Tag Archives: gay

Wedded Bliss? A Rant on Marriage

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage. In some conservative cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2]The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.  (as from wikipedia)

Recently, I learned of a gay couple who seem to be engaged, as per a social media status update.  I am very much a supporter of marriage, gay or otherwise, in relation to love, and the commitment of two individuals.  I am a romantic, believe in love, and the soul mate ideal.  The above two paragraphs are from wikipedia. In the second, it gives reasons for many to decide to be married.  I do not presume to know the workings of someone else’s relationship….however…

It has taken way too long for humanity to deal with each other, to have a fair and equal world.  I know, not there yet but a work in progress.  Rights granted, blah blah…

My issue is that this:  If we fight for rights and equality, then shouldn’t we have some level of respect for the things we have?  Freedom of will and liberty is great.  But if gays can marry, should not we attempt to honourable? 

Straight couples have enjoyed the highs and lows of marriage from the beginning.  And while there are those that disrespect the institution and what it stands for, and there are those, as well, who value its ideals and beliefs.  With so many hetros on their own narrow view point, it makes gay marriage difficult if it is not done for the purest of reasons: love.  Man/woman marriages have been for love, money, and a myriad of reasons.  Let us face this: gay rights may picking up speed in our world, but stereotypes remain.  Gays are seen as dirty, promiscuous, and an afront to the meaning of marriage.  So, if a couple of gays who are looking to get hitched for concerns of finance, or status, rather than love and being only 2 joined in intimacy, then, how in the name of all that is Elton John, can we get away from being the demon if we put it all out there?  that we say, meh, marriage ok even if it’s not for love.  Really? 

Why would a couple of sleep-around-seths want to get married?  Sure, makes senes for the straights.  Look  step-ford family, raise kids, but really, you are schlanking the rest of the suburban street, at  the ‘swappers’ party.  You would need marriage to be the beard, if you all are bed hopping.  Well, gays do that regardless.  Unless we got kids, there is no real need to get into matrimony other than love.  Ok you may say, not so.  Seriously?  ok then, let’s see.  Money/finances?  How about investments?  RRSPs?  Will marriage make this couple I know of better?  Hardly.  If they give up trying to win the skank equivalent of the Best Picture Oscar, then meh, ok.  They marry for love.  Forsake all others.  I ll buy them a blender.

However, if we think that just because we now can marry, should we?  The straights have the corner on seedy, secret, scandalous sexual affairs of married couples.  Really, for us gays, we accept this, rather embrace this, and damn many of us are good at being tramps.  So, maybe thanks to that fabulous other red head Julia Roberts and that fine (well, not so recently) Richard Gere, the gays got the marriage bug.  That even though they are amateur porn stars, they too can live the dream. 

If gays make the committment to tie the knot, then why can’t they do it for the spirit and the letter of marriage?  And make it about romance and not how many times you can play hide wet  twirl the cabaret stick…. And if you detected some resentment, you would be right.  I have resigned myself to the knowledge that unless Mr. Str8 is left a vegetable and unable to stop me from forcing him to marry me… I will never be a bride.  And I am pretty ok with it.  I dream of being married.  I just really think those gays who count more sex partners than jelly beans while in a relationship should really just stay the course.  And leave marriage to the gays who are a better example of human equality, who truly are the marrying kind.  Those of us who believe in love, romance and being the only two,  in a party of two.   By the powers of blogging,  I now pronounce you rant and rant, and may you may rant on….

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Filed under gay, Humour, Quotes, Random, Rant, Relationships, Silly Me

A Man Rant

So, Honey Badger (she selected the name, I liked it) and I got to comparing some notes on our men.  Honey reminisced on her ex, and I, on you guessed it, Mr. Str8, about the annoying behaviour of some  men’s video game addiction…

Honey: Tell everyone about our rant (laughing)

Me: So Str8 has picked up another  Playstation video game. He came down for weekend.  I worked on the Sunday, so we confirmed, on the way into town in the morning, that I was off at 6:30.  He said he would leave at 6:20.  I texted him after 6pm.  After I was walking to meet him, I get a text “u off at 6:30 or 7:30?”  He got caught up playing this game, and was over 30 minutes late…..so not impressed.  Then, the very next night we agreed to meet at the market.  I texted him ten minutes away from the store.  He showed up late, 20 minutes later.  Oh, and why you may ask?  Yup, frickin video game!  Was I a happy princess?  Not so much.  He being a j-a, laughed it off. Men!

Marla: (laughs)

Honey: Ya, A-H would play his video games all night, for hours, and stay up late, even though he had to be up at 6am, he would play past 1am!  stupid.

Me: Right?  And ok, if that’s not bad enough, I leave Str8 for the day, and know he is on that blasted thing all day, and when I get home, there are dishes, and  bags and wrappers all over my counter like some junk food atom bomb went off!  It’s not like there is a garbage can under the sink, oh no, that one just leaves a mess like a teenage junkie!

Honey: (laughing) I know, they lose all sense, wasting their time.

Me: Trust me, just like Carlie said, we could strip off and do a lap dance and get pushed away like we don’t exist.  Zombies the lot of em.

Honey: Why are men like that?

Marla: Men are like overgrown kids.

Me: More or less. I don’t get it.  If I don’t respond to Str8 when he wants me to, I get flack! Now, ladies, you have to understand men are designed by biology to be the hunter.  So they hunt, watch sports, play video games or build things to keep them active, no longer the caveman that actually brought back the bacon.  Housework, cooking and cleaning, that is not a man’s job.  Do they not realize, but not paying attention and doing what we want, that they make it worse for them?

Honey: That pisses me off, because when I used to try to get him to bed, he would bitch and complain, and sulk.  (laughing)  Hey, wait, but you are still a man.. so…

Me: Gurl, I i-dent-ify…it’s not my fault God gave me the pole and not the valley.  It is a wonderful curse… I get to…

Honey: And that is where you should end this rant before it get’s triple x… Say ‘see you later’

Me:….oh… (pout) men.. I will leave it at that… see you all later..

 

We all have things that annoy us, and we can annoy our partners.  But for love, we may complain, but at the end of the day, we secretly look back and laugh.  It’s the little things that make a relationship.  No one is perfect.

 

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Wildlife of..: the Gay Bar Part 2-(A gaysexandthecity expose)

In tonight’s  episode of Wildlife, we will look at the those elusive creatures that inhabit the often sketchy territory, known simply as the  ’gay bar’.  This ain’t your parent’s Nature of Things, to be sure.

This habitat has become extremely popular among it’s wildlife.  In many parts of the world, these ‘watering holes’ have sprung up all over, growing in proportion to that of the demand for space, and variety.

While any gay can be found in these hot spots, there are many examples of the gays that frequent regularly.  And we look at the most common groups in which make the gay bar a significant part of their routine.  Scientists believe that these specific breeds of the gays, are instinctively drawn into the gay bar for gratification.  Tonight we will look at the freak’omos.

freak’omos:  Of the various breeds of the gays, these are among some of the most interesting.  They often are free spirited and move from other groups, settling in this variation.

Freak'omos want to play with you

Often premiscious, and adventurous, they enjoy layers of intimate encounters, rooted in the fetish, and kink.  Leather, chains, make-up, role-playing, S&M, they seperate themselves from the rest of the gay bar gays, making many of these other members take a stand-offish postition, unless they are seeking to experiment with this brand of behaviour.

They will often worship idols such as Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, and the genres of music such as goth, rock,  alternative rock, grunge, and glam. 

Adam Lambert- an Icon

Outside of the gaya bar, many will maintain a mild manner ‘normal’ persona.  Others, will still dress in tribal freak attire, with colouring of their hair in blues, purples, pinks, greens, and oranges. 

They can be found at vintage shops, and will enjoy comic books, the occult, and on-line gaming.  They will engage you in conversation that weaves from intelligent to  gibberish, and be encorherent at times when they are intoxicated.

a common sighting of freak'omo gays

the freak’omos, (freak homosexuals), is termed, in an effort to classify these pecticular brand of sexually open minded and creative gays.  At the bar, they will enjoy ‘performing’ for the other gays, and will gravitate to the Queens, and the Bearitallers.

 

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Coming Out: Muse & State

Coming out in any time in the history of the world surely is full of challenges.  We have pressure packed societies that maintain order and are suppose to exact justice for all.  That’s how it should work.

How did humanity become so divided, that we exist in bubbles from each other?  Ok, we all get the basics; the history and geography classes we took in high school should have given us a point of reference.

We know that humans evolved, by whatever means at their disposal.  That they somehow figured out that staying put with the comfort of numbers, of growing and herding food, was better than aimlessly wandering the wilds.  They needed to keep people in these groups, so laws, religions and social hierarchy  became to be formed.  Each group had their own concerns, challenges.  People were people, no matter where and some things would occur…. Well, anyway, these early societies began to develop and grow.

Sex has always been a difficult issue, one we refuse to talk about but not ashamed to practice.

We would have our independent say about our bodies and who and what we did.  We were in control of ourselves.  This didn’t often sit well with leaders, political and religious alike.  They believed they had the power over their people, that each one had a responsibility to serve these leaders.  This seems to have substantially altered human evolution.  That for the most part, sex was about reproduction, nothing more.

Fast forward, to the civilizations that forever shaped who and what we are:  Britain, Rome, Greece, and all of those other greats of Asia.  The most influence and dominance have come from these forces.

Each one set upon a path of it’s own.  Religions took the reins of guidance and power.  Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, among others, have and still weld the might of nations and spiritualism. Here is where the waters of human existence get muddied.

The modern world has suffered untold maladies, witnessed horrors and atrocities unmentionable.  All of which is far from over.  We are in the midst of the middle bouts of battles on the war of human freedoms, acceptance, rights and openness.

How many of us from our own part of the world have looked out beyond the cages of our lives, and wondered if there were others like us?  Maybe not everyone; maybe not yet.  But at some point in being alive, we question ourselves, our world, and our role in it.  Some question early, and seek answers.  Most push it aside, to try to ignore it.  Still, many more process the world and then it affects them later on; only now to add their own imposed feelings and responses from the society they now see in a different light.

Sex.  We try to classify, to compartmentalize and categorize sex and how we define ourselves in regards to sex.  It took scores of civilizations, of maturity and hardships to finally allow humans to be considered: straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered; even plain old queer.

To come out, is to put yourself out there, no just as another human being, but now labeled as something else.  Straight folk have the advantage, as it is the core of sexuality.  It is accepted that all of us are heterosexual, until we provide evidence to the contrary.  How we talk, walk, laugh, run, drive, eat, dance, sing and shop- the list is endless. On these cold hard facts, we are judged as to our sexual orientation.  We even have named the detection system used to weed out those not straight.  Gay-dar.  Intuition that often fails us, this is the secret weapon.  Personality and intimate feelings of self, and subsequent expression of these aside, we are forever distracted by figuring each other out.  Instead of coming out ourselves.

The idea of disclosure is a pure one.  Humans are needy as well as independent.  Some are ok with being ordinary.  Of deception and protective of their privacy.  Some embrace the world of their gender specific roles, and act accordingly.  They can enjoy and be happy in their decision, or suffer dire consequences.  Many will at some point stand up to the society in which they live, and place themselves in the line of view and scrutiny of the whole world, good and bad.  We all come out, show the world who we are.  True colours.

Family is a resource, as well a source of anguish.  The younger and more certain the person, the more pressure on them, to paint a label on themselves.  As to the position they will take so that others can pick their own spot.  The ones who support, the ones who denounce and the ones who torture.

Outside of family, I never once regretted being openly gay.  I found great open, loving and kind people, the most surprising, and the most refreshingly positive, were the men I knew.  At work, in the real world, in the ‘mature’ world, I found wonderful experiences.  But to strangers, on public transit, on public spaces, the bullies appeared.  Not since school (college, to be sadly accurate) did some of the worst offenses to the weaker and lost souls really mark those souls. I was picked on endlessly.  Mostly about being gay.  I feel guilty, that I was not good at hiding the truth (because I believe I always knew in my heart), and they were punishing me for fibbing.  If only it was that simple.  I wonder.  If I stood up and screamed loud that I was, would it have been different?  One way or the other.  But I took the easy way out of that situation, and suffered a lifetime of trying to have self-confidence and self worth.

The most important family learned the truth, when secrecy from my parents became less important.  Both parents would never know the truth before the grave.  I dream of the perfect family in which I could have been me, myself & I.  But coming out to all of my family was the easiest thing.  Suffering the worst pain of not being able to be myself to my parents, and the best feeling of being true to myself with my sisters and her  family and of being loved.  Everyone else is secondary.  I love my family, but being wanted is great, but not mandatory.

Coming out is very personal, a decision that affects, effects and challenges the best of us.  As humans, no matter where you live, in what society, in any time, we must be true to ourselves.

Sex is personal, but there has to be a common line each of us can start from, to share the goodness, and even the bad of life, to be kind to all.

If we all have a point of reference that we as individuals can grow from, then we will be better humans, for the future, for the species, and be honest and brave, to come out and feel the sun.  To be stronger as people,  as a family.  To come out, whatever that means to you.  To not hide the light, not hide the reason for you being who you are.  To set up a safe place in families, friends, schools, and communities, for anyone to come out, and be accepted.

The world has changed, in many regards.  Humans still working to find our way.  Coming out is a major, often life altering event for many, those who sum up the courage will tell you.  It is a rite of passage for those not straight.  I say, why not all human beings do the same?  Why not every one of us, stand up and come out, declare yourself to the world?  Could the world be a better place, if we just make things a little bit more equal, and not just pay lip service to the ideal? 

Coming out is a major turning point for anyone willing to expose themselves.  We try to be seen, want to be accepted for who we are, no matter the colour, creed, or feelings we have.  So many will not have the chance to be free to do so.  Is it not the village that should raise the children?  Are we not civilized enough yet to give our futures the chance to flourish? 

 

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Wildlife of..: the Gay Bar Part 1-(A gaysexandthecity expose)

In tonight’s debut episode of Wildlife, we will look at the those elusive creatures that inhabit the often sketchy territory, known simply as the  ‘gay bar’.  This aint your parent’s Nature of Things, to be sure.

This habitat has become extremely popular among it’s wildlife.  In many parts of the world, these ‘watering holes’ have sprung up all over, growing in proportion to that of the demand for space, and variety.

While any gay can be found in these hot spots, there are many examples of the gays that frequent regularly.  And we look at the most common groups in which make the gay bar a significant part of their routine.  Scientists believe that these specific breeds of the gays, are instinctively drawn into the gay bar for gratification.  They have identified these 3 most common of the gays:

the hag fag gays party with their gurls..but looks like these two may pair off...

The Hag Fags: are mostly attractive, but sometimes not so much.  They will only venture into the gay bars with the support of members of the opposite sex (females, for those who only study the gays), those friends that will allow this breed to pretend that they are not interested in availability of potential mates.  These use their female companions as winghags.  If they have the opportunity to hook up with a hottie, they will abandon the hags without much fanfare.  They in fact, are actually performing a form a mating ritual, on the mating display ground, known as the ‘dancefloor’.  They shake, shimmy, grind, flaunt, tease, wink, and many can be seen making a rather spectacle of themselves. They feel safe with these female pack members, providing a cover for their own non-commitment and lack of desire to mate with the various other members of the gays in the gay bar. They, like most gays, have high level of ego, and can be known to flirt on the dancefloor.  Unless they set sights on a specific gay of interest, they may get lucky.  Mostly, the hag fags are out to dance.

the gawker (stalker) gay- make no mistake, it looks fine, but it is out to feed. Hi, what's your size?

The Gawkers (AKA stalkers): This breed of gays, will observe, and ‘scope’ out, or ‘cruise’, the available selections of other gays, waiting to entice a gay who returns the interest.  They will consume as much alcohol as they can, and stalk a partner for pleasure.  They will instigate conversation, flirt with and attempt to attract a companion.  They will attempt to seperate their intended victim random encounter, from it’s group.   They are usually seeking a one night stand, and like a lioness, can locate the easiest of prey. And hoping for the best abilities… These pleasure seekers are more than just responding to basic sexual urges.  They are much more demanding.  Please be cautious. This breed can be aggressive.

these are dangerous, egoist gays-admire from afar...

Narcisissies: These are among the most crafty and manipulative of the gays.  They appear to be extremely vain, well-groomed and self-absorbed.  They will spend time looking at themselves in mirrors.  Apply make-up and lip gloss, fix hair, and take pictures of themselves with their cell phones.  They often will travel in packs consisting of hag fags and their hags, other narcisissies, dancefloor divas, gossip gurls, and sometimes, the daddies.  They will expose as much of their best features as they can, while mingling and working a trail of their pheromones in an effort to maximize attention and interest.  They will flirt, behave in wild and what they believe to be carefree actions.  They are generally the most feminine of gays.  They are not full fledge queens, or drags, but these young, experimenting gay youths will gender bend, by incorporating female clothing, accessories, and actions of a female in heat.   Be warned: these gurlybois will play with other, as well as other attractive youths, but will seek out sugar daddies to care for them. Do Not Buy These gays Drinks, unless you are willing to risk humiliation, as they will ‘work it’, and then find something more attractive and financially secure, and leave you frustrated.

 And stay tuned for part 2,  of the wildlife of the gay bar.  Coming soon.  Check local listings and time zones for the best chance to learn more about the gays in the bar.

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See the Colours We Are: A Rant

OK.  Bit of a rant.  Had experienced a couple of things in the past month or so.  1) I had accompanied my friend Tayon and her mother to blown up incident involving one of her sons, before meeting Carlie for a night out. 2) Overheard some racial slurs at random in public.  And I realized something.  Somethings have not changed in the world.  So, I reflected on myself and how I see the world.  That I admit I am  unusual, and a bit of a farce, at times.  But at least I can face myself.   And laugh at myself.  Be who we are, (Native Canadian, black, white, Asian, Middle Eastern, or gay), I get right pissed at racial profiling and ignorance.  So, just wanted to put out there a viewpoint from my head.

The best part of being raised out of Nova Scotia, and in the hood of Jane and Finch in North York (Toronto), was that coming home, here, I see things as (what we call) a ‘fromawayer’.  Toronto, with its ethnic neighbourhoods, meant, that I could see, experience, things from the perspective of the people who made it a bridge from where they came, to the melting pot of Canada.

While I did have friends who were like me, (white, and ‘Canadian’), I grew surrounded by the joys of Chinatown, Little Italy, little India, the Hungarian hood, and the Caribbean.

I knew early on I was different.  And trying to find myself, I tried on being a Prep, a Mod, a Rocker.  I spent much time with my friends who had exotic, colourful cultures, that made me realize, I am Canadian, and that we all come ‘from away’.

I would make pillows, and pillowcases, and apply fabric in frames, made of sari.  I loved saltfish and ackee, jerk chicken, curry everything, and real Chinese and Japanese foods.  Every week in junior and high schools, we would make our way to the Jamaican store to get Jamaican patties on a bun.  And drink ginger root beer.

I was different, and the Kraft dinner, hambugers, hot dogs, and fish cakes were good.  But gimme spicy, hot, delicious food!!

I was awkward and overweight, compensating for the instinctive programming of being gay.  I denied it as long as I could, and embraced things that were not from the world I was raised.

It sickens me that after all the struggles, plights, challenges, and plagues, humans have suffered at the hands of each other in time, that we still have not learned lessons.

People see me. White. And flamboyant. Hell, I am queer and proud of it.  I see people too.  It is not just that as caste of humans, that the gays have adopted the rainbow to represent the vast community we are.  But as hope for all of us to see colour.

I get mad at whites who say shit like, ‘I don’t see skin colour’, or, ‘I have friends who are (pick a colour)’

I see colour.  I see pink, white, brown, black, and all the fabulous shades of humanity.  It is our differences that make up this world.  Without colour, it is not just black and white.  It would dull.

I know pain.  Fear. Humiliation. Loathing. Hatred. Suffering.

I know love. Joy. Happiness. Peace.

I haven’t lived a life of others.  I can empathize.  I can try to understand. I can weep at the darkness humans inflict upon each other.

I can admire, and hope, and laugh and open my heart.  I can open my mind.

I still have faith for us.  I believe. I wish.  I make a stand.

I will eat my curry chicken, or ox tale, or lasagna.  Listen to reggae, bollywood, or musicals.  I will be walking the street like a runway model a la RuPaul, and gurl, don’t get me all up in ur tired ass grill…cos those heels r da bomb!!!

I will ogle, and objectify men (damn, boi, that junk don’t stop!) And do it from an ironic heart.

I will be fierce.  I will be me.  I am the life I have led.  I will balance my good with my bad.  I will hang my dream catchers, wear my moccasin boots, make shit out of sari and I will see you.

Whatever colour.  Creed. Nationality. Good actions or bad.  I expect you to see me too.

 

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Imagine the World If the Gays Took Over…

Imagine the world if the gays took over.  We would get the most masculine hollywood stars dress in drag, and parade in heels in Buttfuck anywhere, USA.  We would have a badboy dress up in bad 70s polyester suits, and have sex with other men.  (Since he WAS married to Madonna, not a stretch for him, we all know).  We would have musical films, and dance films, and little wizards in plays in glorious nudity.  We would have dudes kissing each other, while searching for a car.  TV would have even more musicals, with hot young stars, in various states of undress on a weekly basis.  We would have competition shows for models, porn stars, singers, dancers, and even put a few in a fake house and watch them, 24/7.  And there would be hot guys galore.  We could have sci-fi with man-on-man sex, lots of kissing and lewd comments. 

Imagine the world if the gays took over.  We would have cell phones that multi-task: phones, cameras, and the internet.  (To tweet conquests and keep up with that little skinny bitch who posts YouTube music videos every ten minutes of Pink, Madonna, Brittney Spears).  These new gadgets would be called G-somethings.  G2, G3, G4… Not standing for Generation, but for Gay…  We would snap dirty pix of ourselves, and share it with the world.  Instantly.  Start sexting, and figure out what not to wear.  (There’s an app for that).

Imagine the world if the gays took over.  Kilts would appear season after season, in fashion weeks around the world, worn by men created of bone, muscle and flesh.  And they would wear purses.  Pants will have velcro, and be made of mesh, sheer materials and leather.  More magazines will have men on the cover, and offer to reveal secrets about pleasing him in intimate ways, to try to keep him at home, and not running the roads.  Make-up will make all men look younger, and more photogenic.

Imagine the world if the gays took over.  BBQs will have more surface space, for those intimate, tailgating parties with the bros.  There would be warming compartments, and shelving, for spices, and serving vessels in the latest pastels, with logos from sports teams, so that the bros feel the manly love of grilled meat, veggies and even BBQ devil’s food cake, with extra creamy cream frosting.   All, conveniently prepared on the all-in-one BBQ, nestled beside the swimming pool, and over-sized hot tub, where guys can relax and share conversations, pressed up in the hot water, against each other.

Imagine the world if the gays took over.  Cars would be more environmentally friendly, would have space to stretch out, for those times you just can’t make it home to pull off a private time with the bro u meet on the street corner, or at that club. 

Imagine the world if the gays took over.  Politicians would have the chance to get to know the bros in their districts, one-on-one, or in group conventions, at the most luxurious hotels.  (With a private excercise room, sauna, and spa). 

Imagine the world if the gays took over…..ah.. oh, ok.. never mind.  Look s like we already took over.  Why am I the last the know??? Damnit!

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Shit My Boyfriend Says-Str8 to the Gutter

Welcome to another exciting edition! Yay.  Submitted for you review, some more colourful and mad quotes.  I have been postponing in updating Mr. Str8, as to avoid the inevitable ego blowup.  Like bourbon, (or Conan O’Brien), I can only take it in a mini shot at a time.  Enjoy!

1) “No.  I’m not going to New Zealand.  Just my luck, I get there and the volcano erupts.  Fuck that!”

2) “Oh yeah, I brought down the broccoli seeds, so we can grow our own and save money.  They’ll grow in a pot full of potting soil, right?”

3) “I know.  You and everyone else is in love with me.  I would be too…”

4) “What do you mean I’m not romantic?  What the fuck was me driving you to and from work all those months?”

5) “I’m hungry.  I need something now….You take too long, like your Martha fuckin Stewart on sleeping pills.”

6) “Careful walking around.  I got pissed off at my game and smashed the controller.  It shattered from the bedroom to the kitchen.  Cheap shit.”

7) “Don’t touch my hair!  It took me too long to get it like this….”

8)  “Yeah.  I’m telling you, that guy is gay.  He’s so gay, makes you look like Brian Mulroney….Wait, he’s gay too.. fuck, you know what I mean.”

9) “Really?  YOU dated, and banged a chick?  She look like a man?”

10) “Drinking wine…You too?  Oh yeah.  I’m drinking the real stuff, not the shit I made there like you are.  Enjoy that?”

11) “No, you’re not buying those jeans.  You like Rosanne Barr greased into Celine Dion’s pants.” (to me….ya)

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Shit My Boyfriend Says 1

A few random quotes from Mr. Str8, to share.  His version of ‘Shit My Dad Says’..

1) “Why don’t you get black ones.  Red pumps make you look like a hooker.”   (To his teenage daughter shopping for high heels)

2) “Can you move out of the way- you’re blocking my view of that guy’s hot arse.”

3) ME: “Hello?  That was our turn.  You just past it.”    STR8: “Shit”   ME: “What were you thinking?”     STR8: “I was thinking what Derek (from Teen Wolf) looked like naked.”          

4) STR8: “I feed that cat three times today.  He is still looking for more.”     ME: ” I could say the same about you.”     STR8: “Yeah?  Well at least I know when to stop.”     ME: “Really?  Let me know when you do.”     STR8: “What are you saying?  You calling me fat?  No, wait don’t answer that…”

5) (At the park feeding squirrels, he is holding the bag of walnuts.  I reach for some, and he pulls it away)     STR8: “There’s not much left.  Get your own nuts.”     ME: ” Really?  How about if you don’t share these, I’ll show you what I’ll do to your nuts mister.”     STR8: “Here. Have some of my nuts.”

6) STR8: “Why the fuck do they call this a gay movie?”     ME: “Cos it IS a movie about gay men…?!”     STR8: “Porn is a gay movie.  A movie like this should be called crap.”     ME: “Cos there’s no sex?”     STR8: “Yeah.  A crap movie.”

7) “I told you I don’t believe in marriage.  Why bother buying the cow, when you get the milk for free?”

8) “I spilt tea.  What’s the deal?  Your carpet’s fucked already, you can’t really tell.”  (In response to my freak out over tea stains)

9) “See that guy over there?  He can’t take his eyes off me.  He wants me.  I know they all do.”

10) ME: “I don’t wanna get up!”     STR8: “I understand.  If I had me in bed next to me, I wouldn’t want to leave me either.”

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A Str8 View To Enjoy

So Hot

And something to stare at

yummy.. so never will be me.. WAY too much work.. but damn

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