Tag Archives: gay relationships

Took A Chance (a Love Lost)

We found each other and took a chance. We were alike, we were different.  I can remember the excitement, the anticipation to talk on video, the nerves making us giddy.  I can remember your eyes sparkling, and that grin that told me you liked me.  We started to share, flirting and opening up our hearts.

We found each other and took a chance. You traveled distance to meet me, and we meet face to face.  It was like I knew you, you were sent for me, and I for you.  The first touch, that first kiss, that first moment we stared into each other’s eyes. It was like two parts of a soul was reunited and made whole.

We found each other and took a chance. You traveled back and forth, we were separated by kilometres, but never in love, never in spirit. We had to take the times apart, to have the times together. You made the sacrifice and I made you know by all I could do that this was to be, that I wanted you, as you wanted me.

We found each other and took a chance. It was real, you and I, a relationship.  There was so much, we fell in love, we were in love.  There were moments that shadowed the light, moments of darkness blocking out this love we shared. Life is far from perfect, and somehow we came out, the light of love never went out.

We found each other and took a chance. Time was a river flowing on and on, and we the water running to explore the world ahead of us. And then there were rocks, and a vow broken. indiscretion ripped my heart, and for the love I knew we had, like water, we survived the storm, the waves that threatened love.  And we were strong, we were more in love.

We found each other and took a chance. We both had moments were we were less than perfect, taking turns to be negative, to upset the love we shared.  Human natures and personal natures were overcome, and we were still in love.

We found each other and took a chance. We became each other’s world, everything was the other. Every sight, sound, touch, taste. Every place and space. And then without warning, in a moment, in a nightmare, it was over, and you were willing to walk away.

We found each other and took a chance.  The chance was a game, and it ended, and like bomb of emotional shrapnel, we exploded, and here we are, apart, a soul ripped into two, bleeding and dying and alone without rescue. Me here alone, you there alone. And a crater now in place of the love filled hearts.  And now I shed tears, I drown in the pain and know, we found each other and took a chance, and we are lost and the last chance was passed. I will always love you.



Leave a comment

Filed under gay, Relationships

Wedded Bliss? A Rant on Marriage

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage. In some conservative cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2]The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.  (as from wikipedia)

Recently, I learned of a gay couple who seem to be engaged, as per a social media status update.  I am very much a supporter of marriage, gay or otherwise, in relation to love, and the commitment of two individuals.  I am a romantic, believe in love, and the soul mate ideal.  The above two paragraphs are from wikipedia. In the second, it gives reasons for many to decide to be married.  I do not presume to know the workings of someone else’s relationship….however…

It has taken way too long for humanity to deal with each other, to have a fair and equal world.  I know, not there yet but a work in progress.  Rights granted, blah blah…

My issue is that this:  If we fight for rights and equality, then shouldn’t we have some level of respect for the things we have?  Freedom of will and liberty is great.  But if gays can marry, should not we attempt to honourable? 

Straight couples have enjoyed the highs and lows of marriage from the beginning.  And while there are those that disrespect the institution and what it stands for, and there are those, as well, who value its ideals and beliefs.  With so many hetros on their own narrow view point, it makes gay marriage difficult if it is not done for the purest of reasons: love.  Man/woman marriages have been for love, money, and a myriad of reasons.  Let us face this: gay rights may picking up speed in our world, but stereotypes remain.  Gays are seen as dirty, promiscuous, and an afront to the meaning of marriage.  So, if a couple of gays who are looking to get hitched for concerns of finance, or status, rather than love and being only 2 joined in intimacy, then, how in the name of all that is Elton John, can we get away from being the demon if we put it all out there?  that we say, meh, marriage ok even if it’s not for love.  Really? 

Why would a couple of sleep-around-seths want to get married?  Sure, makes senes for the straights.  Look  step-ford family, raise kids, but really, you are schlanking the rest of the suburban street, at  the ‘swappers’ party.  You would need marriage to be the beard, if you all are bed hopping.  Well, gays do that regardless.  Unless we got kids, there is no real need to get into matrimony other than love.  Ok you may say, not so.  Seriously?  ok then, let’s see.  Money/finances?  How about investments?  RRSPs?  Will marriage make this couple I know of better?  Hardly.  If they give up trying to win the skank equivalent of the Best Picture Oscar, then meh, ok.  They marry for love.  Forsake all others.  I ll buy them a blender.

However, if we think that just because we now can marry, should we?  The straights have the corner on seedy, secret, scandalous sexual affairs of married couples.  Really, for us gays, we accept this, rather embrace this, and damn many of us are good at being tramps.  So, maybe thanks to that fabulous other red head Julia Roberts and that fine (well, not so recently) Richard Gere, the gays got the marriage bug.  That even though they are amateur porn stars, they too can live the dream. 

If gays make the committment to tie the knot, then why can’t they do it for the spirit and the letter of marriage?  And make it about romance and not how many times you can play hide wet  twirl the cabaret stick…. And if you detected some resentment, you would be right.  I have resigned myself to the knowledge that unless Mr. Str8 is left a vegetable and unable to stop me from forcing him to marry me… I will never be a bride.  And I am pretty ok with it.  I dream of being married.  I just really think those gays who count more sex partners than jelly beans while in a relationship should really just stay the course.  And leave marriage to the gays who are a better example of human equality, who truly are the marrying kind.  Those of us who believe in love, romance and being the only two,  in a party of two.   By the powers of blogging,  I now pronounce you rant and rant, and may you may rant on….

Leave a comment

Filed under gay, Humour, Quotes, Random, Rant, Relationships, Silly Me

Love and the Seasons of Passion

All the world evolves about the sun.  The world will have it seasons and it can be cold and cruel.  It can be warm, and full of promise of blossoms and awaking.  The rose to become full and expressing it’s beauty.  The heat and renewal of life as a pattern of eternity will see the strength of new life taking it’s steps to becoming apart of the wonder of life.  And the metamorphosis of the cycle waning, and the ebb into harvest.  Each of us moved by the seasons, the core whisper that calls to us, that speaks our names.

It is the passion of life, the passion of love, the passion of growth that commands us.  That time will march on as precise as a military squadron, and passion of duty and the experience of wonder that makes a child’s eyes wide, and the old smile with images of passions long gone.

It is passion that makes our feet move to the object of affection, the heart to beat so fast that you cannot breathe.  It makes our skin clammy and sensitive to our environment.  Our eyes respond to the sight of passion, relentless in maintaining the image for eternity.

Passion makes lovers do almost anything.  The seasons of passion as in nature, will too, roll along, everything has a season, and a season for everything.

For some, the summer of passion will last for untold kisses, caresses and intertwining of two.  For some, they say this is the best season.

Some will favour the spring of passion, the newness of love, the dawn of the new day sun, the dew on petals, so fragrant.

As in all things, the season of passion will fade, and the leaves will fall, and wither.  The passion of passion will slip away, and find shelter in places untouchable.

Passion will find itself exhausted and starved.  In the winter, it will withdrawal, and feel the chill, as it is held in place.  Buried under the freezing snow, it has life still, life we cannot see.  It is the way of passion, you see, that it will wait like the buds of a flower, beneath the cold, it knows all the passion of all it’s seasons, and will need the time of loneliness to reflect.  Passion will await the heat of the sun of a new passion.  And it will survive until the promise of passion new, when it will reach out and find the season to bloom again.

Passion, love, and all things good, you see, cannot be eternally held for just one.  Sometimes the season of passion can be sustained by endless love.  Those who are lucky to have such passion, are meant for it.  The rest, will have many seasons.  Blossoms that will find life, add to the bouquet of flowers.  Most of us will have passion of summer, only if we acknowledge that winter is a season as well.  That while we feel lost, alone, and without hope, just remember, you are a bud, and if willing to wait out the winter season, if you are open, you will arise and you will have a season of summer.  A season of passion and love will be there for us all.

You will have the sun, and all that it brings, in the season of summer.  The season of passion.  You will love. And be loved.  That is what the sun brings in the season of spring.

We all move to the beat of the heart of the seasons, and will evolve around the sun, because, the world will always spin, and seasons will always change.  As we must, for passion and for love.

Leave a comment

Filed under Relationships, Silly Me

In Defense to ‘A Man Rant’

So, as I was making fun of Mr. Str8 for his affair with his video games, I feel like I must now share with everyone this point.

To be fair, let me say this: I do think video games are a good and positive outlet for his attentions.  There are far worse ways to have attention placed on something else.  He enjoys it and it has given us moments of quality time, playing together, or him explaining to me his strategies.  Interests can often bring couples together, if they are open to sharing.

My ‘video game’ happens to be photography.  And I can compare this because it is yet to be fruitful, or outside of my own enjoyment, I like it.  I could shoot thousands of pictures.  And while Str8 gets lost in his games, I get lost in having a camera in front of my face.

So, with my old Olympus pocket camera, I subjected Str8 to endless picture taking.  Every venture out of the house, in the car, on walks, on vacation, at the bar, I had it with me.  In the first couple of months when we were dating, he indulged me by posing for me.  Maybe I wore that off quickly.  He got tired and annoyed.  “That camera could end up in pieces if you keep it in my face.”  That was his first admission of annoyance.

On our first vacation together, to PEI, I was attached to it, and could barely put it down.  He gave me warning looks on the drive to the island.  We had stayed in Pictou Nova Scotia the first night, and minutes after being in our room at the Inn, I was snapping pix of the room, angle after angle, and like a fashion photographer, I was focusing in on him.  I remember him standing there, and with a menacing face, said “Did you want to live through the night?”

On our walkabout, in town, I would lag behind, and Str8 would keep walking.  I had to run to catch up.  After exploring the town, once we were back to our room, Str8 said “Oh, and by the way your camera may not survive the night.”

At a random point while in Charlottetown, on our walkabout, Str8 stopped walking.  “Do you think any of your pictures will be any good?”

Once in the park, while feeding squirrels, Str8 moved on, and like a child, I was alone.  I found him, and he shook his head. “At this rate you will be kidnapped, molested and murdered.  You’ll like one of those options maybe…”

The first night Str8 got in after I got my new camera, I had it in his face for the first 3 minutes.  “If you want to keep that new camera, you’ll get it out of my face.”

he digs my digit photo art and gets upset if I don’t hear him.  Role reversal.  So, I don’t get his video games, and Str8 doesn’t get my creative addiction with the camera.

And if this seems like a weak comparison, well I admit, it is.  My camera compulsion is close to but not like Str8’s video fixation.  So, really, the ‘men’ of the relationship will have their obsessions, even if the ‘females’ have their.  The men will always be men.  But for those of us as the women, we will secretly know, we are the better halves of the whole…

Leave a comment

Filed under gay, Humour, Random, Rant, Relationships, Silly Me

A Man Rant

So, Honey Badger (she selected the name, I liked it) and I got to comparing some notes on our men.  Honey reminisced on her ex, and I, on you guessed it, Mr. Str8, about the annoying behaviour of some  men’s video game addiction…

Honey: Tell everyone about our rant (laughing)

Me: So Str8 has picked up another  Playstation video game. He came down for weekend.  I worked on the Sunday, so we confirmed, on the way into town in the morning, that I was off at 6:30.  He said he would leave at 6:20.  I texted him after 6pm.  After I was walking to meet him, I get a text “u off at 6:30 or 7:30?”  He got caught up playing this game, and was over 30 minutes late…..so not impressed.  Then, the very next night we agreed to meet at the market.  I texted him ten minutes away from the store.  He showed up late, 20 minutes later.  Oh, and why you may ask?  Yup, frickin video game!  Was I a happy princess?  Not so much.  He being a j-a, laughed it off. Men!

Marla: (laughs)

Honey: Ya, A-H would play his video games all night, for hours, and stay up late, even though he had to be up at 6am, he would play past 1am!  stupid.

Me: Right?  And ok, if that’s not bad enough, I leave Str8 for the day, and know he is on that blasted thing all day, and when I get home, there are dishes, and  bags and wrappers all over my counter like some junk food atom bomb went off!  It’s not like there is a garbage can under the sink, oh no, that one just leaves a mess like a teenage junkie!

Honey: (laughing) I know, they lose all sense, wasting their time.

Me: Trust me, just like Carlie said, we could strip off and do a lap dance and get pushed away like we don’t exist.  Zombies the lot of em.

Honey: Why are men like that?

Marla: Men are like overgrown kids.

Me: More or less. I don’t get it.  If I don’t respond to Str8 when he wants me to, I get flack! Now, ladies, you have to understand men are designed by biology to be the hunter.  So they hunt, watch sports, play video games or build things to keep them active, no longer the caveman that actually brought back the bacon.  Housework, cooking and cleaning, that is not a man’s job.  Do they not realize, but not paying attention and doing what we want, that they make it worse for them?

Honey: That pisses me off, because when I used to try to get him to bed, he would bitch and complain, and sulk.  (laughing)  Hey, wait, but you are still a man.. so…

Me: Gurl, I i-dent-ify…it’s not my fault God gave me the pole and not the valley.  It is a wonderful curse… I get to…

Honey: And that is where you should end this rant before it get’s triple x… Say ‘see you later’

Me:….oh… (pout) men.. I will leave it at that… see you all later..


We all have things that annoy us, and we can annoy our partners.  But for love, we may complain, but at the end of the day, we secretly look back and laugh.  It’s the little things that make a relationship.  No one is perfect.


Leave a comment

Filed under gay, Humour, Random, Rant, Relationships

Families Still

Weary bones, and breath short, he sat upon the worn wood chair.  He was of all things, sharp as a blade, and surely ageless in age.  Skin leathery, patchy and bumped.  Smells not always as nice as hot chocolate or such, yet always gave senses of love and sanctuary.

As was the old and the young, both tend to temper tantrums, and both had eyes that sparkled with teasing humour, again the designed designing of a story.  Sometimes more truth than of imagination.  For the tales of true, he the teller would gather will and once begun, began to relax.  Brilliant colours of words wonderful, no longer struggled to be free, entranced and engaged.  Of the stories that were of fancy flights, the most amazing adventures could almost be seen.

Life was different, this fact set the tone, as he continued.  Not all were accepted, not all equal of creation.  As memories manifested emotions, as vivid as simply looking at Christmas tree above a sea of gifts.  From the eyes of youth.  There was no hatred in such blissful history.  The generations before that have come and gone.  The lessons of life, all children knew.

He was a person of old.  Life long and full.  Love of his, and his love, here, as if always it was, not if as it was secret.  A grand father of a grandfather, he and the lifelove, his love of life, assure you accurate and true it is, a man and a man.  Strange and this was not so in his course of living.  Normal normal was for all, all for normal and all agreed, as if in a mirage, no one was acted upon, treated bad.

A grandfather, sharing dreams and true events, raised a family with his livemate, his man of all men.  Turn, as in now he as teacher, lessons teaching, to a new, brand new generation.  Children of love.  Families, different each to compare, but families still.

And such was, is the dream, true events.  Children grow up, and know of nothing of hate.  Because the ones that are old, can upon the minds of generations new, share of how it was, real of experiences, real of truth.


Filed under gay, poetry

Wildlife of..: the Gay Bar Part 1-(A gaysexandthecity expose)

In tonight’s debut episode of Wildlife, we will look at the those elusive creatures that inhabit the often sketchy territory, known simply as the  ‘gay bar’.  This aint your parent’s Nature of Things, to be sure.

This habitat has become extremely popular among it’s wildlife.  In many parts of the world, these ‘watering holes’ have sprung up all over, growing in proportion to that of the demand for space, and variety.

While any gay can be found in these hot spots, there are many examples of the gays that frequent regularly.  And we look at the most common groups in which make the gay bar a significant part of their routine.  Scientists believe that these specific breeds of the gays, are instinctively drawn into the gay bar for gratification.  They have identified these 3 most common of the gays:

the hag fag gays party with their gurls..but looks like these two may pair off...

The Hag Fags: are mostly attractive, but sometimes not so much.  They will only venture into the gay bars with the support of members of the opposite sex (females, for those who only study the gays), those friends that will allow this breed to pretend that they are not interested in availability of potential mates.  These use their female companions as winghags.  If they have the opportunity to hook up with a hottie, they will abandon the hags without much fanfare.  They in fact, are actually performing a form a mating ritual, on the mating display ground, known as the ‘dancefloor’.  They shake, shimmy, grind, flaunt, tease, wink, and many can be seen making a rather spectacle of themselves. They feel safe with these female pack members, providing a cover for their own non-commitment and lack of desire to mate with the various other members of the gays in the gay bar. They, like most gays, have high level of ego, and can be known to flirt on the dancefloor.  Unless they set sights on a specific gay of interest, they may get lucky.  Mostly, the hag fags are out to dance.

the gawker (stalker) gay- make no mistake, it looks fine, but it is out to feed. Hi, what's your size?

The Gawkers (AKA stalkers): This breed of gays, will observe, and ‘scope’ out, or ‘cruise’, the available selections of other gays, waiting to entice a gay who returns the interest.  They will consume as much alcohol as they can, and stalk a partner for pleasure.  They will instigate conversation, flirt with and attempt to attract a companion.  They will attempt to seperate their intended victim random encounter, from it’s group.   They are usually seeking a one night stand, and like a lioness, can locate the easiest of prey. And hoping for the best abilities… These pleasure seekers are more than just responding to basic sexual urges.  They are much more demanding.  Please be cautious. This breed can be aggressive.

these are dangerous, egoist gays-admire from afar...

Narcisissies: These are among the most crafty and manipulative of the gays.  They appear to be extremely vain, well-groomed and self-absorbed.  They will spend time looking at themselves in mirrors.  Apply make-up and lip gloss, fix hair, and take pictures of themselves with their cell phones.  They often will travel in packs consisting of hag fags and their hags, other narcisissies, dancefloor divas, gossip gurls, and sometimes, the daddies.  They will expose as much of their best features as they can, while mingling and working a trail of their pheromones in an effort to maximize attention and interest.  They will flirt, behave in wild and what they believe to be carefree actions.  They are generally the most feminine of gays.  They are not full fledge queens, or drags, but these young, experimenting gay youths will gender bend, by incorporating female clothing, accessories, and actions of a female in heat.   Be warned: these gurlybois will play with other, as well as other attractive youths, but will seek out sugar daddies to care for them. Do Not Buy These gays Drinks, unless you are willing to risk humiliation, as they will ‘work it’, and then find something more attractive and financially secure, and leave you frustrated.

 And stay tuned for part 2,  of the wildlife of the gay bar.  Coming soon.  Check local listings and time zones for the best chance to learn more about the gays in the bar.


Filed under gay, Humour, Silly Me

Oh How I Love You (Poem)

Across the view like deja vu, upon my eyes and over the ayes of mates

In frozen time, fragrant tyme, the sight of you excites me

In my mind I write, with you all is right, I want you, I need you

every day of the week, your love makes me weak

And now I believe that dreams come true, and oh how I love you




Leave a comment

Filed under poetry, Relationships

Attraction-the Good, the Bad and the Situation

Ever wonder why we do the things we do?  Why it is that we find it undeniable, that we instinctively make the same decisions over and over?

I can think of a few examples, but let us look at the men we love.  Well, we LOVE to have.  Just once.  But, like radioactive waste, we knew we should not even go near it.  But, could it hurt for just one look?  Oops, was that a line, and did I just cross it?

We knew we should eat more veggies.  A salad regularly is great for us and our health.  So is the good guys.  The guys that are exactly what we want.  The loving partner, supportive type.  The ‘he-looks-in-my-eyes-and-I-see-forever’ kind.  We all know these ones.  We want the ‘Notebook’, ‘Titanic’, ‘Mike and Molly’, relationships.  But, for most of us (if not all), at some time or another, have we not strayed on the dark side, and got a little sumin sumin that made us feel good..dirty..so good..yet so wrong?

the perfect couple- the good guy and the good girl, Clair & Cliff Huxable

the food example of the good choice

You see these toxic temptations everywhere.  You have the conversation in your head.  You justify your heart flutter, the lusting looks, the wetness in your no-no place..come on, admit it!!  Right?  Like you don’t say to yourself: ‘I can’t, but he is just sooo hot!’, ‘I must be crazy!  What’s wrong with me?’, ‘Come to momma you nasty thing!’…really?  I can hear your giggles..

The men we hate, but we cannot get out of our heads.  The ones who have a list of conquests, and is a squirt away from a life time of AIDS cocktail?  I hate the Situation, but damn, if I wouldn’t sit on that in a heartbeat!  He is sleazy, and self-centered, lazy, egotistical and really not my type..however..

I think men can be like junk food.  You may be addicted.  You may eat more than you should.  You feel it afterwards..oh god, do you feel it afterwards…oh sorry..

Men and food.  We can lose ourselves, and become the living dead if we do not remember that we are the #1, and we need to take care of us.  We all have moments of weakness and be indulgent.  But, you know what happens if you lose control…There is nothing wrong with taking a bite of naughty now and then.  But being well-balanced is the key.  We do what we do for that high, for the feeling of euphoria.  We do what we do for pleasure.  And the pleasure from healthy, as opposed to unhealthy, is the lifetime high.  And maybe it is because that is more difficult to find and keep, that we gorge on the junk that gives us a more instant gratification, that we allow ourselves to starve in between binges on what gives us great pleasure and satisfaction as we do it?

the Situation...would be my guilty pleasure.. I get me some o dat

the food version of the Situation (poutine)-so bad, but yet so good!

the food version of the Situation (poutine)-so bad, but yet so good!

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Random, Rant, Relationships, Silly Me

X’s, Sex, Mapping the Path, Str8 & the First Diva

Filing this one under My life, As uncommon.  It is true that most of me, the usually dominate personality, is the bubbly, generous, sweet, attention loving clown.  As a Gemini, it struggles with the wicked, dark personality.  So, I often, to be nice, make offers that I may not really be 100% on fulfilling.  Although I do (mostly) follow through, there are occasions that it really is not just about me.  Case in point, this past weekend.  I had extended an offer to host Mr. Str8’s ex (and mother to his daughter), if she were to get down to the city.  And she cashed in the I.O.U.  And this has me

So, as sincere as the gesture was/is, I stepped out of my house, and sighed.  I have always had the big dream of being financially secure enough to have a house that I was proud of, inside and out.  That when people came avisiting, then I would be the quintesensial host, a la Bre Van De Camp in ‘Desperate Housewives’.  That I would be a bit of a pretencious show-off.  But with a heart of gold.  And then I opened my eyes, and took stock of the state of disrepair in my yard.  Meh.  I Know that even as it looks like a right sight, I am honestly still me.  And I grudgingly have admitted that I know me well enough that I do not need to have the best home, to be the person I am.  I will not deny that the ruins of my house on the outside is a source of stress still.  The tension I get is the old throw back to my soul crushing desire to be LIKED.

I want to be able to get to know the woman who birthed my awesome step-daughter, and who has an eternal connection to Str8.  The distance, however, has not given much in regards to familiarizing, sharing, and dealing with the in-laws.  With a good 3 ½ hour drive between me and the newer family members, (did I mention I am car-less?), I have been relegated into the corner of obscurity, as vague recollections of moments of interactions.  Having only met her once, for a few minutes, face to face, we have had a brief exchange on Facebook chat, over the years.  So, really, we are pretty much still unfamiliar with each other.  So, to try to make a good impression, I launched into a cleaning rage, and tried to prepare for the visit.

It may not be the perfect world we wish it to be, that families are bound united forever.  Gone are the days were couples stayed together because of family.  Somewhere between this, and the last turn of the century, we have evolved (and devolved).  And it has shaped us.  Ex-partners moving on, finding new ones.  Let’s face it, who of us has not been touched in some way by extended familes?  Hell, half of Hollywood is virtually related, what with all the partner swapping, and oh ya, divorce!  And as if it was a challenge for women to have ex’s with other women, and men to have ex’s with other men, now we got sexual lines all blurred up in the ‘Crying Game’ like carousel, and one now, never knows which side of the fence to expect the inevitable interaction with the ‘other partner’.

There is a growing number of men and women extracting themselves out of straight relationships.  They are finally accepting themselves as something other than ‘straight’.  Taking the risk to find love and happiness, they are blending families, as well as making a giant leap for queer kind.

There are women, and men, who have yet to completely let go of former partners.  The relationship maybe over, but it can evolve into a stronger friendship.  To see another woman, or man, with the ex, can be emotional.  There are boundaries, and there are boundaries.  Sometimes, this can be a nightmare.  Let’s face it.  Love usually never dies, and it is a personal growth event to be graceful and mature in dealing with the new partner of your old one.  And vise versa.

There is the ego, the history, the connection to overcome, as well, for the new member of this mix.  For me, meeting the Frist Wife, is more than important.  It is a priority.  I am the partner of man who has a child.  A step-parent type role, that will ever be intertwined with the one person, who has been in a relationship with him.  The ability for the past and present mates to get along with each other, can often determines the outcome of the progressing relationship.

For me, having Karen for the weekend, was like having an in-law visit.  I know the score, but I cannot lock my mind on the fact that, after over 15 years, she has been a significant part of Str8’s life.  When it comes to their child, she will be envolved in our lives.  Being an adult means not being catty, or nasty, rather being friends.  All the best to those who become good friends.  Good luck to those who are pleasant enough to each other.

And then we have the rest of the puzzle.  The family.  Dealing with a new boy/girlfriend can be difficult, but make the new mate the same sex, and those less than open minded will be exposed.  Now, so far, as being awkward, meeting the men in Str8’s family as been, it has gone rather well.  I felt a slight chill, mind you.  But I chalked that up to them being nervous and awkward too.  Nothing hostile or negative.  Regardless of other family members, one can deal with them.  It’s a no brainer.  Family is family.  But the peripheral members, the  exes, are a different level.  They exist either solely as subject of attack, or as the precious, beloved mate, who the new one will measure up to.  In my case, everyone loves Karen.  But I get the feeling that there were minimal interactions.  So, the stepping into the role as partner to Str8, has not been overshadowed by her history.

As for the weekend, it was a good time.  We went to the mall, talked, laughed, even played a game of Monopoly, between Str8, Karen, and Carlie (who came for a visit), and I.  She brought over her daughter, and the girls chatted on their own.  (I was the first one out, however, Karen won, and she slaughtered Str8).  I wanted to be as welcoming as I could be.  And no clashes.  My parents suffered the horror of dealing with a similar scenario.  I am grateful that this is not the case for me.  Now, Karen and I may never really be friends, but at least, we have common ground, and a positive attitude about that fact that we are the momma type figures in our little family, and while I may be dating Str8, she is, the First Wife.  And I can respect that.  After all, if things end for us, I know that while Karen is the first first… I will be on my very own level, as the First Husband.  And that my friends, I think, is an equal position.

However, I have registered the title of First Diva.  And that role, trumps the original First Wife lead.

So the clash of personalities, egos, claims, and such, can interfere with being grown up adults, and taking the world as it is.  For those that have a same sex partner, introduction to family and friends, can be stressful.  Even more so, by adding in children, and the other parent.  Gay couples can be more visible, as well as more unsettling for some.  I am grateful that for me, Str8 has good taste in mates.  And that we, on our own accord, get along.  Whether or not there may be the occasional clash or head-butting, our places, roles, connections and positions are recognized.  It is often a challenge to deal with an ex and their new partner.  I can say with clarity, that I am not jealous of Str8 and any time he may still spend with Karen.  I am rather envious of the relationship they share, after about 20 years of history.  I can only wonder what the future will bring for Str8 and myself.  And only time will tell.

How some people can get crazy and lose control in these situations, I surely can understand.  If it is just the ‘adults’, then, if you want drama, be me guest.  But throw in children- and now you have to rise to the occasion, and be a better person.  I feel sorry for kids in such spectacles.  And then make the new partner, same sexed… even the most well rounded person can have a glitch and twitch in the process.  It is being more common, as people are breaking out of the closet.  And it is about time, too.  The world has changed in many dramatic ways, in the last couple of decades.  All of us who are creating new weaves into the fabric of society, will be leading the way to a time when there will be only a few people who will not have been, at some point, a part of a bisexually blended family.  And the attention, and focus will no longer be on parents who start dating members of the same sex.  I for one, an glad that I am in the middle of social change.  After all, I am gay.  A Gemini.  And while not the First Wife.. I know, that I am the First Diva, in my world.  That I am one of the lucky ones, who can be accepted into a family, and have a good positive relationship with an ex of my partner.  And suddenly, I am no longer concerned about the state of my house.


Filed under Humour, Rant, Relationships, Silly Me