Tag Archives: random

Status Quotes 1: Surviving Heartbreak

even when i am not whole, even when i may not being fully alive, even if I’m less than perfect, i know there are those who wont forsake me, and who will take me in their lives… may i give back

how much, how long, without.. when will it be time…to say what needs to be said, to make a choice to stop being frozen in time

dear god… please give me strength.. or numbness, cos the pain of loss and confusion is more than I can bare

pretty sure i am lucky.. supportive friends and family…. i know i still am loved..unlike the love that was to be forever

bit of news to make me sleepy.. can only hope sleep wont keep avoiding me, like the man who vowed love, and then walked away

I wish I knew, I wish I could, I wish I will… But all I wish, will never be, since the love of my life walked away in silence, and left my heart broken and deaf

smiling is the emotional equivalent of applying make up to a bruise.. everyone knows no matter how hard you try to conceal it…

love may burn like hot water, but unlike water you can’t turn it off like a tap

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Shit Mr. Str8 says Update

Well, it has been forever since my last post.  Things have been rather rough for a while, mostly finding myself laid off and unemployed for over a month. I regretfully hadn’t been writing as much.  However, I at a turning point, and angst, is a great inspiration.

So, with a broken heart, after close to three years, I find myself single again, Mr. Str8 has left the building, left a void in my life. I am still in shock, and dealing with the events. I decided to not do any more quotes, instead, work on other material.

So with that rather depressing news.. hope you all have been well and happy.

I will be back shortly.

 

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the Ides of April

funny how sometimes the universe sends you a message you cannot ignore.  And in the dark, it is the light that finds you, and the fear and pain can wash away.  I have just been in this position.  And while I try to make light of somethings, sometimes you need to acknowledge the complexities that is life.  And, in turn dead.

So, in my pitiful life, worrying about the end of employment, and dealing with pettiness, my sister had to deliver sad news.  A dear, wonderful family friend died.  And not just any one, but a selfless, compassionate and angelic like human being.  Anna was a light in the gloom of the world.  Never a mean thing to say, she was always loving.  Even when cancer began to attack, and Anna suffer, she took no easy way out, no more than she needed.  Her philosophy was always, ‘there is someone worse off than me.  Let them have it.’  And as she fought the good fight, month after month, she still was a shining light.  And last week, the last once of fight left Anna, and she was no longer an angel on Earth, as she was returned to where she was needed next.  And all those lives she touched, remembered her.

And from that, my sister returned home, to a sick husband.  And the horror of his being so sick, that he collapsed.  My sister, ever the force, did what she needed to.  My brother-in-law is a good man.  And he held on, in ICU, with my sister at his side.  And in hospital, he has gotten better.  And getting better.  And we are grateful.  Not unlike Anna, my sister is an amazing human being.  Loving, compassionate, and strong.  A light in this world.

My good friend also got bad news.  Her nephew, who came to defend another, was shot dead for his stand.  And a young man, taken out of this world by an act of violence.  And it rippled out, a family trying to make sense of such a loss.  So young and promising.  Senseless.

And today, it seems more senselessness… A member of the gay community in Halifax, a much loved, and wonderful human being, was beaten violently to death.  Raymond Taavel, came to the defense of another human being and paid with his life.  I knew of him, but a moment in time.  I meet Raymond the first day I was at the local gay bar, about a week after my mother died, and I was on my own.  I sat with him and his friends, and we drank, and ate.  We talked about writing, and many times after, when I would go to the bar, he was there.  Always a smile, always positive.   Always a chat.  He was brutually killed by a psychiatric patient who was allowed an unescorted leave.  He failed to return.  Raymond tried to defend his friend when, by the reports, the patient was accosting him.  And paid with his life.  Metro Halifax Regional Police arrested him.  There was a vigil for Raymond.  A downtown street was blocked virtually last minute, for the honour of a key member of the gay community, of the city.

In a world of diversity, of good and bad, it makes life a balance.  It seems for me, that the lives of many have intersected, that in the wake of death, of serious health issues, of loss, the balance of the universe will find a way to give us messages.  To remind us that life is precious, and short.  That any one of us, could be off this mortal coil in a last heart beat.  That good, positive people can be taken.  And while  we do not understand, or agree, that we feel anger and resentment, we all must find something good.  I wish to find the goodness, the light, the positive of good people, and try to live life with the honour, for those taken before their time, or at the end of a long road.  I choose to live up to the strength of good people.  For Anna, for my sister, my brother-in-law, my friend’s nephew, and for Raymond.  For me, in my own world, I wish to follow the strength of my family.  Heroes come in many fashions, in  many statures, but  the way someone lives life, speaks volumes to the balance of the universe.  Anna, my sister, are two of my heroes.  And Raymond.  We question why for tragic events.  It is what we do after, that defines us, our futures.  It is the universe’s way to keep us honest.  And what we do in this world, is the best way to reply to the messages of the universe, after the ides of April…

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the Movie Extravaganza Pre-Easter Weekend Str8 Rumble

Last week on my week day off, we went to the movies.  Now, this is a rare treat of late, that Mr. Str8 would be willing to spend that much money other than shopping on Ebay for video games and replacement controllers for ps2.  (Have you seen the brutal murder of one such controller?)  When I confirmed I would be off for the day, he mentioned the movie idea. Here we were sitting in the kitchen, on our laptops, and I nearly fell off my chair, while flashes of colours assaulted my brain.  I steadied myself with a hand on his arm.

“A what?  Sorry, I thought you actually mentioned going to the movie theatre?”

“Ya, I did.  What’s your issue?”  Str8 stares at me like I transformed into a three headed Richard Simmons.

“Really?  Are you playing a sick belated April Fool’s Day joke on me or are you serious?”

“Don’t take it like it’s some kind of real date night shit or anything.  I wanna see if there is anything good.  Find out what’s playing.”

I know what you are thinking.   How is it that I’m the luckiest gay to have such a warm, fuzzy and awesomely romantic bf?  I keep trying desperately to find that out.  What did I ever do to deserve a real fairy tale love?  So, I loaded up Empire Theatre’s site faster than you could say ‘j’ (as in jackass…), or not as fast as Mariah Carey’s movie crashed and burned…

We really had two options.  I swiveled Sully (laptop) and showed him the trailer for ‘John Carter’.

“that’s it!  We are seeing that one!” Str8 exclaimed with a sloppy grin.

“Ok…or what about…”

“Wax in the ears?  I said that one.  What part of ‘that’s it’, did you not get?”

“What part of your computer will come in contact with which part of your body, in about.. say.. 5 seconds?…..”

“The bottom, and my head?”

“Yes, and no- your head is too hard and thick for an empty container…but your lap is exposed…”  He quickly pulled his chair forward so his belly mashed on the table’s edge.  I glared at him.

“I love you?”  He blew a kiss.

“Jackass..”  I coughed into my hand.

John Carter.. 4 thumbs up

So without bloodshed, we decided.  And then the morning of the Great Movie Adventure of 2012, I repeatedly reminded him of the time, a perpetual countdown to the departure time, and ETA.  And the wax from my ears must have travelled out of my ear canal, slugged itself along the pillows the night before, right into his superior tunnels, because I couldn’t pry him off his video game in time.

“Ok, save the game for the love of RuPaul already, we need to leave!” I yelled.  I hate getting to the theatre late.  Major pet peeve.  So, with barely time to spare, I finally dragged Str8 out of the house, and off on the road.  Getting into Bayer’s Lake was not easy.  Direction-challenged Str8, missed the turn off.  I directed him around, and he took the very first right, and kept going.

“Ok, the theatre is right there, and u didn’t turn.” I steamed.  A U-ie and back around… he grumbled and I not happy.  We got in to the theatre, a few minutes into the start.

“See we made it.”  Str8 said.  I glared at him.

“Movie is on. No talking.”  And we enjoyed a most exciting and great movie.  I cannot believe that ‘John Carter’ was not a smash hit.  I loved it.

 

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Daily Photo- Proud Canuck

Patriotic me…Olympic mitts, scarf and fleece pillow…

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ReRev Elev: Str8 Music Quote Quickie

That hook that makes u glow, the chorus that makes you scream it out loud while driving in your car, the rift that makes you air guitar in a line-up.  Music moves our souls.  Music is the haven of the gay.  And the straight.  And Divas and Str8s…

Our meshing of music tastes was not as bad as I thought it would be. I expected more twangy suicidal country, to compete with my dance.   Str8 has the country thing.  But the big surprise was the opera.  And there has been common likes.  And ‘wft’?  And some of our music centered exchanges:

1) Str8:  ”What the fuck is that?”

Me: “What?

Str8: “What you’re listening to.”

Me: “It’s classical-metal-house-fusion”

Str8: “It’s shit, more like!”

2) Str8: “Ava Maria…”  (singing, loudly, and painfully off key)

Me: “Can we not really?  It’s July…stop with torturing me with freakin Christmas music!”

Str8: (scolls through his Itunes, clicks, and starts singing again to ‘White Christmas’)  “Now that’s Christmas music.”

Me: “No, that’s your funeral theme song if you keep it up..”

3) Sr8: “Huh..who’s singing that?”

Me: “Oh, the best boyband ever-the Wanted!  look.”  (I bring up Googles images for the Wanted)

Str8: (eyes light up, smiles, pushes me as he get a closer look)  “I like them.”

Me: “Them?…Or their music?”

Str8: “Them…and the music.  How do I get them?”

Me: “Them?… Or their music?”

Str8: “Them.  But I’ll settle for their music.”

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Daily Photo

Green Gables, home to Anne, in Prince Edward Island, over 100 years of entertaining the world with her spirit and red hair..

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Why I Wont Be a Parent

Standing in a long line up at the only Tim Horton’s open for blocks from work on Good Friday, with members of peewee hockey and family swarming the joint (it is one of the designer Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cafes)….. I turned to my co-worker on the way out, and grumbled my intolerance.

Me: It’s some tournament or something… I cannot imagine having the money to have a kid in sports.  It must be bloody expensive!

C0-worker: You are right, it is not cheap.

Me: This is why I don’t have kids, man!  Firstly, I would have to work round clock to afford to feed it, and clothe it!  Let alone letting it participate in a team… I would be like “Jr., if you want to play sports, get a job and pay for it yourself!”

Co-worker: (laughing)

Me: No, I’m not kidding!  If my seven-year old asked to play, then he could work for it.  Kathy Lee Gifford had kids making her clothes.  Rose made Gypsy Lee Rose earn her keep….

Co-worker: (laughing, yet appalled)  I don’t think it works that way.  That’s not really legal here.. and as for Rose, I still pretty much think that isn’t legal any more either…

Me: Short of raising it in the Fourth World, I guess you’re right.  Child stars at least don’t have the time to join sports, what with the hours acting on set.. No guarantees it could be cute enough or smart enough to perform.  Even if it is mine.  Ok, well, it would need to earn it’s keep then.  ‘Hey you, clean the house and don’t forget the gutters!  And tomorrow, you’d better be re-tiling the roof if you want to go to the finals with the team!’

Co-worker: (still laughing) You wouldn’t?

Me: Hey, gotta work for it… Ask Donald Trump.  It could help with the groceries too… ‘ok you, take the bags to the car…. no, no cart for you mr. all-star, you are carrying all those bags, and hurry up’…

Co-worker: (shaking his head)  U really shouldn’t have kids.  Hey, You never mentioned lemonade stands, dog walking…

Me: They would never make enough cash that way!  It would drop and spill the drink, or lose all the dogs, and then I would have to pay more out to fix it’s mistakes…. Ah, I  see your point. Well, this is one reason why I won’t be a parent. (sigh)

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Photo for the Day

One of my delicious Sunday breakfasts for Mr. Str8 and I.. his had the chocolate syrup, mine is the lighter fare ….naturally..

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Equality For All?

Under the notion that all are created equal, it then would seem to me, (and I am rather slanted in this), that we all have the same potential to do good and bad.  That individual growth will shape us, and the world around us.  Some may have less to work with, while others have D&G, four-leaf clovers and Iphones shooting out of their blow holes.

If this ideal is to be used by any group or organization, then really, wouldn’t they see the vast sea of variations?  Or is that too much to ask for?  That the mission statement of a communal philosophy should recognize that we are all full of potential? 

I do not remember ever hearing ‘all whom we deem equal, we shall honour them’….  Well, maybe the likes of Hitler…

We all bleed the same.  We all feel emotion.  We all do the best with what we have.  Some manage better than others.  Some cannot look to the light. 

Have we really evolved to the point of equality, or are we on the brink of sliding back down that slick, hateful hill into the abyss?  How equal are we really?

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