Tag Archives: acceptance

Status Quotes 1: Surviving Heartbreak

even when i am not whole, even when i may not being fully alive, even if I’m less than perfect, i know there are those who wont forsake me, and who will take me in their lives… may i give back

how much, how long, without.. when will it be time…to say what needs to be said, to make a choice to stop being frozen in time

dear god… please give me strength.. or numbness, cos the pain of loss and confusion is more than I can bare

pretty sure i am lucky.. supportive friends and family…. i know i still am loved..unlike the love that was to be forever

bit of news to make me sleepy.. can only hope sleep wont keep avoiding me, like the man who vowed love, and then walked away

I wish I knew, I wish I could, I wish I will… But all I wish, will never be, since the love of my life walked away in silence, and left my heart broken and deaf

smiling is the emotional equivalent of applying make up to a bruise.. everyone knows no matter how hard you try to conceal it…

love may burn like hot water, but unlike water you can’t turn it off like a tap

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Equality For All?

Under the notion that all are created equal, it then would seem to me, (and I am rather slanted in this), that we all have the same potential to do good and bad.  That individual growth will shape us, and the world around us.  Some may have less to work with, while others have D&G, four-leaf clovers and Iphones shooting out of their blow holes.

If this ideal is to be used by any group or organization, then really, wouldn’t they see the vast sea of variations?  Or is that too much to ask for?  That the mission statement of a communal philosophy should recognize that we are all full of potential? 

I do not remember ever hearing ‘all whom we deem equal, we shall honour them’….  Well, maybe the likes of Hitler…

We all bleed the same.  We all feel emotion.  We all do the best with what we have.  Some manage better than others.  Some cannot look to the light. 

Have we really evolved to the point of equality, or are we on the brink of sliding back down that slick, hateful hill into the abyss?  How equal are we really?

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Wedded Bliss? A Rant on Marriage

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage. In some conservative cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2]The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.  (as from wikipedia)

Recently, I learned of a gay couple who seem to be engaged, as per a social media status update.  I am very much a supporter of marriage, gay or otherwise, in relation to love, and the commitment of two individuals.  I am a romantic, believe in love, and the soul mate ideal.  The above two paragraphs are from wikipedia. In the second, it gives reasons for many to decide to be married.  I do not presume to know the workings of someone else’s relationship….however…

It has taken way too long for humanity to deal with each other, to have a fair and equal world.  I know, not there yet but a work in progress.  Rights granted, blah blah…

My issue is that this:  If we fight for rights and equality, then shouldn’t we have some level of respect for the things we have?  Freedom of will and liberty is great.  But if gays can marry, should not we attempt to honourable? 

Straight couples have enjoyed the highs and lows of marriage from the beginning.  And while there are those that disrespect the institution and what it stands for, and there are those, as well, who value its ideals and beliefs.  With so many hetros on their own narrow view point, it makes gay marriage difficult if it is not done for the purest of reasons: love.  Man/woman marriages have been for love, money, and a myriad of reasons.  Let us face this: gay rights may picking up speed in our world, but stereotypes remain.  Gays are seen as dirty, promiscuous, and an afront to the meaning of marriage.  So, if a couple of gays who are looking to get hitched for concerns of finance, or status, rather than love and being only 2 joined in intimacy, then, how in the name of all that is Elton John, can we get away from being the demon if we put it all out there?  that we say, meh, marriage ok even if it’s not for love.  Really? 

Why would a couple of sleep-around-seths want to get married?  Sure, makes senes for the straights.  Look  step-ford family, raise kids, but really, you are schlanking the rest of the suburban street, at  the ‘swappers’ party.  You would need marriage to be the beard, if you all are bed hopping.  Well, gays do that regardless.  Unless we got kids, there is no real need to get into matrimony other than love.  Ok you may say, not so.  Seriously?  ok then, let’s see.  Money/finances?  How about investments?  RRSPs?  Will marriage make this couple I know of better?  Hardly.  If they give up trying to win the skank equivalent of the Best Picture Oscar, then meh, ok.  They marry for love.  Forsake all others.  I ll buy them a blender.

However, if we think that just because we now can marry, should we?  The straights have the corner on seedy, secret, scandalous sexual affairs of married couples.  Really, for us gays, we accept this, rather embrace this, and damn many of us are good at being tramps.  So, maybe thanks to that fabulous other red head Julia Roberts and that fine (well, not so recently) Richard Gere, the gays got the marriage bug.  That even though they are amateur porn stars, they too can live the dream. 

If gays make the committment to tie the knot, then why can’t they do it for the spirit and the letter of marriage?  And make it about romance and not how many times you can play hide wet  twirl the cabaret stick…. And if you detected some resentment, you would be right.  I have resigned myself to the knowledge that unless Mr. Str8 is left a vegetable and unable to stop me from forcing him to marry me… I will never be a bride.  And I am pretty ok with it.  I dream of being married.  I just really think those gays who count more sex partners than jelly beans while in a relationship should really just stay the course.  And leave marriage to the gays who are a better example of human equality, who truly are the marrying kind.  Those of us who believe in love, romance and being the only two,  in a party of two.   By the powers of blogging,  I now pronounce you rant and rant, and may you may rant on….

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Love and the Seasons of Passion

All the world evolves about the sun.  The world will have it seasons and it can be cold and cruel.  It can be warm, and full of promise of blossoms and awaking.  The rose to become full and expressing it’s beauty.  The heat and renewal of life as a pattern of eternity will see the strength of new life taking it’s steps to becoming apart of the wonder of life.  And the metamorphosis of the cycle waning, and the ebb into harvest.  Each of us moved by the seasons, the core whisper that calls to us, that speaks our names.

It is the passion of life, the passion of love, the passion of growth that commands us.  That time will march on as precise as a military squadron, and passion of duty and the experience of wonder that makes a child’s eyes wide, and the old smile with images of passions long gone.

It is passion that makes our feet move to the object of affection, the heart to beat so fast that you cannot breathe.  It makes our skin clammy and sensitive to our environment.  Our eyes respond to the sight of passion, relentless in maintaining the image for eternity.

Passion makes lovers do almost anything.  The seasons of passion as in nature, will too, roll along, everything has a season, and a season for everything.

For some, the summer of passion will last for untold kisses, caresses and intertwining of two.  For some, they say this is the best season.

Some will favour the spring of passion, the newness of love, the dawn of the new day sun, the dew on petals, so fragrant.

As in all things, the season of passion will fade, and the leaves will fall, and wither.  The passion of passion will slip away, and find shelter in places untouchable.

Passion will find itself exhausted and starved.  In the winter, it will withdrawal, and feel the chill, as it is held in place.  Buried under the freezing snow, it has life still, life we cannot see.  It is the way of passion, you see, that it will wait like the buds of a flower, beneath the cold, it knows all the passion of all it’s seasons, and will need the time of loneliness to reflect.  Passion will await the heat of the sun of a new passion.  And it will survive until the promise of passion new, when it will reach out and find the season to bloom again.

Passion, love, and all things good, you see, cannot be eternally held for just one.  Sometimes the season of passion can be sustained by endless love.  Those who are lucky to have such passion, are meant for it.  The rest, will have many seasons.  Blossoms that will find life, add to the bouquet of flowers.  Most of us will have passion of summer, only if we acknowledge that winter is a season as well.  That while we feel lost, alone, and without hope, just remember, you are a bud, and if willing to wait out the winter season, if you are open, you will arise and you will have a season of summer.  A season of passion and love will be there for us all.

You will have the sun, and all that it brings, in the season of summer.  The season of passion.  You will love. And be loved.  That is what the sun brings in the season of spring.

We all move to the beat of the heart of the seasons, and will evolve around the sun, because, the world will always spin, and seasons will always change.  As we must, for passion and for love.

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Coming Out: Muse & State

Coming out in any time in the history of the world surely is full of challenges.  We have pressure packed societies that maintain order and are suppose to exact justice for all.  That’s how it should work.

How did humanity become so divided, that we exist in bubbles from each other?  Ok, we all get the basics; the history and geography classes we took in high school should have given us a point of reference.

We know that humans evolved, by whatever means at their disposal.  That they somehow figured out that staying put with the comfort of numbers, of growing and herding food, was better than aimlessly wandering the wilds.  They needed to keep people in these groups, so laws, religions and social hierarchy  became to be formed.  Each group had their own concerns, challenges.  People were people, no matter where and some things would occur…. Well, anyway, these early societies began to develop and grow.

Sex has always been a difficult issue, one we refuse to talk about but not ashamed to practice.

We would have our independent say about our bodies and who and what we did.  We were in control of ourselves.  This didn’t often sit well with leaders, political and religious alike.  They believed they had the power over their people, that each one had a responsibility to serve these leaders.  This seems to have substantially altered human evolution.  That for the most part, sex was about reproduction, nothing more.

Fast forward, to the civilizations that forever shaped who and what we are:  Britain, Rome, Greece, and all of those other greats of Asia.  The most influence and dominance have come from these forces.

Each one set upon a path of it’s own.  Religions took the reins of guidance and power.  Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, among others, have and still weld the might of nations and spiritualism. Here is where the waters of human existence get muddied.

The modern world has suffered untold maladies, witnessed horrors and atrocities unmentionable.  All of which is far from over.  We are in the midst of the middle bouts of battles on the war of human freedoms, acceptance, rights and openness.

How many of us from our own part of the world have looked out beyond the cages of our lives, and wondered if there were others like us?  Maybe not everyone; maybe not yet.  But at some point in being alive, we question ourselves, our world, and our role in it.  Some question early, and seek answers.  Most push it aside, to try to ignore it.  Still, many more process the world and then it affects them later on; only now to add their own imposed feelings and responses from the society they now see in a different light.

Sex.  We try to classify, to compartmentalize and categorize sex and how we define ourselves in regards to sex.  It took scores of civilizations, of maturity and hardships to finally allow humans to be considered: straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered; even plain old queer.

To come out, is to put yourself out there, no just as another human being, but now labeled as something else.  Straight folk have the advantage, as it is the core of sexuality.  It is accepted that all of us are heterosexual, until we provide evidence to the contrary.  How we talk, walk, laugh, run, drive, eat, dance, sing and shop- the list is endless. On these cold hard facts, we are judged as to our sexual orientation.  We even have named the detection system used to weed out those not straight.  Gay-dar.  Intuition that often fails us, this is the secret weapon.  Personality and intimate feelings of self, and subsequent expression of these aside, we are forever distracted by figuring each other out.  Instead of coming out ourselves.

The idea of disclosure is a pure one.  Humans are needy as well as independent.  Some are ok with being ordinary.  Of deception and protective of their privacy.  Some embrace the world of their gender specific roles, and act accordingly.  They can enjoy and be happy in their decision, or suffer dire consequences.  Many will at some point stand up to the society in which they live, and place themselves in the line of view and scrutiny of the whole world, good and bad.  We all come out, show the world who we are.  True colours.

Family is a resource, as well a source of anguish.  The younger and more certain the person, the more pressure on them, to paint a label on themselves.  As to the position they will take so that others can pick their own spot.  The ones who support, the ones who denounce and the ones who torture.

Outside of family, I never once regretted being openly gay.  I found great open, loving and kind people, the most surprising, and the most refreshingly positive, were the men I knew.  At work, in the real world, in the ‘mature’ world, I found wonderful experiences.  But to strangers, on public transit, on public spaces, the bullies appeared.  Not since school (college, to be sadly accurate) did some of the worst offenses to the weaker and lost souls really mark those souls. I was picked on endlessly.  Mostly about being gay.  I feel guilty, that I was not good at hiding the truth (because I believe I always knew in my heart), and they were punishing me for fibbing.  If only it was that simple.  I wonder.  If I stood up and screamed loud that I was, would it have been different?  One way or the other.  But I took the easy way out of that situation, and suffered a lifetime of trying to have self-confidence and self worth.

The most important family learned the truth, when secrecy from my parents became less important.  Both parents would never know the truth before the grave.  I dream of the perfect family in which I could have been me, myself & I.  But coming out to all of my family was the easiest thing.  Suffering the worst pain of not being able to be myself to my parents, and the best feeling of being true to myself with my sisters and her  family and of being loved.  Everyone else is secondary.  I love my family, but being wanted is great, but not mandatory.

Coming out is very personal, a decision that affects, effects and challenges the best of us.  As humans, no matter where you live, in what society, in any time, we must be true to ourselves.

Sex is personal, but there has to be a common line each of us can start from, to share the goodness, and even the bad of life, to be kind to all.

If we all have a point of reference that we as individuals can grow from, then we will be better humans, for the future, for the species, and be honest and brave, to come out and feel the sun.  To be stronger as people,  as a family.  To come out, whatever that means to you.  To not hide the light, not hide the reason for you being who you are.  To set up a safe place in families, friends, schools, and communities, for anyone to come out, and be accepted.

The world has changed, in many regards.  Humans still working to find our way.  Coming out is a major, often life altering event for many, those who sum up the courage will tell you.  It is a rite of passage for those not straight.  I say, why not all human beings do the same?  Why not every one of us, stand up and come out, declare yourself to the world?  Could the world be a better place, if we just make things a little bit more equal, and not just pay lip service to the ideal? 

Coming out is a major turning point for anyone willing to expose themselves.  We try to be seen, want to be accepted for who we are, no matter the colour, creed, or feelings we have.  So many will not have the chance to be free to do so.  Is it not the village that should raise the children?  Are we not civilized enough yet to give our futures the chance to flourish? 

 

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My New Year’s Wish/ Happy New Year!

And here we are, one day left to 2011, and a brand new year about to start.

Hoping you all had a great Christmas, or what have you (holiday), we have the next major one about to hit.

And it is the time of reflection, coupled with the determination to move on, up and forward all at the same time.  Life takes a toll on even the best of us.  No matter how positive, sweet, or wonderful moments have been in the year, it feels like we stand before a marker, and like a runner, we gauge our progress in life.  Sometimes we amaze ourselves at the distance we covered.  Sometimes, we see the starting line right behind us, and feel unaccomplished. 

 

In daily routines, we oft find ourselves near empty and on autopilot just to get through some rougher spots.  We get lax on proper eating, or maybe sleep, even our relationships may suffer along the way.  We find hours that drag, days that seem endless, months painfully long. 

 

In many moments in a year, we have joy, happiness and fond memories.  Of friends, family and lovers.  We grew as people in everything we do.  And those that see the lessons, are the ones who move forward in the game of the universe.  It is in the dwindling hours of such passages of time that we begin to take stock on the travel we have done.  It is but in these moments we see most clarity and the raw emotions that it brings.  The closing of a year is nostalgic for even those things we generally tend to forget or brush aside.

 

2011 was a full year.  For the billions of our brothers and sisters, there were heart aches, tragedies, trauma, and suffering.  Violent weather placed upon the lands saw the might of nature in throes of it’s own struggles.  Protests, wars, conflicts, battles. 

We have had courage, love, honour and miracle stories.  We have laughed, cried, and sampled all emotions.  Some lives ended and many new lives were started.

When we look back on our own personal year, let us not focus on the negative, but rather, take the goals and battles lost as fuel to make 2012 positive.  Lessons are learned in all things we do, say and feel.  The interactions we have with each other.  Look to your heart, to your soul, and find the fire that will guide you into the next chapter of your life.  Dream dreams that bring you peace and share all the good that you have.  May you know the touch of a hand of a loved one on your face.  The look of love in the eyes of a life partner.  Of encouraging words to a youngster.  The wisdom of the elderly.  Look to finding the special thing that only you have to share.  And join in the celebrations of all humanity.

May you embrace the beginning of a new year with smiles and fun.  Be safe and smart, and dance like you never danced before.  Celebrate the times that you will write upon the blank pages that lay before you in the story of your life.  And hold onto the pages written even in the worst moments, as they will reveal secrets about the person you were, and the person you are meant to be.

My wish for all of us is a simple, grand one.  Cast aside the prejudices and stand up for justice and peace.  May we all have the chance to dance as we like, to sing as off-key and loud as we can.  May you be proud of the amazing creature you are, and of those loved ones around you, even of the accomplishments of those you do not know.  Take time to live life out loud, and be a voice that others can follow, and follow those that shine a light, not those that would inflict darkness and cruelty. 

No matter who you are, where you live, what colour of your eyes, hair or skin. No matter the religion and faith, you must believe.  No matter what box you check for your age.  No matter your gender, or sexuality, be the best you can be.  Foster love in the world, not hate, and find the strength to overcome those that would threaten to darken the light of life.

As a year draws to an end, and a new one about to begin, take a moment to pass goodness on to those around you.  We all suffer, but through the pain, we can be strong and rise above this mortal coil to achieve something great.  And let 2012 be the year we set the goal.  Learn to say NO when you need to and YES when you can.

My wish for you all is to have a fabulous, safe New Years, full of love and peace.  Party on.  Be proud.  And in the words of the grand diva herself, RuPaul, “don’t f*@# it up!”

New Year’s Eve, 2011, a day before the start of the brand new 2012. 

Happy New Year, one and all.  And thank you for taking time to share of your time with me.  Much love and appreciation.

Bryon, therealbryon

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See the Colours We Are: A Rant

OK.  Bit of a rant.  Had experienced a couple of things in the past month or so.  1) I had accompanied my friend Tayon and her mother to blown up incident involving one of her sons, before meeting Carlie for a night out. 2) Overheard some racial slurs at random in public.  And I realized something.  Somethings have not changed in the world.  So, I reflected on myself and how I see the world.  That I admit I am  unusual, and a bit of a farce, at times.  But at least I can face myself.   And laugh at myself.  Be who we are, (Native Canadian, black, white, Asian, Middle Eastern, or gay), I get right pissed at racial profiling and ignorance.  So, just wanted to put out there a viewpoint from my head.

The best part of being raised out of Nova Scotia, and in the hood of Jane and Finch in North York (Toronto), was that coming home, here, I see things as (what we call) a ‘fromawayer’.  Toronto, with its ethnic neighbourhoods, meant, that I could see, experience, things from the perspective of the people who made it a bridge from where they came, to the melting pot of Canada.

While I did have friends who were like me, (white, and ‘Canadian’), I grew surrounded by the joys of Chinatown, Little Italy, little India, the Hungarian hood, and the Caribbean.

I knew early on I was different.  And trying to find myself, I tried on being a Prep, a Mod, a Rocker.  I spent much time with my friends who had exotic, colourful cultures, that made me realize, I am Canadian, and that we all come ‘from away’.

I would make pillows, and pillowcases, and apply fabric in frames, made of sari.  I loved saltfish and ackee, jerk chicken, curry everything, and real Chinese and Japanese foods.  Every week in junior and high schools, we would make our way to the Jamaican store to get Jamaican patties on a bun.  And drink ginger root beer.

I was different, and the Kraft dinner, hambugers, hot dogs, and fish cakes were good.  But gimme spicy, hot, delicious food!!

I was awkward and overweight, compensating for the instinctive programming of being gay.  I denied it as long as I could, and embraced things that were not from the world I was raised.

It sickens me that after all the struggles, plights, challenges, and plagues, humans have suffered at the hands of each other in time, that we still have not learned lessons.

People see me. White. And flamboyant. Hell, I am queer and proud of it.  I see people too.  It is not just that as caste of humans, that the gays have adopted the rainbow to represent the vast community we are.  But as hope for all of us to see colour.

I get mad at whites who say shit like, ‘I don’t see skin colour’, or, ‘I have friends who are (pick a colour)’

I see colour.  I see pink, white, brown, black, and all the fabulous shades of humanity.  It is our differences that make up this world.  Without colour, it is not just black and white.  It would dull.

I know pain.  Fear. Humiliation. Loathing. Hatred. Suffering.

I know love. Joy. Happiness. Peace.

I haven’t lived a life of others.  I can empathize.  I can try to understand. I can weep at the darkness humans inflict upon each other.

I can admire, and hope, and laugh and open my heart.  I can open my mind.

I still have faith for us.  I believe. I wish.  I make a stand.

I will eat my curry chicken, or ox tale, or lasagna.  Listen to reggae, bollywood, or musicals.  I will be walking the street like a runway model a la RuPaul, and gurl, don’t get me all up in ur tired ass grill…cos those heels r da bomb!!!

I will ogle, and objectify men (damn, boi, that junk don’t stop!) And do it from an ironic heart.

I will be fierce.  I will be me.  I am the life I have led.  I will balance my good with my bad.  I will hang my dream catchers, wear my moccasin boots, make shit out of sari and I will see you.

Whatever colour.  Creed. Nationality. Good actions or bad.  I expect you to see me too.

 

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Can’t We All Just Love?

In a recent conversation with friends, I decided to try to have a serious discussion regarding the state of the world today.  As you can imagine, it was a free for all of all the levels of good and bad with human society in the 21st century. We covered a variety of valid issues and concerns. 

I pondered the finer line in regards to human relationships.  Lucky me to have a great bunch of people in my life that are progressive, fare and intelligent.  Of this I am most grateful.

While the more intimate questions of romantic struggles happen to be my quest to share, and hopefully enlighten myself and others, I was pleased to hear so much positivity.

We have as a society, blamed various groups for the ills of the world, and have exercised false dominance over others.  We all agreed on this, but majority rules applied to the good things.

Human equality is without saying, a paramount.  We have taken over the years to embrace certain aspects of others (cultures, lifestyles, imagination, laws, fashions, syntax) and have tried to bury things not like us that we are afraid of.  It has had major historical effects on us all.

Right through the classes, the cultures, the world each and every person lives in, to the heart of the current state of affairs.  We agreed that closed mindedness has had shadows cast upon us all.  Slavery, conquests, and in differences, have segregated us and made many feel alone and unwanted.  We push away anything that we fear will cast a bad light on ourselves.  And we seem to have concenious on this.

It is the relationship with ourselves that is most important.  For if we can look at our reflections, love ourselves, and have patience and hope for something good, then we can face the world and all that it is.  We can allow faith and belief in, and share that with others.  Be it any form of religion, or faith.  That we open our hearts to a higher power and thus to all life, and in turn we become full of basics of life-joy, hope, happiness and love.  That subtle differences in us all, really are pieces of the larger puzzle. 

That intimate relationships, outside of rules of homes and laws of land, are shaped by the world we grow up in as children.  That many who survive abuses, have a harder path to find goodness.  That by loving another human being, without harming, hurting or infringing upon others, we have the 3rd most powerful aspect of being sentient beings.  It is a basic need we all strive for.  And history is full of examples of good and bad.  It seems the more you attempt to interfere with the basic needs of others, it boils up from being ignored, or vanquished. 

We all have hardships, suffering, loss, pain and anguish.  We all have love, peace, joy, acceptance,  and belonging.  My friends and I, with all our differences and unique qualities, are all from various walks of life.  We make efforts to be the best humans we can.  We make mistakes, and freely admit them.  In all of our own souls, we all want to be loved.  A search never-ending for some, while for others, the search is over. 

We all accept each other and ourselves, and support one another as humans.  Humans that will continue to make our way in this world, and allow others to live their lives, to find love, as we ourselves seek love.  We ask for nothing but being connected to that special someone, to make our way in this life more fulfilling and easier to share with.  Be it a romantic partner,  or friend. 

Humans are complex creatures.  We have struggled to ask and answer universal questions to complete our existences.  And regardless of where we come from, who we are, through out time, we all deserve to be happy and share this with others.

It also makes me wonder.  I have an amazing group of friends that I know I can share even the  most intimate of things with.  That we can dissect history and speculate on the future.  And we share the same views.  However, of all the open-minded, really good people out there…is it the natural balance of the universe, that all good is equaled with bad?  That my love and personal existence, while I strive for being better, is the object of hate, fear and loathing by others who think it wrong.  If we take the chance to really try, can we not as humans, be more compassionate to others, who are also just trying to find love? Does humanity suffer from repeating itself, (in history), and if so, can we avoid hating each other, and replace it with kindness and love?

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