Tag Archives: Writing

Status Quotes 1: Surviving Heartbreak

even when i am not whole, even when i may not being fully alive, even if I’m less than perfect, i know there are those who wont forsake me, and who will take me in their lives… may i give back

how much, how long, without.. when will it be time…to say what needs to be said, to make a choice to stop being frozen in time

dear god… please give me strength.. or numbness, cos the pain of loss and confusion is more than I can bare

pretty sure i am lucky.. supportive friends and family…. i know i still am loved..unlike the love that was to be forever

bit of news to make me sleepy.. can only hope sleep wont keep avoiding me, like the man who vowed love, and then walked away

I wish I knew, I wish I could, I wish I will… But all I wish, will never be, since the love of my life walked away in silence, and left my heart broken and deaf

smiling is the emotional equivalent of applying make up to a bruise.. everyone knows no matter how hard you try to conceal it…

love may burn like hot water, but unlike water you can’t turn it off like a tap

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Filed under Quotes, Random, Relationships

Took A Chance (a Love Lost)

We found each other and took a chance. We were alike, we were different.  I can remember the excitement, the anticipation to talk on video, the nerves making us giddy.  I can remember your eyes sparkling, and that grin that told me you liked me.  We started to share, flirting and opening up our hearts.

We found each other and took a chance. You traveled distance to meet me, and we meet face to face.  It was like I knew you, you were sent for me, and I for you.  The first touch, that first kiss, that first moment we stared into each other’s eyes. It was like two parts of a soul was reunited and made whole.

We found each other and took a chance. You traveled back and forth, we were separated by kilometres, but never in love, never in spirit. We had to take the times apart, to have the times together. You made the sacrifice and I made you know by all I could do that this was to be, that I wanted you, as you wanted me.

We found each other and took a chance. It was real, you and I, a relationship.  There was so much, we fell in love, we were in love.  There were moments that shadowed the light, moments of darkness blocking out this love we shared. Life is far from perfect, and somehow we came out, the light of love never went out.

We found each other and took a chance. Time was a river flowing on and on, and we the water running to explore the world ahead of us. And then there were rocks, and a vow broken. indiscretion ripped my heart, and for the love I knew we had, like water, we survived the storm, the waves that threatened love.  And we were strong, we were more in love.

We found each other and took a chance. We both had moments were we were less than perfect, taking turns to be negative, to upset the love we shared.  Human natures and personal natures were overcome, and we were still in love.

We found each other and took a chance. We became each other’s world, everything was the other. Every sight, sound, touch, taste. Every place and space. And then without warning, in a moment, in a nightmare, it was over, and you were willing to walk away.

We found each other and took a chance.  The chance was a game, and it ended, and like bomb of emotional shrapnel, we exploded, and here we are, apart, a soul ripped into two, bleeding and dying and alone without rescue. Me here alone, you there alone. And a crater now in place of the love filled hearts.  And now I shed tears, I drown in the pain and know, we found each other and took a chance, and we are lost and the last chance was passed. I will always love you.

 

 

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Filed under gay, Relationships

To Try

In the way of love, you meet and try

To get together to love, you feel it deep and sigh

Hold on to fantasies of him and start to date.

So hold your head up high

Don’t be afraid to try

Go get that one you want

Let him know how you feel

You never know what will happen

Tell him how he makes you feel.

Don’t be afraid to try

He makes you weak

He has that certain thing

Maybe he likes you too

Never know til you try.

When something feels this good

Never let it go away

After the heartache of the past

This time try to make it last.

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Filed under fiction, poetry, Relationships, Silly Me

the Ides of April

funny how sometimes the universe sends you a message you cannot ignore.  And in the dark, it is the light that finds you, and the fear and pain can wash away.  I have just been in this position.  And while I try to make light of somethings, sometimes you need to acknowledge the complexities that is life.  And, in turn dead.

So, in my pitiful life, worrying about the end of employment, and dealing with pettiness, my sister had to deliver sad news.  A dear, wonderful family friend died.  And not just any one, but a selfless, compassionate and angelic like human being.  Anna was a light in the gloom of the world.  Never a mean thing to say, she was always loving.  Even when cancer began to attack, and Anna suffer, she took no easy way out, no more than she needed.  Her philosophy was always, ‘there is someone worse off than me.  Let them have it.’  And as she fought the good fight, month after month, she still was a shining light.  And last week, the last once of fight left Anna, and she was no longer an angel on Earth, as she was returned to where she was needed next.  And all those lives she touched, remembered her.

And from that, my sister returned home, to a sick husband.  And the horror of his being so sick, that he collapsed.  My sister, ever the force, did what she needed to.  My brother-in-law is a good man.  And he held on, in ICU, with my sister at his side.  And in hospital, he has gotten better.  And getting better.  And we are grateful.  Not unlike Anna, my sister is an amazing human being.  Loving, compassionate, and strong.  A light in this world.

My good friend also got bad news.  Her nephew, who came to defend another, was shot dead for his stand.  And a young man, taken out of this world by an act of violence.  And it rippled out, a family trying to make sense of such a loss.  So young and promising.  Senseless.

And today, it seems more senselessness… A member of the gay community in Halifax, a much loved, and wonderful human being, was beaten violently to death.  Raymond Taavel, came to the defense of another human being and paid with his life.  I knew of him, but a moment in time.  I meet Raymond the first day I was at the local gay bar, about a week after my mother died, and I was on my own.  I sat with him and his friends, and we drank, and ate.  We talked about writing, and many times after, when I would go to the bar, he was there.  Always a smile, always positive.   Always a chat.  He was brutually killed by a psychiatric patient who was allowed an unescorted leave.  He failed to return.  Raymond tried to defend his friend when, by the reports, the patient was accosting him.  And paid with his life.  Metro Halifax Regional Police arrested him.  There was a vigil for Raymond.  A downtown street was blocked virtually last minute, for the honour of a key member of the gay community, of the city.

In a world of diversity, of good and bad, it makes life a balance.  It seems for me, that the lives of many have intersected, that in the wake of death, of serious health issues, of loss, the balance of the universe will find a way to give us messages.  To remind us that life is precious, and short.  That any one of us, could be off this mortal coil in a last heart beat.  That good, positive people can be taken.  And while  we do not understand, or agree, that we feel anger and resentment, we all must find something good.  I wish to find the goodness, the light, the positive of good people, and try to live life with the honour, for those taken before their time, or at the end of a long road.  I choose to live up to the strength of good people.  For Anna, for my sister, my brother-in-law, my friend’s nephew, and for Raymond.  For me, in my own world, I wish to follow the strength of my family.  Heroes come in many fashions, in  many statures, but  the way someone lives life, speaks volumes to the balance of the universe.  Anna, my sister, are two of my heroes.  And Raymond.  We question why for tragic events.  It is what we do after, that defines us, our futures.  It is the universe’s way to keep us honest.  And what we do in this world, is the best way to reply to the messages of the universe, after the ides of April…

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the Movie Extravaganza Pre-Easter Weekend Str8 Rumble

Last week on my week day off, we went to the movies.  Now, this is a rare treat of late, that Mr. Str8 would be willing to spend that much money other than shopping on Ebay for video games and replacement controllers for ps2.  (Have you seen the brutal murder of one such controller?)  When I confirmed I would be off for the day, he mentioned the movie idea. Here we were sitting in the kitchen, on our laptops, and I nearly fell off my chair, while flashes of colours assaulted my brain.  I steadied myself with a hand on his arm.

“A what?  Sorry, I thought you actually mentioned going to the movie theatre?”

“Ya, I did.  What’s your issue?”  Str8 stares at me like I transformed into a three headed Richard Simmons.

“Really?  Are you playing a sick belated April Fool’s Day joke on me or are you serious?”

“Don’t take it like it’s some kind of real date night shit or anything.  I wanna see if there is anything good.  Find out what’s playing.”

I know what you are thinking.   How is it that I’m the luckiest gay to have such a warm, fuzzy and awesomely romantic bf?  I keep trying desperately to find that out.  What did I ever do to deserve a real fairy tale love?  So, I loaded up Empire Theatre’s site faster than you could say ‘j’ (as in jackass…), or not as fast as Mariah Carey’s movie crashed and burned…

We really had two options.  I swiveled Sully (laptop) and showed him the trailer for ‘John Carter’.

“that’s it!  We are seeing that one!” Str8 exclaimed with a sloppy grin.

“Ok…or what about…”

“Wax in the ears?  I said that one.  What part of ‘that’s it’, did you not get?”

“What part of your computer will come in contact with which part of your body, in about.. say.. 5 seconds?…..”

“The bottom, and my head?”

“Yes, and no- your head is too hard and thick for an empty container…but your lap is exposed…”  He quickly pulled his chair forward so his belly mashed on the table’s edge.  I glared at him.

“I love you?”  He blew a kiss.

“Jackass..”  I coughed into my hand.

John Carter.. 4 thumbs up

So without bloodshed, we decided.  And then the morning of the Great Movie Adventure of 2012, I repeatedly reminded him of the time, a perpetual countdown to the departure time, and ETA.  And the wax from my ears must have travelled out of my ear canal, slugged itself along the pillows the night before, right into his superior tunnels, because I couldn’t pry him off his video game in time.

“Ok, save the game for the love of RuPaul already, we need to leave!” I yelled.  I hate getting to the theatre late.  Major pet peeve.  So, with barely time to spare, I finally dragged Str8 out of the house, and off on the road.  Getting into Bayer’s Lake was not easy.  Direction-challenged Str8, missed the turn off.  I directed him around, and he took the very first right, and kept going.

“Ok, the theatre is right there, and u didn’t turn.” I steamed.  A U-ie and back around… he grumbled and I not happy.  We got in to the theatre, a few minutes into the start.

“See we made it.”  Str8 said.  I glared at him.

“Movie is on. No talking.”  And we enjoyed a most exciting and great movie.  I cannot believe that ‘John Carter’ was not a smash hit.  I loved it.

 

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Filed under Humour, photos, Quotes, Random, Relationships, Silly Me

Why I Wont Be a Parent

Standing in a long line up at the only Tim Horton’s open for blocks from work on Good Friday, with members of peewee hockey and family swarming the joint (it is one of the designer Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cafes)….. I turned to my co-worker on the way out, and grumbled my intolerance.

Me: It’s some tournament or something… I cannot imagine having the money to have a kid in sports.  It must be bloody expensive!

C0-worker: You are right, it is not cheap.

Me: This is why I don’t have kids, man!  Firstly, I would have to work round clock to afford to feed it, and clothe it!  Let alone letting it participate in a team… I would be like “Jr., if you want to play sports, get a job and pay for it yourself!”

Co-worker: (laughing)

Me: No, I’m not kidding!  If my seven-year old asked to play, then he could work for it.  Kathy Lee Gifford had kids making her clothes.  Rose made Gypsy Lee Rose earn her keep….

Co-worker: (laughing, yet appalled)  I don’t think it works that way.  That’s not really legal here.. and as for Rose, I still pretty much think that isn’t legal any more either…

Me: Short of raising it in the Fourth World, I guess you’re right.  Child stars at least don’t have the time to join sports, what with the hours acting on set.. No guarantees it could be cute enough or smart enough to perform.  Even if it is mine.  Ok, well, it would need to earn it’s keep then.  ‘Hey you, clean the house and don’t forget the gutters!  And tomorrow, you’d better be re-tiling the roof if you want to go to the finals with the team!’

Co-worker: (still laughing) You wouldn’t?

Me: Hey, gotta work for it… Ask Donald Trump.  It could help with the groceries too… ‘ok you, take the bags to the car…. no, no cart for you mr. all-star, you are carrying all those bags, and hurry up’…

Co-worker: (shaking his head)  U really shouldn’t have kids.  Hey, You never mentioned lemonade stands, dog walking…

Me: They would never make enough cash that way!  It would drop and spill the drink, or lose all the dogs, and then I would have to pay more out to fix it’s mistakes…. Ah, I  see your point. Well, this is one reason why I won’t be a parent. (sigh)

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Filed under Quotes, Random, Rant, Silly Me

Equality For All?

Under the notion that all are created equal, it then would seem to me, (and I am rather slanted in this), that we all have the same potential to do good and bad.  That individual growth will shape us, and the world around us.  Some may have less to work with, while others have D&G, four-leaf clovers and Iphones shooting out of their blow holes.

If this ideal is to be used by any group or organization, then really, wouldn’t they see the vast sea of variations?  Or is that too much to ask for?  That the mission statement of a communal philosophy should recognize that we are all full of potential? 

I do not remember ever hearing ‘all whom we deem equal, we shall honour them’….  Well, maybe the likes of Hitler…

We all bleed the same.  We all feel emotion.  We all do the best with what we have.  Some manage better than others.  Some cannot look to the light. 

Have we really evolved to the point of equality, or are we on the brink of sliding back down that slick, hateful hill into the abyss?  How equal are we really?

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Fitness and Brain Farts- a Mini Update

Hello and how are you today?  It is time for one of my usually lackluster update and filler posts.

Survived a transit strike for about 6 weeks.  Working overtime to make up for lost hours.  Trying to get my taxes done.  No rest for the poor, I say.

And I guess the newest news is I have finally completed the action to my 2 year debate to get in shape.  Yup, you guessed it… therealbryon is going back to the gym, bloggees, yo! And not a minute too soon!  My mid-section is nearly half the size it was when i first started working out, some years ago.  I have clothes I have not worn in 2 years, and am dangerously not fitting the bigger ones I had to buy last year.  It’s like I am  taking my flubber to divorce court.  Here in Canada, that is a valid comparison.  Divorces are expensive, long drawn out, painful and once the weight is gone, you feel better.

I have started to change my dietary habits too.  More furits, veggies, protein, less junk.  Ok, it’s a work in progress people.  I have made small, daily  changes.  And if you were about to ask about Mr. Str8 in all this- please don’t.  I have more junk food in the house now than ever!  It’s like he is tempting me with salts, carbs and sugars!  That’s fine.  I am evening the score, by feeding a vegan dinner, he wont know is meatless….. The devious mind in motion.

And like previous posts about my mishaps, there a quick one.

So, I finally got to the gym, to sign up.  Was so excited, (some fine eye candy), and stunned that a current promotion had no funds upfront, that I was in a daze.  I rushed off to get the bus.  Took it all the way home on the 26 minute ride.  Walked the 12 minutes to about 5 houses from mine.. only to realize my bag with my wallet AND house key was not with me.  I left it at the gym…..back to the bus terminal, waited the 30 min for the next bus, got off, rushed into the mall.. got my bag and ran to the same bus, to go back home.  The universe had a giggle.

And so my fellow bloggers, I am on the road to fit-dom.  And ready to do so.  Not only is it for me, for how I feel and my health.  There is also a little thing called challenge.  I had complained about my weight gain, and told Str8 in my most determined voice, that I was going to get back into my size 28 pants and small tops.  He laughed, and said, “That’ll never happen!”  So supportive right?  I am a diva on a mission folks, a mission I say!  Str8 will not win!

Thanks for listening.  And be real.

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Filed under Humour, Random, Silly Me

Wedded Bliss? A Rant on Marriage

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage. In some conservative cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2]The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.  (as from wikipedia)

Recently, I learned of a gay couple who seem to be engaged, as per a social media status update.  I am very much a supporter of marriage, gay or otherwise, in relation to love, and the commitment of two individuals.  I am a romantic, believe in love, and the soul mate ideal.  The above two paragraphs are from wikipedia. In the second, it gives reasons for many to decide to be married.  I do not presume to know the workings of someone else’s relationship….however…

It has taken way too long for humanity to deal with each other, to have a fair and equal world.  I know, not there yet but a work in progress.  Rights granted, blah blah…

My issue is that this:  If we fight for rights and equality, then shouldn’t we have some level of respect for the things we have?  Freedom of will and liberty is great.  But if gays can marry, should not we attempt to honourable? 

Straight couples have enjoyed the highs and lows of marriage from the beginning.  And while there are those that disrespect the institution and what it stands for, and there are those, as well, who value its ideals and beliefs.  With so many hetros on their own narrow view point, it makes gay marriage difficult if it is not done for the purest of reasons: love.  Man/woman marriages have been for love, money, and a myriad of reasons.  Let us face this: gay rights may picking up speed in our world, but stereotypes remain.  Gays are seen as dirty, promiscuous, and an afront to the meaning of marriage.  So, if a couple of gays who are looking to get hitched for concerns of finance, or status, rather than love and being only 2 joined in intimacy, then, how in the name of all that is Elton John, can we get away from being the demon if we put it all out there?  that we say, meh, marriage ok even if it’s not for love.  Really? 

Why would a couple of sleep-around-seths want to get married?  Sure, makes senes for the straights.  Look  step-ford family, raise kids, but really, you are schlanking the rest of the suburban street, at  the ‘swappers’ party.  You would need marriage to be the beard, if you all are bed hopping.  Well, gays do that regardless.  Unless we got kids, there is no real need to get into matrimony other than love.  Ok you may say, not so.  Seriously?  ok then, let’s see.  Money/finances?  How about investments?  RRSPs?  Will marriage make this couple I know of better?  Hardly.  If they give up trying to win the skank equivalent of the Best Picture Oscar, then meh, ok.  They marry for love.  Forsake all others.  I ll buy them a blender.

However, if we think that just because we now can marry, should we?  The straights have the corner on seedy, secret, scandalous sexual affairs of married couples.  Really, for us gays, we accept this, rather embrace this, and damn many of us are good at being tramps.  So, maybe thanks to that fabulous other red head Julia Roberts and that fine (well, not so recently) Richard Gere, the gays got the marriage bug.  That even though they are amateur porn stars, they too can live the dream. 

If gays make the committment to tie the knot, then why can’t they do it for the spirit and the letter of marriage?  And make it about romance and not how many times you can play hide wet  twirl the cabaret stick…. And if you detected some resentment, you would be right.  I have resigned myself to the knowledge that unless Mr. Str8 is left a vegetable and unable to stop me from forcing him to marry me… I will never be a bride.  And I am pretty ok with it.  I dream of being married.  I just really think those gays who count more sex partners than jelly beans while in a relationship should really just stay the course.  And leave marriage to the gays who are a better example of human equality, who truly are the marrying kind.  Those of us who believe in love, romance and being the only two,  in a party of two.   By the powers of blogging,  I now pronounce you rant and rant, and may you may rant on….

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Filed under gay, Humour, Quotes, Random, Rant, Relationships, Silly Me

If I Could Just Say That Out Loud

Dealing with customers via telephone service is a highly stressful job.  It requires a level of decorum, finess and even higher levels of alcohol and or drugs.  While usually frustrating, it is also amusing.  There are many things that we have to say in response to callers, and an equal amount of things that we wish we could say.  Here are some examples:

Mr./Mrs. Interuption

(the callers who never give anyone else a chance to speak, who enjoy  cutting  off the rep at every sylabol)

reallife reply: Thank you again, I apreciate you clarifying your email address for me again.

silent reply: Seriously?  (after long dead air, caller says hello) Are you going shut your mouth at all, or do you want to do this yourself, you ignorant sod?

Mr./Mrs. Not-Bright

(you ask for the phone # you can call them back at if disconnected, and they reply with “this one”)

real reply: I appreciate that, however, I do not have a # here for you, could you please give your phone # to me, please and thank you?

silent reply: are you dammaged?  What am I?  Psychic?  If I didn’t need your effing #, then why would I waste my breath asking for it?

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Filed under Humour, Random, Rant, Silly Me