, came to the defense of another human being and paid with his life.  I knew of him, but a moment in time.  I meet Raymond the first day I was at the local gay bar, about a week after my mother died, and I was on my own.  I sat with him and his friends, and we drank, and ate.  We talked about writing, and many times after, when I would go to the bar, he was there.  Always a smile, always positive.   Always a chat.  He was brutually killed by a psychiatric patient who was allowed an unescorted leave.  He failed to return.  Raymond tried to defend his friend when, by the reports, the patient was accosting him.  And paid with his life.  Metro Halifax Regional Police arrested him.  There was a vigil for Raymond.  A downtown street was blocked virtually last minute, for the honour of a key member of the gay community, of the city.

In a world of diversity, of good and bad, it makes life a balance.  It seems for me, that the lives of many have intersected, that in the wake of death, of serious health issues, of loss, the balance of the universe will find a way to give us messages.  To remind us that life is precious, and short.  That any one of us, could be off this mortal coil in a last heart beat.  That good, positive people can be taken.  And while  we do not understand, or agree, that we feel anger and resentment, we all must find something good.  I wish to find the goodness, the light, the positive of good people, and try to live life with the honour, for those taken before their time, or at the end of a long road.  I choose to live up to the strength of good people.  For Anna, for my sister, my brother-in-law, my friend’s nephew, and for Raymond.  For me, in my own world, I wish to follow the strength of my family.  Heroes come in many fashions, in  many statures, but  the way someone lives life, speaks volumes to the balance of the universe.  Anna, my sister, are two of my heroes.  And Raymond.  We question why for tragic events.  It is what we do after, that defines us, our futures.  It is the universe’s way to keep us honest.  And what we do in this world, is the best way to reply to the messages of the universe, after the ides of April…

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Daily Photo- Proud Canuck

Patriotic me…Olympic mitts, scarf and fleece pillow…

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Why I Wont Be a Parent

Standing in a long line up at the only Tim Horton’s open for blocks from work on Good Friday, with members of peewee hockey and family swarming the joint (it is one of the designer Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cafes)….. I turned to my co-worker on the way out, and grumbled my intolerance.

Me: It’s some tournament or something… I cannot imagine having the money to have a kid in sports.  It must be bloody expensive!

C0-worker: You are right, it is not cheap.

Me: This is why I don’t have kids, man!  Firstly, I would have to work round clock to afford to feed it, and clothe it!  Let alone letting it participate in a team… I would be like “Jr., if you want to play sports, get a job and pay for it yourself!”

Co-worker: (laughing)

Me: No, I’m not kidding!  If my seven-year old asked to play, then he could work for it.  Kathy Lee Gifford had kids making her clothes.  Rose made Gypsy Lee Rose earn her keep….

Co-worker: (laughing, yet appalled)  I don’t think it works that way.  That’s not really legal here.. and as for Rose, I still pretty much think that isn’t legal any more either…

Me: Short of raising it in the Fourth World, I guess you’re right.  Child stars at least don’t have the time to join sports, what with the hours acting on set.. No guarantees it could be cute enough or smart enough to perform.  Even if it is mine.  Ok, well, it would need to earn it’s keep then.  ‘Hey you, clean the house and don’t forget the gutters!  And tomorrow, you’d better be re-tiling the roof if you want to go to the finals with the team!’

Co-worker: (still laughing) You wouldn’t?

Me: Hey, gotta work for it… Ask Donald Trump.  It could help with the groceries too… ‘ok you, take the bags to the car…. no, no cart for you mr. all-star, you are carrying all those bags, and hurry up’…

Co-worker: (shaking his head)  U really shouldn’t have kids.  Hey, You never mentioned lemonade stands, dog walking…

Me: They would never make enough cash that way!  It would drop and spill the drink, or lose all the dogs, and then I would have to pay more out to fix it’s mistakes…. Ah, I  see your point. Well, this is one reason why I won’t be a parent. (sigh)

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Equality For All?

Under the notion that all are created equal, it then would seem to me, (and I am rather slanted in this), that we all have the same potential to do good and bad.  That individual growth will shape us, and the world around us.  Some may have less to work with, while others have D&G, four-leaf clovers and Iphones shooting out of their blow holes.

If this ideal is to be used by any group or organization, then really, wouldn’t they see the vast sea of variations?  Or is that too much to ask for?  That the mission statement of a communal philosophy should recognize that we are all full of potential? 

I do not remember ever hearing ‘all whom we deem equal, we shall honour them’….  Well, maybe the likes of Hitler…

We all bleed the same.  We all feel emotion.  We all do the best with what we have.  Some manage better than others.  Some cannot look to the light. 

Have we really evolved to the point of equality, or are we on the brink of sliding back down that slick, hateful hill into the abyss?  How equal are we really?

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Wedded Bliss? A Rant on Marriage

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage. In some conservative cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2]The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.  (as from wikipedia)

Recently, I learned of a gay couple who seem to be engaged, as per a social media status update.  I am very much a supporter of marriage, gay or otherwise, in relation to love, and the commitment of two individuals.  I am a romantic, believe in love, and the soul mate ideal.  The above two paragraphs are from wikipedia. In the second, it gives reasons for many to decide to be married.  I do not presume to know the workings of someone else’s relationship….however…

It has taken way too long for humanity to deal with each other, to have a fair and equal world.  I know, not there yet but a work in progress.  Rights granted, blah blah…

My issue is that this:  If we fight for rights and equality, then shouldn’t we have some level of respect for the things we have?  Freedom of will and liberty is great.  But if gays can marry, should not we attempt to honourable? 

Straight couples have enjoyed the highs and lows of marriage from the beginning.  And while there are those that disrespect the institution and what it stands for, and there are those, as well, who value its ideals and beliefs.  With so many hetros on their own narrow view point, it makes gay marriage difficult if it is not done for the purest of reasons: love.  Man/woman marriages have been for love, money, and a myriad of reasons.  Let us face this: gay rights may picking up speed in our world, but stereotypes remain.  Gays are seen as dirty, promiscuous, and an afront to the meaning of marriage.  So, if a couple of gays who are looking to get hitched for concerns of finance, or status, rather than love and being only 2 joined in intimacy, then, how in the name of all that is Elton John, can we get away from being the demon if we put it all out there?  that we say, meh, marriage ok even if it’s not for love.  Really? 

Why would a couple of sleep-around-seths want to get married?  Sure, makes senes for the straights.  Look  step-ford family, raise kids, but really, you are schlanking the rest of the suburban street, at  the ‘swappers’ party.  You would need marriage to be the beard, if you all are bed hopping.  Well, gays do that regardless.  Unless we got kids, there is no real need to get into matrimony other than love.  Ok you may say, not so.  Seriously?  ok then, let’s see.  Money/finances?  How about investments?  RRSPs?  Will marriage make this couple I know of better?  Hardly.  If they give up trying to win the skank equivalent of the Best Picture Oscar, then meh, ok.  They marry for love.  Forsake all others.  I ll buy them a blender.

However, if we think that just because we now can marry, should we?  The straights have the corner on seedy, secret, scandalous sexual affairs of married couples.  Really, for us gays, we accept this, rather embrace this, and damn many of us are good at being tramps.  So, maybe thanks to that fabulous other red head Julia Roberts and that fine (well, not so recently) Richard Gere, the gays got the marriage bug.  That even though they are amateur porn stars, they too can live the dream. 

If gays make the committment to tie the knot, then why can’t they do it for the spirit and the letter of marriage?  And make it about romance and not how many times you can play hide wet  twirl the cabaret stick…. And if you detected some resentment, you would be right.  I have resigned myself to the knowledge that unless Mr. Str8 is left a vegetable and unable to stop me from forcing him to marry me… I will never be a bride.  And I am pretty ok with it.  I dream of being married.  I just really think those gays who count more sex partners than jelly beans while in a relationship should really just stay the course.  And leave marriage to the gays who are a better example of human equality, who truly are the marrying kind.  Those of us who believe in love, romance and being the only two,  in a party of two.   By the powers of blogging,  I now pronounce you rant and rant, and may you may rant on….

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If I Could Just Say That Out Loud

Dealing with customers via telephone service is a highly stressful job.  It requires a level of decorum, finess and even higher levels of alcohol and or drugs.  While usually frustrating, it is also amusing.  There are many things that we have to say in response to callers, and an equal amount of things that we wish we could say.  Here are some examples:

Mr./Mrs. Interuption

(the callers who never give anyone else a chance to speak, who enjoy  cutting  off the rep at every sylabol)

reallife reply: Thank you again, I apreciate you clarifying your email address for me again.

silent reply: Seriously?  (after long dead air, caller says hello) Are you going shut your mouth at all, or do you want to do this yourself, you ignorant sod?

Mr./Mrs. Not-Bright

(you ask for the phone # you can call them back at if disconnected, and they reply with “this one”)

real reply: I appreciate that, however, I do not have a # here for you, could you please give your phone # to me, please and thank you?

silent reply: are you dammaged?  What am I?  Psychic?  If I didn’t need your effing #, then why would I waste my breath asking for it?

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In Defense to ‘A Man Rant’

So, as I was making fun of Mr. Str8 for his affair with his video games, I feel like I must now share with everyone this point.

To be fair, let me say this: I do think video games are a good and positive outlet for his attentions.  There are far worse ways to have attention placed on something else.  He enjoys it and it has given us moments of quality time, playing together, or him explaining to me his strategies.  Interests can often bring couples together, if they are open to sharing.

My ‘video game’ happens to be photography.  And I can compare this because it is yet to be fruitful, or outside of my own enjoyment, I like it.  I could shoot thousands of pictures.  And while Str8 gets lost in his games, I get lost in having a camera in front of my face.

So, with my old Olympus pocket camera, I subjected Str8 to endless picture taking.  Every venture out of the house, in the car, on walks, on vacation, at the bar, I had it with me.  In the first couple of months when we were dating, he indulged me by posing for me.  Maybe I wore that off quickly.  He got tired and annoyed.  “That camera could end up in pieces if you keep it in my face.”  That was his first admission of annoyance.

On our first vacation together, to PEI, I was attached to it, and could barely put it down.  He gave me warning looks on the drive to the island.  We had stayed in Pictou Nova Scotia the first night, and minutes after being in our room at the Inn, I was snapping pix of the room, angle after angle, and like a fashion photographer, I was focusing in on him.  I remember him standing there, and with a menacing face, said “Did you want to live through the night?”

On our walkabout, in town, I would lag behind, and Str8 would keep walking.  I had to run to catch up.  After exploring the town, once we were back to our room, Str8 said “Oh, and by the way your camera may not survive the night.”

At a random point while in Charlottetown, on our walkabout, Str8 stopped walking.  “Do you think any of your pictures will be any good?”

Once in the park, while feeding squirrels, Str8 moved on, and like a child, I was alone.  I found him, and he shook his head. “At this rate you will be kidnapped, molested and murdered.  You’ll like one of those options maybe…”

The first night Str8 got in after I got my new camera, I had it in his face for the first 3 minutes.  “If you want to keep that new camera, you’ll get it out of my face.”

he digs my digit photo art and gets upset if I don’t hear him.  Role reversal.  So, I don’t get his video games, and Str8 doesn’t get my creative addiction with the camera.

And if this seems like a weak comparison, well I admit, it is.  My camera compulsion is close to but not like Str8’s video fixation.  So, really, the ‘men’ of the relationship will have their obsessions, even if the ‘females’ have their.  The men will always be men.  But for those of us as the women, we will secretly know, we are the better halves of the whole…

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A Man Rant

So, Honey Badger (she selected the name, I liked it) and I got to comparing some notes on our men.  Honey reminisced on her ex, and I, on you guessed it, Mr. Str8, about the annoying behaviour of some  men’s video game addiction…

Honey: Tell everyone about our rant (laughing)

Me: So Str8 has picked up another  Playstation video game. He came down for weekend.  I worked on the Sunday, so we confirmed, on the way into town in the morning, that I was off at 6:30.  He said he would leave at 6:20.  I texted him after 6pm.  After I was walking to meet him, I get a text “u off at 6:30 or 7:30?”  He got caught up playing this game, and was over 30 minutes late…..so not impressed.  Then, the very next night we agreed to meet at the market.  I texted him ten minutes away from the store.  He showed up late, 20 minutes later.  Oh, and why you may ask?  Yup, frickin video game!  Was I a happy princess?  Not so much.  He being a j-a, laughed it off. Men!

Marla: (laughs)

Honey: Ya, A-H would play his video games all night, for hours, and stay up late, even though he had to be up at 6am, he would play past 1am!  stupid.

Me: Right?  And ok, if that’s not bad enough, I leave Str8 for the day, and know he is on that blasted thing all day, and when I get home, there are dishes, and  bags and wrappers all over my counter like some junk food atom bomb went off!  It’s not like there is a garbage can under the sink, oh no, that one just leaves a mess like a teenage junkie!

Honey: (laughing) I know, they lose all sense, wasting their time.

Me: Trust me, just like Carlie said, we could strip off and do a lap dance and get pushed away like we don’t exist.  Zombies the lot of em.

Honey: Why are men like that?

Marla: Men are like overgrown kids.

Me: More or less. I don’t get it.  If I don’t respond to Str8 when he wants me to, I get flack! Now, ladies, you have to understand men are designed by biology to be the hunter.  So they hunt, watch sports, play video games or build things to keep them active, no longer the caveman that actually brought back the bacon.  Housework, cooking and cleaning, that is not a man’s job.  Do they not realize, but not paying attention and doing what we want, that they make it worse for them?

Honey: That pisses me off, because when I used to try to get him to bed, he would bitch and complain, and sulk.  (laughing)  Hey, wait, but you are still a man.. so…

Me: Gurl, I i-dent-ify…it’s not my fault God gave me the pole and not the valley.  It is a wonderful curse… I get to…

Honey: And that is where you should end this rant before it get’s triple x… Say ‘see you later’

Me:….oh… (pout) men.. I will leave it at that… see you all later..

 

We all have things that annoy us, and we can annoy our partners.  But for love, we may complain, but at the end of the day, we secretly look back and laugh.  It’s the little things that make a relationship.  No one is perfect.

 

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Thanks for the Open Box of Chocolates, Forrest, You Gump!

If life is like a box of chocolate, it would have a variety of flavours and textures to choose from, right?  So, then, how it is that sometimes you open this mythical box of delights, and all you get are the same damn selections?  Thanks for the Open Box of Chocolates, Forrest, You Gump!

So it seems for many of us, with the hope that variety will enrich us.  Jobs.  Purchases.  Relationships.  The boxes I have seen have had pretty limited offerings.  And with job hunting on my list, I am not impressed.

 And if you think of the world and all of it’s locations, one would think, ‘hey, this is decent.’  Who has been to a club lately?  Those bonbons, then,  seem way too narrow in fillings.  And they all contain nuts.  Hard, indigestible nuts.  Hard core insane nuts.  The kind of nuts only a starved squirrel would try to keep.  My single friends, (the straight ones), say that it is slim pickins, like someone called ‘buffet’ at 9pm, and any tasty dish was gobbled up.  The dried up, nasties seem to be left in the box.  And, as one female friend added, ‘have bite marks even’.  Eewww…

Jobs seem to also fall under the same tab.  Sad little pieces, virtually no real choices.  And for many of us, a hunt for employment is being done all at once.  Like a sale on meat.  Some how, the not-so-starving shoppers get the prime cuts, while the general public get: ‘cashier for plastic pet poop products’, or ‘wanted sales manager for industrial audio cassettes company’….wtf??? I thought that at least, there would be one really delicious morsel to sink my sweet tooth into.  Oh, I thought I had done just that.  An entry level position in the exciting world of travel.  (insert ‘ooohhh’ and ‘aaahhhh’ here).  Sure.  Then the box of chocolate turned into some bad tasting dollar store crap.  By a company of gnomes, that shall remain nameless…. dashing my hopes of a good career move.  And now, in a financially have-not city, I am one of many, left to get the equivalent of an expired sweet.  I am gay, people, an ARTISTE.. whom has been a d list celebrity for more years than even Kathy Griffin!!! I hate starving, have I mentioned this?  No creamy centre for me to enjoy here, just the stale hard taffy core that will chip a tooth.

It feels like a candid camera version of the ‘support local’ ideal.  Locally, selection, well, sucks.  And some funny looking host will pop out and stick a camera in my face.  I want Laura Secord options here people, not dollar store stock of choices.  Really? 

So, while I have my own box of chocolates in the relationship  aisle, I am still combing through the meager remains of a post discount sale in the box of job treats.  And take it from me, not all boxes of chocolates are created equal. 

Hoping your selections are delectable and sweet…… Thanks for the Open Box of Chocolates, Forrest, You Gump!

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DEAR EX,

In case you do not remember me, I am the one you lied to, made a fool of.. oh, and the one who set fire to your new Ford Fusion, with your clothes, computer and your priceless mint condition Spiderman 1969 comic book… and maybe even that Mariah Carey CD….

So I hear you are finding a ride to and from work regularly, what with your car being all blown up and all.  Hear tell it is not just his  car you are riding, but his bootay…ok, his fat ass as well. I have seen pictures on Facebook.  Looks like the pool you are swimming in now is rather limited in anything other than hideous whales, but whatever…. I guess it was going to happen since you happen to be pond scum, and were about to be eaten alive in the real sea of life of real people.  The saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea may be true, but well, it seems fitting you thinking you are all big tuna in a small pool.  At lest there, you may need to visit a clinic more often.  Or not, which would make me happy.

Just thought I should warn you, that one of your wick wells is playing hide the wick with your roommate too.  And, by wick well, I mean your main ho, your public pubic puss polepumper, your community transit ride.  Maybe that is why you took up with it, after all, we both know how much you love to share.

I found a few items of yours, about my house, and thought I should send them to you.  Then I laughed, and threw them out.  Since possession is tenth of the law…. oh and no worries about the money you owe me.  I sold anything I could.  The pawn broker in town was really fair with your jewelry I ‘found’ so, I think we are good.  Thank you  for the vacation to London.  I will not think of you or your skank while I am at the four star hotel.

Just wanted to say, you suck and by the way, hope you enjoy the picture of me I enclosed, now that I am slimmer and sexier.  So says the med student I now am dating.  And yes, that hot sexy 2osomething in the photo is him. 

Sincerely happy now,

Me..

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