Last week on my week day off, we went to the movies. Now, this is a rare treat of late, that Mr. Str8 would be willing to spend that much money other than shopping on Ebay for video games and replacement controllers for ps2. (Have you seen the brutal murder of one such controller?) When I confirmed I would be off for the day, he mentioned the movie idea. Here we were sitting in the kitchen, on our laptops, and I nearly fell off my chair, while flashes of colours assaulted my brain. I steadied myself with a hand on his arm.
“A what? Sorry, I thought you actually mentioned going to the movie theatre?”
“Ya, I did. What’s your issue?” Str8 stares at me like I transformed into a three headed Richard Simmons.
“Really? Are you playing a sick belated April Fool’s Day joke on me or are you serious?”
“Don’t take it like it’s some kind of real date night shit or anything. I wanna see if there is anything good. Find out what’s playing.”
I know what you are thinking. How is it that I’m the luckiest gay to have such a warm, fuzzy and awesomely romantic bf? I keep trying desperately to find that out. What did I ever do to deserve a real fairy tale love? So, I loaded up Empire Theatre’s site faster than you could say ‘j’ (as in jackass…), or not as fast as Mariah Carey’s movie crashed and burned…
We really had two options. I swiveled Sully (laptop) and showed him the trailer for ‘John Carter’.
“that’s it! We are seeing that one!” Str8 exclaimed with a sloppy grin.
“Ok…or what about…”
“Wax in the ears? I said that one. What part of ‘that’s it’, did you not get?”
“What part of your computer will come in contact with which part of your body, in about.. say.. 5 seconds?…..”
“The bottom, and my head?”
“Yes, and no- your head is too hard and thick for an empty container…but your lap is exposed…” He quickly pulled his chair forward so his belly mashed on the table’s edge. I glared at him.
“I love you?” He blew a kiss.
“Jackass..” I coughed into my hand.
So without bloodshed, we decided. And then the morning of the Great Movie Adventure of 2012, I repeatedly reminded him of the time, a perpetual countdown to the departure time, and ETA. And the wax from my ears must have travelled out of my ear canal, slugged itself along the pillows the night before, right into his superior tunnels, because I couldn’t pry him off his video game in time.
“Ok, save the game for the love of RuPaul already, we need to leave!” I yelled. I hate getting to the theatre late. Major pet peeve. So, with barely time to spare, I finally dragged Str8 out of the house, and off on the road. Getting into Bayer’s Lake was not easy. Direction-challenged Str8, missed the turn off. I directed him around, and he took the very first right, and kept going.
“Ok, the theatre is right there, and u didn’t turn.” I steamed. A U-ie and back around… he grumbled and I not happy. We got in to the theatre, a few minutes into the start.
“See we made it.” Str8 said. I glared at him.
“Movie is on. No talking.” And we enjoyed a most exciting and great movie. I cannot believe that ‘John Carter’ was not a smash hit. I loved it.